AIBU to think it is odd that DH has started dog walking with a 23 year old?

[themadcarter]

I'm honestly hoping for people to tell me I am being absolutely delusional and insecure, I can assure you I am actively not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing and hence I have come here for a reality check on how others would actually see it, as it's very easy to think all kinds of things in your head.

DH is 35 and I admit, usually quite an isolated man. He works from home and does have very few friends and hobbies. He has wanted a dog his whole life and I admit that I am not a huge animal person, I do love our dog but DH does do almost it all, especially as he is the one at home (I work full time out the house). He had to go for an in person workshop a few months ago and there was an icebreaker challenge (I'm honestly shocked they still do this!) and this 23 year old mentioned her new puppy (hers was only about 13 weeks and ours 8 months at this time) and apparently they clicked over the dogs?? Not trying to be a downer here, but surely owning a dog isn't that rare, I am friends with about 8 people that have dogs. I instantly found it rather childish when he was telling me but this woman ended up giving her number to him at the end of the day. DH tells me how he told her how much me and her would get along and tried to say as much as he could to me to make it sound so obviously nothing more than friends but I just got the impression he had a bit of chemistry there.

Anyway, don't want to go on for pages and pages with every little detail. Basically he did text her and they arranged a play date for the dogs, the messages to seem very innocent and he would always tell me and it didn't seem like he was telling me for any weird motive and was just out of excitement (don't want to shit on his cereal, but I'm really not getting it and never have). She then got him a birthday present only a week later and now they meet up twice a week every week to walk the dogs... he's very open about it with me and is never trying to act secretive but it really rubs me up the wrong way, I think I must have issues because seriously, him even saying her name makes me cringe. Am I just massively insecure?? I simply don't like it, she sounds a bit obsessive with him and DH has said how he does purposely leave a minimum 12 hour delay before responding to her because she replies almost instantly and constantly sends him pictures of her dog, I said to him just tell her to stop and he really just says "no I don't mind her doing it if she wants to" so then I ask why he delays replying and he says because he just doesn't want the expectation of him just being there to respond all day.

Seriously I hate the whole thing. AIBU?

Maybe he likes talking about dogs a lot with her as he can't with you and it's nice to walk with someone rather than alone.

So exactly as us few voices of reason said then, he’s made a friend who really likes dogs and that’s it. Not sure what you find strange about it, sounds like you’re implying it’s odd because he’s made friends with someone who isn’t stereotypically attractive?

And does he use the mug a lot?

I think I would be having a chat with him about ensuring that he thinks very clearly about what his boundaries are with this 'friendship'. The frequent messages and twice weekly meet-ups could indicate to her that he is keen on her despite him not feeling the same. Maybe all you need to do is point this out to him and ask him how he thinks this would look to others (even if you don't care what others think) and how he would feel if you received constant messages from another man who you met up with alone twice a week.

I would think that the fact she really likes dogs and she’s a bit ‘odd’ (I don’t mean that to be rude) is what makes your dh feel relaxed about having her as a friend. There seems to be no expectation for either of them to be more than mutual dog lovers going for walks.

Careful @themadcarter you're in the newspaper

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/my-husband-going-dog-walks-30826541#google_vignette

I know plenty of men who have left partners for people perceived as less attractive. I know more who are happy to shag them as long as they don’t get caught. I’d still be wary OP, I know I’ll get flamed here but I don’t think people in relationships should acquire new friends of the opposite sex that they see on their own unless there is a very, very good reason. Long-standing old friends pre relationship are fine.

I used to have a male friend I met at work. After one of us left we’d meet for lunch every so often. He was married and I was single and neither of us were remotely interested in each other on a physical level. We just enjoyed each other’s company and had a laugh. It can happen sometimes, maybe not often but sometimes.

I know I’ll get flamed here but I don’t think people in relationships should acquire new friends of the opposite sex that they see on their own unless there is a very, very good reason. Long-standing old friends pre relationship are fine.

100% agree with this. The cool wives and cool girls on here will insist it's perfectly OK though. Some even claim they are married, and have shared a bed with a MALE 'FRIEND' whilst married - and he is married too! LOL, I mean WTAF?! 😆I would lose my fucking shit if I discovered my DH had spent any time in any bed with another woman! ANY woman would, and I don't believe anyone who says different. And any man would lose his shit too if it was his wife/partner!

Meeting up with members of the opposite sex - alone - for meet ups, walks, dinner etc - (when you're in a hetero relationship,) is a no no. I would not allow my DH to do it. NOPE, wouldn't be happening. And he wouldn't allow it with me either. Come on NO-ONE would. Don't try and kid yourselves! 😆

The 'I bet you'd be OK if this dog walker was a man' comments are ridiculous. Of course she wouldn't mind! They're not going to fancy each other are they?! Daft! 😆

What an odd phrase "doing you a solid" is. It makes me think of potties and toddlers.

This with knobs, bells and whistles on. Then times it by 1,000,000.

This is such a bizarre and reductive way of thinking and I can assure you not everyone thinks like you. I think it’s very sad that your perception of men and women is so steeped in misogyny, patriarchy and sexualisation that you think two people hanging out as friends is inappropriate and wrong. My partner certainly doesn’t think he has the right to “allow” me to do anything, or me him. That’s such an unhealthy dynamic. We both have friends of the opposite sex and spend time with them frequently. Oh, and we’re both bisexual. What does that mean for us according to your worldview? Probably nothing as it seems to be based on toxic heteronormative stereotypes.

Oh behave with your “toxic heteronormative stereotypes” 😂

That’s what they are though. I’m intrigued to hear your opinion on how bisexuals should manage friendships with people of both sexes

@BashCandicoot but seriously, how does it work for bi people?

You have a to pick a side can’t be friends with people the same sex as your current partner. At a guess.

I would find it odd though if dh suddenly had a new female friend. Old female friends fine but a new latch on. Nope.

I stand by what I said. The fact that bisexual couples may view forming friendships with same or opposite members of their sex differently to heterosexual couples really isn’t a revelation or relevant to the OPs situation.

Sounds like he’s just made a friend with similar interests to him 🤷🏼‍♀️

My DP and I walk our dog together most of the time (luckily we both actually like him) but we occasionally walk him separately. DP met a woman with a couple of gorgeous dogs on a walk once and they started chatting, now if he sees her they’ll walk together. He has her number because she does dog/cat sitting which may come in handy for us or someone we know.

I met a man on the beach who was obviously training his dog and struggling to nail the ‘stay’ so I offered to help (that might have been weird but he was genuinely grateful for it!) and we have since become ‘dog friends’, my dog is funny about men sometimes but he seems to trust him and I don’t get any bad vibes off him! I’d have done the same for a woman or a man of any age. He will always come over and say hello if we’re on the beach at the same time. Sometimes he’s alone, sometimes with his wife. Sometimes I’m alone, sometimes with DP. People can be friends if they have different genitals.

I don’t understand your logic here. Your reasoning behind it being wrong to form new friendships with the opposite sex is because the people involved are straight and could have an attraction to each other. So it figures bisexual people could have an attraction to a friend of either sex, yet you say that’s “different”. What is it about bisexuals that you think is immune to this way of thinking that can’t also be applied to straight people?

You don’t ‘pick a side’ 😂😂😂

I’m bisexual, my three closest friends are gay women. My long-term partner is a man. He certainly has never asked me to ‘pick a side’ and would get short shrift if he ever suggested such a thing.

There’s nothing wrong with my logic, I just don’t approach everything in my life asking myself “but what would the bisexuals do?!”

But when the argument about it is related to attraction, it's perfectly reasonable to ask what happens if someone is no for your argument

*bi

Well, there’s a pot for every lid or whatever the phrase is. Maybe he doesn’t think she’s odd and annoying…

If DH was bisexual and made a new intense male friendship with a bi or gay man then I'd be just as worried as with a straight husband and straight female friend. This is not the "gotcha" people think it is.

But no one knows her sexuality either lol?