Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be shocked that they wouldn't let me get to my seat?

129 replies

Aquaphant · 29/08/2023 23:44

I recently went to see a comedy show at an arena with my husband and his parents. Our seats were in the center of the row, so I had to cross in front of people no matter which way I went. My husband was in the drinks queue and his parents were already seated, so I was on my own at this point.

The approach to our seats was totally congested with people on one side, and on the other side there was only a man (early 60s I'd guess) and two women (possibly his wife and daughter) sitting at the end of the row and then it was empty all the way down to our seats. The rows surrounding our row were pretty much fully seated at this point, so there was no easier way to access my seat.

I politely asked them if could please just squeeze by to get to my seat. He snapped "These seats are taken." I was confused by his response because I obviously wasn't asking for his seat or the empty seats right next to them and said "Oh I know, I just need to get by to get to my seat over there please" and gestured beyond them to my seats. He smirked and said "Then go the other way."

I was taken aback by this and even wondered if I was the unreasonable one because he was so confident about it, so I went back down the steps and back onto the concourse to find the way to reach my seats from the other direction. This was in a large arena so it was a bit of an ordeal to find the other way up.
The concourse was completely crammed full of people so I could barely move (it was horrible and I was legitimately worried about a crowd crush). I finally found the other way up to our section, but there was a long queue up the steps, the seats were all full at that end of our row already, and it just would have been a nightmare to navigate.

At this point I resolved to not be bullied and to go the way I had originally intended. I went back and again very politely asked them if I could please just get by to access my seat down the row and he again told me with a very snappy tone "These seats are taken" and told me to go the other way.

I said "No, I'll go this way thank you" and he snarled "Fine, piss off then" and he and the women with him dramatically stood up and shuffled out onto the steps, which wasn't even necessary as I could have just walked by them if they stood up in place. Trying to give the benefit of the doubt I thanked them, even though they were being incredibly awkward and nasty.

My in laws were sitting on the closer side and the seats right in front of them were empty, so I jumped down into the row below them when I reached them so I could climb up into my seat. At this point the man and women started shouting at me, saying "Oh, so now you can go around" and cursing at me and making rude gestures. I gestured back and my MIL and the women kept glancing at each other for the whole show. I don't ever get into altercations like this and it was just so strange to me. I was flustered and taken aback by the whole episode and couldn't fully enjoy the show and just wanted to leave.

What on Earth was that all about? Who gets cheap row end seats to a comedy show in giant arena and then acts like their VIP box is being invaded when a woman politely asks to get to her seat? I think it's worth noting that I'm fairly young and petite and I'm not originally from the UK (I have an accent), so I do have to wonder if that's why he decided to give me a hard time.

AIBU to think this interaction was completely bizarre, or is this considered normal behaviour in 2023?

OP posts:
Henddraig · 30/08/2023 08:49

I think there’s some truth in audiences getting worse.

I’ve seen this twice recently, and once race very definitely played a part, as the man let me through very grudgingly, and then refused to move for a pregnant black woman. I couldn’t believe it, and I did try to intervene but he was absolutely vile about it.

And then again recently a group of people didn’t make any effort to stand so we could get past, complained that it was dangerous, and berated us after we went past for not thanking them enough.

so, so weird.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 30/08/2023 09:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it looked like the work of a previously banned poster

So "real racism" is exclusive to South Africa? Good to know that there's no real racism in the UK. I'm sure a lot of people will be glad to hear that

Greenberg2 · 30/08/2023 09:09

RoomOfRequirement · 30/08/2023 01:15

Spoken as someone who has never experienced racism or xenophobia.

Men who are bullies and thugs like this one are also usually xenophobic. It's not a stretch at all to assume it could have played a part.

yep.

DinnaeFashYersel · 30/08/2023 09:18

He was a nasty bully. Plain and simple. There's no justification for his behaviour.

Fruitynutcase · 30/08/2023 09:22

Daffodilwoman · 30/08/2023 08:18

If it happens again go and get a staff member and ask them to come with you. They will make the weirdo move. Alternatively just trample over his feet making sure you step really heavily on his toes 😂

This . I did this when someone sat in our pre booked seats and refused to move . Just went and explained the situation to a member of staff who got them to vacate the seats . Turned out they had booked them for the next evening but decided to try their luck .

Elleherd · 30/08/2023 09:35

Some people are just dicks who enjoy bullying anyone they view as 'lesser' in their mental hierarchy. I'm in a wheelchair and it is getting worse. I'm not large, or tall, don't have big hair, get accused of being 'forrin' & am often on my own.

Generally it's just verbal but it's getting more physical:

Seated music event - no known pre-emptive issues, two men just literally suddenly dragged me out (with brakes on) from where I'd been shown to, and dumped me in an unused space at the end of a row behind a pillar, where I "wouldn't be in everyone's way anymore!" while their partners happily preened.

Saddlers Wells - shown by a staff to the designated wheelchair space. Woman behind me kept kicking me trying to find different parts of my chair to use as a foot rest, even contorting herself to push my hand off my armrest to try and get her feet on it! I'd turned a few times and she just smirked. Finally she actually tried to wriggle her toes under my coccyx!
At the interval I asked her to please stop, and got a rant about how she and her friend had chosen very expensive seats specifically to have leg room and a good view, and I was ruining their night by parking in front of them!

I said sorry, but this was the allocated wheelchair space, not a random choice made by me, and if she'd felt she'd been mis-sold her ticket she should complain to the box office.
She stood up and publicly launched into a tirade about how my ticket would have been cheaper, the awful quality of my clothing, and how she and everyone else was so sick of having having to pay more to subsidize people like me who just shouldn't be there! Painfully humiliating.
2nd half spent just kicking at me &muttering to friend about finding me outside.

Theatre- wheelchair space was restricted view, required leaning to right to see any of the stage at all. (was warned) Woman behind said I was blocking her view by leaning. I apologized, explained, and tried leaning as low as I could. At interval she complained to the usher who told her hers was also a restricted view seat, and we were both expected to lean. She argued with the usher, returned to dump her drink over my head, and stalked off loudly demanding a refund!

melj1213 · 30/08/2023 09:36

Aprilx · 30/08/2023 06:31

Very odd, not something I have ever come across. Although they were right you managed to get past your in-laws without asking them to stand up! Also it is a bit much to accuse then of racism whilst making sure you make a point about their ages.

Yes because there was a route that allowed them not to!

I did the same a few weeks ago - we had centre row seats for a show, 80% of our row was full but the row in front was empty except for a few people towards the ends ... Instead of making our whole row stand up we asked to pass the 3 people in the row in front, walked the length of the empty seats and then stepped up into our row.

We could have inconvenienced 15 people by going through our own row, as we had to get past the aisle seats somehow and they were all occupied, but instead we inconvenienced the minimum number of people possible by adjusting our route.

In the OPs case she had no way of getting into the row except past the aisle seats which were all occupied but there was "gap" of unoccupied the seats where it was possible to step over them to go around people which happened to be where her PiLs were sitting ... Tbh if it was me I would have been stepping over those seats to make a point that I wouldn't ask people to move if there was a way to get to my seat without making them move but the fact I asked them to move meant that I had no other option.

Soontobe60 · 30/08/2023 09:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it looked like the work of a previously banned poster

I think she could be spot on!

Elphamouche · 30/08/2023 09:40

People are wankers. I work in theatre and this happens waaaayyy more than people think. Usually the staff get involved and we make the grumpy people move.

skyeisthelimit · 30/08/2023 09:40

YANBU. I always book end of row seats due to mobility issues and the downside of that is having to keep letting people past, but I 100% accept that I need to do that as I am in their way!. I started booking end seats after getting rudeness from people as I was trying to pass them to get to the middle, and also from people standing on my feet etc as they went past.

I usually stand up until everyone is seated to avoid getting up and down all the time and I often stand during intervals until everyone else is sat down again.

I have encountered rudeness however from people pushing past and not waiting to let me get out of their way.

Next time I would get a member of staff to show you to your seat and quietly tell them that the man won't let you pass. They can then wait while you get through.

UnRavellingFast · 30/08/2023 09:50

he was just nuts. A bully in every way and probably very embarrassing for the females with him. No it’s obviously not normal. You being female definitely caused the issue- racism may have played its part too. I’m sorry this happened. Remember he is mad and unreasonable and try not to let it dent your confidence.

5128gap · 30/08/2023 09:51

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 30/08/2023 09:00

So "real racism" is exclusive to South Africa? Good to know that there's no real racism in the UK. I'm sure a lot of people will be glad to hear that

I'm glad that poster has never had the misfortune to hear how some white people in the UK talk when there are no POC present. The most outwardly polite of people can show a very different side when they feel 'safe' to do so. Most people know that they can't be overtly racist in the presence of POC. Doesn't mean the underlying attitudes aren't still there in some individuals and don't manifest in other behaviours.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 30/08/2023 09:51

YANBU. But I'm also not sure they they were at a comedy show - doesn't sound like they have much of sense of humour or fun. Maybe they were expecting the proms... 😁

Hadjab · 30/08/2023 09:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it looked like the work of a previously banned poster

And you're at best naive, and at worst thick if you think it didn't...

CornishGem1975 · 30/08/2023 09:53

Nutters. Honestly, I would have continued and just trod on the fuckers.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 30/08/2023 09:55

They’re dicks, plain and simple.

What happened when your DH tried to get past?

Hadjab · 30/08/2023 09:56

Elleherd · 30/08/2023 09:35

Some people are just dicks who enjoy bullying anyone they view as 'lesser' in their mental hierarchy. I'm in a wheelchair and it is getting worse. I'm not large, or tall, don't have big hair, get accused of being 'forrin' & am often on my own.

Generally it's just verbal but it's getting more physical:

Seated music event - no known pre-emptive issues, two men just literally suddenly dragged me out (with brakes on) from where I'd been shown to, and dumped me in an unused space at the end of a row behind a pillar, where I "wouldn't be in everyone's way anymore!" while their partners happily preened.

Saddlers Wells - shown by a staff to the designated wheelchair space. Woman behind me kept kicking me trying to find different parts of my chair to use as a foot rest, even contorting herself to push my hand off my armrest to try and get her feet on it! I'd turned a few times and she just smirked. Finally she actually tried to wriggle her toes under my coccyx!
At the interval I asked her to please stop, and got a rant about how she and her friend had chosen very expensive seats specifically to have leg room and a good view, and I was ruining their night by parking in front of them!

I said sorry, but this was the allocated wheelchair space, not a random choice made by me, and if she'd felt she'd been mis-sold her ticket she should complain to the box office.
She stood up and publicly launched into a tirade about how my ticket would have been cheaper, the awful quality of my clothing, and how she and everyone else was so sick of having having to pay more to subsidize people like me who just shouldn't be there! Painfully humiliating.
2nd half spent just kicking at me &muttering to friend about finding me outside.

Theatre- wheelchair space was restricted view, required leaning to right to see any of the stage at all. (was warned) Woman behind said I was blocking her view by leaning. I apologized, explained, and tried leaning as low as I could. At interval she complained to the usher who told her hers was also a restricted view seat, and we were both expected to lean. She argued with the usher, returned to dump her drink over my head, and stalked off loudly demanding a refund!

What the hell! I would have felt those toes then reversed straight into her legs.

pontipinemum · 30/08/2023 09:57

@Elleherd omg all of what you have experienced is horrendous!! I can't i can believe anyone would behave like that towards you. The men to just move you WTF! Not just rude, scary.

OP he sounds like a compete arse. As someone else said he has to live with that negativity he sounds like my step dad (dead) he was a miserable prick and would have got a kick out of something like that

gogomoto · 30/08/2023 09:59

Sorry op ,, how rude. I've been to hundreds, maybe thousands of gigs, shows, films and never experienced this. They sound like they are not used to auditorium etiquette

Truemilk · 30/08/2023 09:59

I've never come across this before, it's just fucking common sense to let people past so they can get to their seats. He was clearly just an asshole

Elleherd · 30/08/2023 10:01

Hadjab What the hell! I would have felt those toes then reversed straight into her legs.
Some concerns around unexpected anal intercourse meant I shot forward suddenly, and her legs hit a brass rail hard.

Thewizardbinbag · 30/08/2023 10:03

Did he move for your husband? What about all the other people who would have come to sit in all the empty seats in between?

Mehmeh22 · 30/08/2023 10:04

I would have mustered up a fart to let off in his face or got so uncomfortably close. Play him at his own game.

He was being a misogynistic prick. And probably racist too.

And I have also seen more of this utterly unreasonable behaviour more and more

QuacketyQuack · 30/08/2023 10:06

Racism. Definitely

notacooldad · 30/08/2023 10:06

Well yeah. If you looked like Jason Statham he wouldn’t have said a word. He was enjoying bullying you.
Absoutley. I now enjoy calling people (men) out on this now. I have been known to say ' You wouldn't say that if I was a bloke would you' or 'Would you say that to.......( who ever I can think of that wouldn't take shit)
Funny enough last night at a gig the artist told everyone to look around the room. He said are you blocking anyone's way? Are you the tall guy pushing to the front? Let everyone see. Respect those around you' People shuffled and all was good. However as soon as the gig got going the big guys didn't give a shit about the smaller folk and it was business as usual.

The comedy gig from the OP is mad and rude. I have never experienced anything like that whether it is at the theatre or a concert.

Swipe left for the next trending thread