Bad attitude after asking to use the loo in Costa? Pregnancy

[Mummatobe98]

I'm only about 12-13 weeks pregnant but need to wee a lot.

I went into a Costa store which I regularly buy coffee in and asked to use their loo. They declined . I said 'I'm pregnant' and the lady at the till reluctantly gave it to me, rolled her eyes and pulled a face at her colleague.

My partner felt like saying something

Am I wrong for asking to use the loo?

I agree. Moaning that somebody on the minimum wage should be cleaning up the piss of members of the public in addition to their actual customers is well off. The council should be providing public toilets.

Access to a toilet should never be withheld by businesses. It's a medical need.

Yes, it's a medical need, but why is some random business responsible for providing it? Why not private householders, if somebody knocks and is desperate for the toilet? Paracetamol is sometimes a medical need, but that doesn't mean that businesses that sell it should be morally-bound to just give it to you if you have no money to pay for it.

I agree that there should be a lot more public toilet provision, but don't see why private businesses should be shamed for denying their customer facilities to non-customers whilst councils can merrily close their public toilets, blaming it on budget cuts or vandalism or whatever - or not provide them in the first place - and that's somehow OK?

Agree. People need to plan ahead for their own needs, not expect businesses to accommodate them. No one is entitled to use the facilities on private property.

No, you're not wrong, OP! I always find it disheartening to see the sheer amount of mumsnetters who rabidly defend private businesses no matter what.

I just got back from visiting relatives in California and found the amount of available toilets (both public and private) to be utterly amazing, and to a real extent, freeing (speaking as someone with a smallish bladder). Supermarkets have toilets! The local library has 2 sets of them! Now that I'm back in the UK it makes me realize how few facilities there really are.

And yeah, I've worked retail and jobs where challenging customers come in. I get the issues with allowing unfettered toilet access, but I feel like the pendulum has swung way too far when baristas huff at a pregnant woman for wanting a quick facility visit.

Oh for goodness sake none of us know whether the staff member 'huffed' or 'pulled a face' as the OP claims.

But the fact of the matter is she got her own way because they let her use the toilet.

Yet she's still not happy about that.

OP, AIBU is notoriously tough - you will always get tough comments on here. Maybe post in Chat next time?

For what it’s worth, I think they could have let you use the loo, given that you are a frequent customer. However, this is the same company that celebrates the mutilation of young girls, so I don’t expect much from them.

https://unherd.com/thepost/costas-trans-mastectomy-advert-is-an-insult-to-women/

The lack of public toilets is not the shops fault. It's a business , not a public loo , or piss charity. If they let everyone who would have otherwise used a public toilet, then their loos will become no better than the public loos that we do find, which is full of piss and shit everywhere. It'll get too much to be kept clean because public keep using it, and it could also become a health and safety concern. In addition, it is usually costa staff that have to clean the toilets, and they can't be asked to clean public toilets. They could , if at all, only be asked to clean customer toilets and if you don't pay you ain't a customer, so they shouldn't be having to clean up after/for you

I try and buy something but if I’m desperate I just walk in and don’t ask. The majority of staff don’t give a shit and seeing as I don’t piss everywhere and make a mess it doesn’t negatively affect anyone.

Being pregnant dosent give you entitlement!
The toilets are for paying customers!

You need a key code in Costa so you can't just walk in without asking.

And the toilet paper and soap dispensers still need replenishing even if customers left the toilets clean enough to eat off.

🙄 It’s not like they’re doing it for free is it? It’s part of the job, that they get paid for.

It's a very small part of the job they're paid for. Ultimately they are there to serve customers.

If they became a free for all public toilet, it would then become a very big part of the job.

Councils need to take responsibility for the lack of facilities, not Costa Coffee shops.

And council is getting paid to provide services too. Which should include public toilets.

If people want toilets without hassle, lobby councils and lawmakers, not moan about private businesses not providing public service

I do wonder if there is a divide in the replies between people who’ve had to clean loos as part of their jobs aka customers only. Versus those who haven’t aka toilets are essential.

-loo roll, soap, electricity to light toilet and dry hands (or paper towels). water costs for flushing loo and washing hands if they are on a meter

-more people using the loo, particularly if it gets known that costa is the only place in town that lets you use their toilet = dirtier loo = more staff time spent cleaning it and complaints from actual paying customers about time spent waiting for loo and state of it, including the staff who usually have to use the same loo too.

Unless you've worked somewhere with public access toilets you have no idea how utterly grim people can be - shitting on the seat, deliberately blocking the loo, leaving a used tampon on the floor etc. and people who just run in and aren't going to sit back down to finish their drink (i.e. without the possibility of getting caught/shamed) are going to be more likely to be the ones who make a mess!

-also increases possibility of an accident, wear and tear, local junkies shooting up in it etc.

obviously if it was just 1 pregnant woman once a week, or even 1 a day these are very minimal costs/chances but that's the whole point - to OP she has a special reason for exemption, to costa if they let her in they've got no reason not to let any other pregnant/recently delivered woman, small child, elderly person, someone feeling sick/with cancer/stomach upset use it OR anyone who doesn't have any condition/special need at all but just says they do - so basically they have to let anyone lest they be accused of discrimination if they let 1 person use it and not others.

so if it costs even as little as 5p for 1 non-customer to use the toilet, if 50 people a day do it (very possible in big town centres with minimal loos) that's £900 a year loss.

If worse comes to worst and a random decides to fuck up the loo for whatever reason - by deliberately clogging it up (or as happened in a local doctors surgery pouring concrete down it!) - it could mean the whole shop has to shut down until it's fixed, causing hundreds/thousands of pounds.

Which MIGHT be offset by goodwill, or might not given the vast majority won't come in there again, or are even put off - no that costa has the horrible toilets/there's always a long queue, let's go to the starbucks down the road.

They get paid for cleaning customer toilets. Clue is in the name

Coincidentally, this came up on the news today: https://www.itv.com/news/wales/2023-08-30/dad-wants-towns-public-toilets-back-after-son-soiled-himself-looking-for-one - this is why cafe owners need to stop being precious about this. If you have a public loo you allow the public to use it, even if you charge something.

If worse comes to worst and a random decides to fuck up the loo for whatever reason - by deliberately clogging it up (or as happened in a local doctors surgery pouring concrete down it!) - it could mean the whole shop has to shut down until it's fixed, causing hundreds/thousands of pounds

A customer could just as easily do something moronic like this.

really? people who deliberately cause damage tend to go in/out quickly and try and cover their faces from cctv to avoid getting caught, not sit down for half an hour and enjoy a latte and a cake....

besides which it's the law of numbers, the more people use the toilet, the more likely it is to get dirty/damaged/broke/eventually need replacing due to wear and tear. The fairest way to restrict usage is limit it to customers only. If 50 customers and 50 non customers use something every day then it's going to need cleaning/replacing twice as often as if only the 50 customers use it, that's just obvious.

Will you list the easy ways to find a public bathroom please? There's so many people house-bound because the lack of public facilities who would pay for your knowledge. And, do you mind if I print your list for display in our local library?

It’s not like they’re doing it for free is it? It’s part of the job, that they get paid for.

Whatever job you do, would you be happy for people to potentially double your workload without paying you for it - as long as it's exactly the same kind of work that you do for people who DO pay you for doing it?

An extra wee in the toilet is not going to double the cleaners work load. I feel fairly certain that the op didn't pee up the wall, over the floor or in the sink. But perhaps she will confirm that.

An extra wee in the toilet is not going to double the cleaners work load. I feel fairly certain that the op didn't pee up the wall, over the floor or in the sink. But perhaps she will confirm that.

But it's not just 'an extra wee', is it? Do you think OP is the one solitary person they will ever have wanting to use their toilet without being a customer?

As PP have said, the more people using a toilet, the more likelihood of it being left filthy - and surely the ones dashing in and out anonymously are much less likely to care about leaving it minging and skiddy than somebody who has been sitting there in full view of the staff for half an hour and has interacted with them.

Yep. People who can’t hang on until they find a public loo or get home are usually desperate, and a lot of them time that means they need an almighty shit or have a bad stomach. The cafe I worked at was near a busy shopping street so it would be no exaggeration to say on Saturdays someone came in every 10-15 minutes or so just to use the loo, over the course of the day that’s an extra 50 odd people. Unless you’ve cleaned toilets for a living you won’t understand how many people chuck toilet roll/tampons/sanitary towels/wipes down the loo or even on the floor, splash water from the taps everywhere and generally make an unholy mess. It’s also more likely when they know they can dash out anonymously without the staff knowing they did it.

We’ve all been caught short and I don’t blame OP for asking, but equally I don’t blame the cafe for not being thrilled about somebody not paying for a coffee using the toilet.