Page 6 | To not buy him the pink coat

LadyBitsnBobs · 2023-08-30T03:44:46+00:00

DS age 4 is starting school. We are choosing a new coat and as school says any colour is fine so I asked him and he want pink. He inherited many of older DD’s things so his precious football, his scooter, bike, are all pink. He associates pink with being outside in the park or cycling in the woods. It is his favourite colour. I am supposed to be an open-minded feminist. Why am I finding it hard to buy my son a pink coat for Reception? I found a “rainbow coat” on FB market which is lots of different colours - mostly navy but including a little bit of pink. And I bought that and fobbed him off. help me oh wise ones of MN. And the less wise, you just go right ahead and scorch me. Am I a fraud - not a feminist after all!

HarrietJet · 30/08/2023 10:14

MarkWithaC · 30/08/2023 09:51

Your comment doesn't acknowledge though that colours are gendered; and that we've all assimilated those ideas, to one degree or another. Pink on a girl simply isn't the same, semiotically, as on a boy. On a boy it goes against the grain, and it IS showing the world he's not afraid to be who he is – or, more accurately when kids are as small as this, that his parent isn't afraid for him to be who he is – or at least for him to wear what he likes, which may or may not change over time.

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Pink on a girl is frowned upon to a certain degree, though, yet it's considered empowering on a boy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why is it girls can't expect to be taken seriously whilst wearing fluffy pink, but for boys it's a symbol of glorious freedom to be who you are?
If it was celebrated equally for both sexes I wouldn't have a problem with it. But it's not.

caringcarer · 30/08/2023 10:17

I always bought my dd and DS's navy every year for primary school and whatever colour they wanted for outside of school. At secondary the rules were black no logo.

ShellySarah · 30/08/2023 10:17

Doesn't the school have a uniform? If so just tell him it has to be school colours and sadly the school colours aren't pink.

HotWaxToTheMax · 30/08/2023 10:19

I would totally buy my grandson a pink coat/wellies etc.
He wouldn't get to wear them because his father is a dickhead 🙄

Winnipeggy · 30/08/2023 10:33

ShoesoftheWorld · 30/08/2023 07:29

I think I'd have been age-appropriately honest. 'Ds, I know how much you like pink, and it's a great colour, but sometimes some people have silly ideas that pink isn't a boys' colour, and there may be some children in your class whose parents have told them that and I want you to enjoy school without being upset by them.'

So....some people are mean and unreasonable and you must conform to their nonsense and therefore you can't wear the colour you want. How is that a positive lesson?

ZebraDanios · 30/08/2023 10:35

Lots of comments about pink not being practical because it shows the dirt so navy and black are better… what about visibility? My 5-year-old has a blue coat with dinosaurs on which is fairly visible, but I often put a bright rainbow hat on him - I never lose him in a crowd!

I’d like more bright colours for kids not just for coats but all clothes - a lot of ranges are either pastels or black, grey and navy. Where are all the reds and turquoises and purples and bright greens?

LadyPenelope68 · 30/08/2023 10:35

LunaNorth · 30/08/2023 10:09

You might not, your friend might not.

Plenty might, though.

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Don’t make such sweeping, generalised statement’s about one profession, tarring everyone with the same brush just because of your opinion of said profession rather than facts.

ZebraDanios · 30/08/2023 10:36

ShellySarah · 30/08/2023 10:17

Doesn't the school have a uniform? If so just tell him it has to be school colours and sadly the school colours aren't pink.

If the uniform doesn’t specify the coat colour then it’s a bit disingenuous to tell a child it is. Feels a bit unfair to make a child conform more than they have to!

Conkersinautumn · 30/08/2023 10:37

It's light red.

MarkWithaC · 30/08/2023 10:37

HarrietJet · 30/08/2023 10:14

Pink on a girl is frowned upon to a certain degree, though, yet it's considered empowering on a boy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why is it girls can't expect to be taken seriously whilst wearing fluffy pink, but for boys it's a symbol of glorious freedom to be who you are?
If it was celebrated equally for both sexes I wouldn't have a problem with it. But it's not.

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Well, I think it's more complex than that. Pink on girls does to an extent transmit 'ditzy/don't take me seriously', but at the same time if they DON'T wear pink (as I've seen in multiple threads on here as well as in RL) people seem to get upset by it or think it strange.

But bottom line: I don't think a boy should NOT wear pink because girls are sometimes derided for wearing it. That seems like a lose-lose.

TheBarbieEffect · 30/08/2023 10:38

YANBU to not buy him a pink coat. It doesn’t matter what world you want to live in, it matters what world you do live in.

Then again, if I had had a girl then a boy I wouldn’t have given the boy any of my daughter’s clothes/toys that were pink or obviously girly.

amicissimma · 30/08/2023 10:39

I wouldn't buy a light-coloured coat in any colour. Dark colours tend to stand up to being kicked around the floor, dragged along the street and left outside overnight much better.

ZebraDanios · 30/08/2023 10:42

TheBarbieEffect · 30/08/2023 10:38

YANBU to not buy him a pink coat. It doesn’t matter what world you want to live in, it matters what world you do live in.

Then again, if I had had a girl then a boy I wouldn’t have given the boy any of my daughter’s clothes/toys that were pink or obviously girly.

But if we do that, nothing ever changes. It’s a similar argument for not changing your name when you get married - it makes things complicated, people will be confused, etc etc. The more people do these things the more accepted they become.

CassiniG · 30/08/2023 10:44

Buy a burgundy colour one and say that coats need to be practical and that colour is better for dirt etc

TheBarbieEffect · 30/08/2023 10:46

ZebraDanios · 30/08/2023 10:42

But if we do that, nothing ever changes. It’s a similar argument for not changing your name when you get married - it makes things complicated, people will be confused, etc etc. The more people do these things the more accepted they become.

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Sure, but I’d not want my son to be collateral damage in that 🤷‍♀️

HarrietJet · 30/08/2023 10:47

ZebraDanios · 30/08/2023 10:42

But if we do that, nothing ever changes. It’s a similar argument for not changing your name when you get married - it makes things complicated, people will be confused, etc etc. The more people do these things the more accepted they become.

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Then encourage your dh to wear a pink coat to work. Don't try to virtue signal through a 4 year old boy who will have no idea how to handle any negative attention it will draw.

Dotjones · 30/08/2023 10:48

No I wouldn't have allowed him to have a pink coat but then I wouldn't have allowed him to have his sister's pink bike etc. I can see why he now thinks pink is a nice colour but some of his peers will have a different view and it's likely to lead to bullying. That's not a good thing of course but what's right and what's reality aren't always the same thing.

I guess whether allowing a pink coat or not comes down to your long term agenda. You're (perhaps unconsciously) teaching him to challenge gender stereotypes and his own gender identity. Whilst that could be a good thing you're also grooming him to consider his own gender from a very young age. I'm not making a judgement either way on whether that is a good thing or not, but the seeds you've been sowing will come to fruition in a few years.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/08/2023 10:51

I think you handled it well. He has a coat with some pink on.

Feminism is very important to me, and I strongly believe that it is fine for boys to wear pink. But it would be delusional to imagine it wouldn't have a negative impact for him once at school. He has to survive in the real world, and that is a world which has not embraced feminism as yet. I don't see my views as worth sacrificing my dc's happiness for.

Mischance · 30/08/2023 10:51

Pink is fine - my GSs wear it a lot and look great. It is quite "in" for males now.

ConsuelaHammock · 30/08/2023 10:51

I wouldn’t buy my son a pink coat. Not at 4 and starting school. By then I wouldn’t buy my daughter a pink coat either for school. Dark colours are your friend!

ShellySarah · 30/08/2023 10:52

ZebraDanios · 30/08/2023 10:36

If the uniform doesn’t specify the coat colour then it’s a bit disingenuous to tell a child it is. Feels a bit unfair to make a child conform more than they have to!

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He's 4 FGS

I don't think a child should be asked what do you want. It's too much choice.

You choose a couple of options and say this one or that one. That's enough for a 4 year old.

Mischance · 30/08/2023 10:52

By the way the GSs wearing pink are 14 and 10.

Gettingbysomehow · 30/08/2023 10:53

Its really hard because you don't want your babe to be picked on at school and that is a real possibility. Then he'll come home crushed.
But generally I let DS dress how he wanted because I wanted him to get the rebellion of teenage years out of his system rather than do it as an adult when it wouldn't suit him any more.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/08/2023 10:54

Dotjones · 30/08/2023 10:48

No I wouldn't have allowed him to have a pink coat but then I wouldn't have allowed him to have his sister's pink bike etc. I can see why he now thinks pink is a nice colour but some of his peers will have a different view and it's likely to lead to bullying. That's not a good thing of course but what's right and what's reality aren't always the same thing.

I guess whether allowing a pink coat or not comes down to your long term agenda. You're (perhaps unconsciously) teaching him to challenge gender stereotypes and his own gender identity. Whilst that could be a good thing you're also grooming him to consider his own gender from a very young age. I'm not making a judgement either way on whether that is a good thing or not, but the seeds you've been sowing will come to fruition in a few years.

I really don't think that using a pink bike is "grooming him to consider his gender identity." It's just a colour. There's actually nothing feminine about a colour.

He isn't going to "catch" being transgender from wearing pink.

Ultravox · 30/08/2023 10:54

My son was a big pink fan at nursery and wanted a pink school bag for P1. I really didn’t want him to be bullied so made a deal with him that he could have a black bag to start school with, but if he still wanted a pink one at Christmas then he could have it then. By Christmas he wanted to keep the black one.