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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be shocked that they wouldn't let me get to my seat?

129 replies

Aquaphant · 29/08/2023 23:44

I recently went to see a comedy show at an arena with my husband and his parents. Our seats were in the center of the row, so I had to cross in front of people no matter which way I went. My husband was in the drinks queue and his parents were already seated, so I was on my own at this point.

The approach to our seats was totally congested with people on one side, and on the other side there was only a man (early 60s I'd guess) and two women (possibly his wife and daughter) sitting at the end of the row and then it was empty all the way down to our seats. The rows surrounding our row were pretty much fully seated at this point, so there was no easier way to access my seat.

I politely asked them if could please just squeeze by to get to my seat. He snapped "These seats are taken." I was confused by his response because I obviously wasn't asking for his seat or the empty seats right next to them and said "Oh I know, I just need to get by to get to my seat over there please" and gestured beyond them to my seats. He smirked and said "Then go the other way."

I was taken aback by this and even wondered if I was the unreasonable one because he was so confident about it, so I went back down the steps and back onto the concourse to find the way to reach my seats from the other direction. This was in a large arena so it was a bit of an ordeal to find the other way up.
The concourse was completely crammed full of people so I could barely move (it was horrible and I was legitimately worried about a crowd crush). I finally found the other way up to our section, but there was a long queue up the steps, the seats were all full at that end of our row already, and it just would have been a nightmare to navigate.

At this point I resolved to not be bullied and to go the way I had originally intended. I went back and again very politely asked them if I could please just get by to access my seat down the row and he again told me with a very snappy tone "These seats are taken" and told me to go the other way.

I said "No, I'll go this way thank you" and he snarled "Fine, piss off then" and he and the women with him dramatically stood up and shuffled out onto the steps, which wasn't even necessary as I could have just walked by them if they stood up in place. Trying to give the benefit of the doubt I thanked them, even though they were being incredibly awkward and nasty.

My in laws were sitting on the closer side and the seats right in front of them were empty, so I jumped down into the row below them when I reached them so I could climb up into my seat. At this point the man and women started shouting at me, saying "Oh, so now you can go around" and cursing at me and making rude gestures. I gestured back and my MIL and the women kept glancing at each other for the whole show. I don't ever get into altercations like this and it was just so strange to me. I was flustered and taken aback by the whole episode and couldn't fully enjoy the show and just wanted to leave.

What on Earth was that all about? Who gets cheap row end seats to a comedy show in giant arena and then acts like their VIP box is being invaded when a woman politely asks to get to her seat? I think it's worth noting that I'm fairly young and petite and I'm not originally from the UK (I have an accent), so I do have to wonder if that's why he decided to give me a hard time.

AIBU to think this interaction was completely bizarre, or is this considered normal behaviour in 2023?

OP posts:
murasaki · 29/08/2023 23:48

They are mad. We go to a lot of comedy gigs, and you just stand and let people walk past you to their seats if you are a normal human being. How strange.

NotTheOtherMother · 29/08/2023 23:48

This happened to me at a Queen concert last year. Iur seats were in the middle of the row and the people (at a guess in their 50s or 60s) refused to stand up and told us to go to the other end of the row - but that would mean taking my kids all the way back up the flight of stairs, out of the main arena and down the other side and the show was starting in minutes. I was very insistent they move and sent my littler kids through so they had no choice but to move for me).

Never seen rudeness like it at any rock or metal concert I've ever been to. There is usually a big family-like helpful atmosphere.

doroda · 29/08/2023 23:50

They sound nuts. If you choose end of row seats then obviously you'll be letting people past you!

Rudolphthefrog · 29/08/2023 23:52

Some people are just rude and unpleasant for kicks or because they’re acting the big man in front of the woman they’re with. It’s funny they don’t generally try it with men built like rugby players...

I always choose row end seats, and I do it in full knowledge I’m going to be up and down like a yo-yo letting people in and out. It’s hardly a major inconvenience.

It’s entirely on him not you, try to put it out of your mind.

Saschka · 29/08/2023 23:53

I think it's worth noting that I'm fairly young and petite and I'm not originally from the UK (I have an accent), so I do have to wonder if that's why he decided to give me a hard time.

Well yeah. If you looked like Jason Statham he wouldn’t have said a word. He was enjoying bullying you.

babbscrabbs · 29/08/2023 23:54

What horrible people. No that's not normal.

LollipopChaos · 29/08/2023 23:58

Never come across that, but I would have informed the usher staff to have a word with them!

SM4713 · 30/08/2023 00:04

They sounds bonkers! I can only think he was being an arse or was deaf?!? In my ideal world, I would have contacted security or an usher person and said the dickhead had been abusive, but in reality, I would have sat there and watched the show- then avoided further contact afterwards.

starfishmummy · 30/08/2023 00:16

We always choose end of row when we can and accept that having to get up to let people past is going to happen. The only time I've got smmohrd was at our local theatre when a group of women were constantly getting up/coming back mid show.

melj1213 · 30/08/2023 00:50

YANBU

So many people have no idea how to behave at shows/concerts/plays etc - if you had been up and down half a dozen times through the show then I could understand the frustration but that was not the case; if you get end of row seats then you know that if you get there and the row is not full then you are going to have to move to let people in to their seats before the show, it's one of the reasons why, in a lot of venues, the prices tend to be lower the further towards the end of a row you get to account for any limited view and because they know it's less desirable from a "having to move for everyone to get in/out" standpoint.

I prefer end of row seats as I am tall and also used to be overweight and felt squashed in and was always embarrassed about encroaching on other people's space so would always get end of row seats so I could lean into the aisle and only encroach on my companions space wherever possible. I also have anxiety and have to arrive at a venue at least 30 mins before the start time so I have time to get in, buy any programme/merch, go to the loo and find my seat all in good time, which means I'm almost always one of the first to my seat

I know that others are going to need to get in/out of the row so I know not to get too comfortable until the row is completely full and I always seem to be in the row of people that turn up right as the curtain is raised or the show has started because I am going to have to allow people in - yes some people can make a right palavar over getting to their seats but I just roll my eyes as they pass and I can sit back down.

marriedatlastsight · 30/08/2023 00:53

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melj1213 · 30/08/2023 00:54

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And how can you know it didn't?

Screamingabdabz · 30/08/2023 01:07

I think they were rude nasty dicks op. It’s very unsettling and I’m not surprised you’re a bit shaken by it. 💐

RoomOfRequirement · 30/08/2023 01:15

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Spoken as someone who has never experienced racism or xenophobia.

Men who are bullies and thugs like this one are also usually xenophobic. It's not a stretch at all to assume it could have played a part.

RoomOfRequirement · 30/08/2023 01:16

I'm intrigued OP, did your DH enter that way too? Did the man say anything to him? I'm going to guess no.

marriedatlastsight · 30/08/2023 01:29

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marriedatlastsight · 30/08/2023 01:33

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RoomOfRequirement · 30/08/2023 01:38

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Convenient. Well I'm super glad your race has never been at all a factor in how people treat you. You're very lucky.

But your experience in no way invalidates reality for other women.

Fraaahnces · 30/08/2023 01:43

I work in a theatre… they sound like the sort of bullies who also do this shit in supermarkets, etc. No idea how to behave like a well-socialized human being.

M4J4 · 30/08/2023 01:43

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Nice excusing of racism.

I dare you to spend a few days in my shoes and say that.

marriedatlastsight · 30/08/2023 01:50

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marriedatlastsight · 30/08/2023 01:52

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Topseyt123 · 30/08/2023 02:32

They were just totally antisocial dickheads. I'm glad you made them let you through in the end

Did your DH come in the same way? How did they react to the same request from a man?

It's not worth continuing to give them headspace.

Midl · 30/08/2023 02:35

I've got to admit that after reading your post, I thought the guy's response and comments were so weird that I did wonder whether you were a WOC or not because of the way he kept saying those seats were taken. It's as though he thought you wanted to sit next to him and he just wanted to prevent you from passing him and his family/friends to sit near him. It's just such a weird and odd comment to make. No one goes to a concert or theatre with seats at the end of a row not expecting to be bothered by people wanting to pass to be seated - that's bonkers. The only thing I can think of is that the show had started and he felt that you ought to have been seated already so he wasn't keen to get up for you. Otherwise, it does sound as though he was attempting to intimidate you. The fact that you did give in and initially tried to go round the other way would only give him more power.

When he was rude and told you to piss off, why didn't you complain about him to an usher as that behaviour's totally unacceptable and antisocial?

CurlewKate · 30/08/2023 02:38

Any reason why ages are relevant?