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Original poster

My boyfriend expects me to pay for everything

391 replies

Fanofbeasmith · 29/08/2023 23:50

My boyfriend gave up his job and now expects me to pay for everything.

He has this idea that if he wasn't with me he wouldn't be eating in this place or that, he wouldn't be visiting this place or that, so he just let's me pay. He's right, yesterday we did a day out with my children, brunch out, tea out, all in all it cost me over £300 for the day plus the takeaway the night before. If he wasn't with me he'd make food at home. But he didn't, he joined in.

I hate that attitude, it's really giving me the ick.

Last week we ate in a nice restaurant, i paid. Later I asked for the money, he said he thought I was treating him because he's not working. But why should I?

He's a nice guy other than this. He's kind, he's funny, I love being with him. But I can't help feeling used. He chooses not to work, I work hard and obvs have a lot more disposable money than him. But really although I earn a good salary, he is much better off, he's a home owner, no mortgage, I rent and have children. I'm using credit cards to live, he's increasing his savings even while not working.

I can't bear to speak to him ATM so just wondered if I'm being ridiculous?

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 30/08/2023 13:18

Yes you are being ridiculous... utterly utterly ridiculous for entertaining this twat.
Get rid.

Rentquery1 · 30/08/2023 13:21

LTB

xyz111 · 30/08/2023 13:30

Fanofbeasmith · 30/08/2023 00:43

I am taking on board what people are saying - both in respect to him and also generally overspending. You're right. I will stop with the meals out. I just wanted to treat my kids on the one day I had off work with them for the entire 6 weeks holiday (apart from a holiday)

Don't stop the meals out. Just don't invite him!! Tell him if he wants to come, he needs to pay his way. What an absolute loser! Are you happy to carry on like this forever with this "man"? You need to stand up for yourself. He pays his way it he's gone.

Ginmonkeyagain · 30/08/2023 13:43

Next time you go out ask the server for separate bills, pay for you and your children and leave.

jannier · 30/08/2023 15:40

xyz111 · 30/08/2023 13:30

Don't stop the meals out. Just don't invite him!! Tell him if he wants to come, he needs to pay his way. What an absolute loser! Are you happy to carry on like this forever with this "man"? You need to stand up for yourself. He pays his way it he's gone.

Show quote history

She's paying for meals on credit which is why people are saying it's silly nothing to do with who she spends on that's a whole other issue I'd get him cold toast and water from home to prove a point.

Skybluecoat · 30/08/2023 15:43

ChubbyMorticia · 30/08/2023 01:41

Every cent you spend on him is money you don’t have for your kids. Dump him.

Exactly this! He saw you coming OP.

Dump him.

Snowpaw · 30/08/2023 15:55

Aside from his obvious leeching of you, it sounds like you're actually not that compatible at all. You enjoy meals out and holidays, whereas his interests seem based on staying at home and saving money. Fundamentally different outlooks to life - its not going to work long term.

Cosyblankets · 30/08/2023 15:55

Fanofbeasmith · 30/08/2023 00:32

I'm not desperate for a man tho. I was just wondering if this guy is right, he would rather we ate cheaply at his every single meal. By cheaply I mean toast or porridge or soup. That's what he'd eat. When I don't want to, he has the idea I should pay. I think he should pay for himself but I do really see his side, he would be happy to eat toast or whatever, why should he pay for wagamama etc. But I still think he should pay his own way

Soup or porridge or toast?
So when you go out for a meal does he just have a starter?
Honestly this is ridiculous. What was he like when you first met?

JerkintheMerkin · 30/08/2023 20:00

Bin this freeloading fucker off post haste.

SD1978 · 30/08/2023 23:20

You can still treat the kids- he doesn't come if he's not paying, because you're not paying for a whole extra meal. Same as any trips out, unless the activity is 100% free- he pays his own share or doesn't come. He also doesn't shower, or use any other electrical item in your house without a price being decided on by you both. He wants to claim it would cost the same- he's talking shite and I'd charge him for every penny he uses- or better still dump him.

Shinyandnew1 · 30/08/2023 23:25

Get some self respect-he is quite literally showing you who he is!

He doesn’t have to eat at Wagamamas-he can stay at home and eat porridge. What a prince among men.

Tonight1 · 30/08/2023 23:31

He sounds horrible but you're facilitating this, put your foot down

givingupchocolatemonday · 30/08/2023 23:51

Sooo many funny and kind men out there.
Very very few that are also this cheap and stingy and jobless.
Funny and kind doesn't make up for it

I would be leaving quick. And if you don't, tell him not to come to meals, days out unless he's going to pay for himself. Meals you cook at home, ask for half of the shopping money. If not let him have beans on toast. They go low you go lower. Infact I would do this anyway even if you are going to leave just for revenge of him completely financially using you whilst he sits on his arse all day.
Ick!

Milkand2sugarsplease · 30/08/2023 23:51

Get rid and raise your bar.

Failing that - he doesn't need to go out with you. Let him stay home and have his porridge or toast and then meet up with him later when you've got back from wherever you've taken the children. He's choosing to go with you so should be.paying his way!

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 31/08/2023 04:40

Ugh cheapness is so unattractive. No wonder you have the ick. And it's not just cheapness, it's also abusing your generosity and sponging off of you.

His other good traits can't come close to making up for this behaviour. I'd be running away from this one OP, sorry 😞

CherryMaDeara · 31/08/2023 08:09

I can't bear to speak to him ATM so just wondered if I'm being ridiculous?

Because you are his ATM. Please tell us you’ve dumped him!

SamW98 · 31/08/2023 08:36

Fanofbeasmith · 30/08/2023 00:43

I am taking on board what people are saying - both in respect to him and also generally overspending. You're right. I will stop with the meals out. I just wanted to treat my kids on the one day I had off work with them for the entire 6 weeks holiday (apart from a holiday)

You’re not taking on board what anyone is saying if this is your understanding.

So you will stop treating your kids to appease this scrounging cocklodger? Are you serious?? And you continually defend him by saying you see his point - how??? He really doesn’t have a point.

He’s not kind and caring he’s an absolute ponce. What truly does he add to your life?

You and your kids are better off a million miles away from his freeloading arse.

PansyP · 31/08/2023 11:08

Er just stop bringing him with you. He's choosing to put the food in his mouth, what a bloody hypocrite! I mean tbh you should LTB hes an absolute freeloader and hes gaslighting the hell out of you by making you question whether you are being unreasonable! Of course you arent being unreasonable!!

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 31/08/2023 11:10

Dump! Dump dump dump. Today.

You cannot stop treating your kids just so he can't come along like a big lazy sponge.

MandyFriend · 31/08/2023 12:34

I think your boyfriend is being quite manipulative. He's happy to exist on toast and porridge in your company because he knows you aren't and will also pay for him to upgrade his dinner. Just pay for yourself and your kids and if he's not willing to cover his share, let him stay home and have a pot noodle instead!

WoosMama13 · 31/08/2023 17:51

He is being nice and all that to keep you sweet. His mask will slip. Stop paying for him. Get him out of your life. It will only get worse.
Believe me, I learnt the very hard way with an ex like this. It doesn't improve and gets worse when you take them back after their pity stories.
You and your children are priority, not him.

Yogalola · 31/08/2023 17:55

No way should you pay for his meals. Just go out with your kids and exclude your bf if he refuses to pay his share.

SpiralHecate · 31/08/2023 17:57

If he'd rather stay home and eat toast and porridge let him sit at home eating toast and porridge. And don't take him on anymore days out, he's not one of your children and you can't afford to treat him like one.

Perhaps you do need to look at your finances though, if you're living on credit cards? I understand the desire to treat your children when you have to work long hours, but maybe do it a bit less often?

Still, ditch the freeloader, you'll never get your finances in order if you've got some guy sponging off you and gaslighting you into thinking that's reasonable behaviour.

Hilsberry · 31/08/2023 17:58

This guy is a total loser. He’ll run you into debt given half a chance. Dump that waster and never go near him again. Personally a guy like that I’d love to slap round the ears. No way to treat a woman. He’s a waste of space! Good riddance to that good for nothing with no manners or credibility.

Isinglass20 · 31/08/2023 18:00

Sorry but you’re his sugar mama