Bad attitude after asking to use the loo in Costa? Pregnancy

[Mummatobe98]

I'm only about 12-13 weeks pregnant but need to wee a lot.

I went into a Costa store which I regularly buy coffee in and asked to use their loo. They declined . I said 'I'm pregnant' and the lady at the till reluctantly gave it to me, rolled her eyes and pulled a face at her colleague.

My partner felt like saying something

Am I wrong for asking to use the loo?

I think it’s perfectly ok to be ‘entitled’ to a bit of extra care when you’re pregnant, what is happening!

Well they did use their discretion once they knew she was pregnant.

I think it's totally fine to use the toilets. If you need to go you need to go.

It would take a serious kind of nob to not let a pregnant woman use the loo

It's just a post from a different forum. Literally below it is another link that says, "Unfortunately it's a private premises so they can refuse anyone entry, in much the same as if someone knocked on your door to ask to use the toilet."

Omg people are so dramatic. When you need a wee you need a wee. I've popped in plenty of places to ask for a wee and it's never been a problem (I have a very small, inconvenient bladder). Yes the toilet is for customers but it's basically about basic human decency.

I know when my friend worked at Starbucks they actually had a policy that allowed anyone to use their loo if they asked.

I think it’s perfectly ok to be ‘entitled’ to a bit of extra care when you’re pregnant, what is happening!

The problem is that loads of people could have legitimate reasons for urgently needing the toilet:
Pregnant women;
Women who've had traumatic births that have left them with continence issues;
Young children;
Elderly people;
People with IBS;
People with bladder conditions;
People with learning difficulties who can't recognise signs that they need to go until the last minute;
People with neural conditions who don't get any notice of needing to go;
People with asthma/COPD/other respiratory conditions that will make them wet themselves as an unpleasant physical side effect if they have a hacking cough to contend with when they really need a wee;
Other disabled/vulnerable people.

Even people with none of the above factors who just, as any human sometimes will experience, are absolutely desperate to go NOW in order to prevent an unpleasant accident.

What about if people don't need the toilet, but they're desperate for a sit down - maybe they have genuine mitigating factors as above - and the only place they can find with available chairs is a cafe, but they don't want to order anything to eat or drink?

What about if you really need to get somewhere on the bus route, but you don't have any money for the fare? Is the driver appalling for not allowing you to travel free, when the bus is going there anyway? Is that a sign of moral breakdown in society?

OP has said herself that she’s “protecting herself” from comments. She is obviously feeling vulnerable and needing some support rather than a hard time. She also mentioned her husband getting involved suggesting she generally needs extra support rather than being arrogant and entitled as others have referred to her.

It’s not a criticism or an attack. I too have a weak bladder and whilst I’ve never had an accident it does make you feel awful and panicked at times. I always use M&S or supermarkets and get something on the way out e.g. some chewing gum.

In cafes I would order something to take away, pay and ask to use the bathroom. Or ask if I could use the bathroom in return for 50p in the tip jar

The OP got to use the toilet. So I'm not entirely sure why people are up in arms

It's just a post from a different forum. Literally below it is another link that says,

But why would that poster put that completely idiotic text in her post? It's nothing to do with a place being a private business. Of course there's no automatic right to toilet access if you're pregnant.

Needing the toilet a lot is nothing to do with pelvic floor muscles.

For example I need to go a lot but have very strong pelvic floor muscles
I am just in a lot pain rather than weeing myself

with a weak pelvic floor it is the opposite
you can pee a bit without being desparate for the loo

perhaps everyone who goes into costa (or such the like) can get a pee token that controls the door.
If you do not use your pee token you can put it in a basket next to the toilets.
Then someone in need can use said pee token.

Every pee had something bought for: problem solved

You can't tell people what to say to you!
They can reply however they like on a public forum, although I appreciate there's no need to be harsh, asking to use a toilet for customers when you're not a customer is a bit cheeky but hardly the crime of the century!

You weren't particularly wrong for asking but neither were they for being a bit annoyed - the toilets are for customers and you weren't a customer. The fact you sometimes go to Costa is irrelevant and they wouldn't have known that. From you pov you had an exceptional reason for asking (pregnancy) but then if you accept that then every other pregnant woman, family with young children, older person, someone who is ill, someone who has eaten something dodgy and suddenly needs the loo NOW should all be allowed...in which case the toilet would be constantly in use and not available for the actual customers, let alone need more frequent cleaning, cost the business more in loo roll, soap, paper towels, increase the likelihood of an accident...you know all the reasons shops limit toilets to customers only in the first place!

I'm not pregnant but am a woman of a certain age - on Saturday afternoon I found myself dying for the loo.

I went into the Pret on the approach to the north side of London Bridge and asked a young assistant for the Ladies please - she could see I had just come in the door - she politely and nicely pointed where to go, saying there was a bit of a queue

Praise to Pret!

They used to print a code on the receipt to ensure customers only( no idea if they still do as I can't afford it now)
It's irrelevant that you often buy a coffee as you didn't this time

There is definitely a lack of public toilets in the UK.

I was in the US on holiday this year and they seemed to have far more than we do at convenient distances. As someone who frets about finding toilets I found I could really relax about it on that trip.

I was refused in Starbucks once when my 3 year old was hopping. The annoying thing was we WERE going to buy food and drinks but err quite obviously the need to wee was the more urgent priority and needed to happen before that. Needless to say we didn't spend any money there and went to a nice little indy cafe where they were only too happy to let us use the loo before we ordered.

I’m not a urogynecologist OP so feel free to ignore me and don’t bother with any pelvic floor exercises.

I disagree with all the people on here saying loos should only be for customers.

There is a lack of public loos and it is a disability, age, and sex issue, as you are more likely to need the loo if you are disabled, older, or female. And of course kids are unpredictable and are generally more likely to be out with their mothers - so it falls on the females again.

I didn't know that Costa locks its loos these days - I generally try to avoid using cafes that are so precious and lock their toilets. How much does it actually cost them for a bit of loo roll and soap? And what about all the people who buy a coffee and don't need the loo? Or buy a coffee there at some other time so now pop in to use it when they don't? I am sure it all comes out in the wash.

Access to a toilet should never be withheld by businesses. It's a medical need.

I know lots of MNers disagree with me, we'll have to agree to differ.

That's interesting - I've not been to the US in years but my mum was in New York and said you really have to have a strong bladder there and there's no sneaking into hotels to use the loo - the doormen are really alert.

The best places I've been where access to toilets is pretty easy is Jersey where there are (free) public loos every few hundred yards, and Scotland, where you have to pay, but they are there (or at least were last time I had a proper holiday there).

What about if you really need to get somewhere on the bus route, but you don't have any money for the fare? Is the driver appalling for not allowing you to travel free, when the bus is going there anyway? Is that a sign of moral breakdown in society

That is not the same. That is like going into the cafe and asking for a free coffee.

The coffee is not the medical need, access to the loo is. You can get a drink anywhere, or take a bottle of water with you. You can't just pee anywhere!

No horrible comments. Please just agree with me?
You should have just bought something. It's common courtesy

I generally try to avoid using cafes that are so precious and lock their toilets. How much does it actually cost them for a bit of loo roll and soap?

It’s more about the absolute mess left to clean up when 100+ people have used the toilet that day compared to 20 or 30.

I worked in a small coffee shop where the toilet door opened on to a tiny porch that in turn opened on to the shop floor. People would run in, lock the toilet door then run out ten minutes later leaving the most god awful smell flooding the cafe 😷 then I would have to go in and clean the skids and blocked toilet for the next customer. Too right we put a lock on the door.

It seems I made an error with my source of information that I was quoting.

https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=561336094&sxsrf=AB5stBgTsjFBpipwxNrUYlVgpTt2ZKsZGQ:1693409008773&q=the+law+pregnant+women+can+use+the+toilet+whenever&spell=1&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj9n7WT2ISBAxUDUkEAHQRUDnUQBXoECA0QAQ

Yes I didn’t mind cleaning toilets after paying customers had used them but being expected to clean wee off the seats when somebody hadn’t bought so much as a biscotti was really irritating

Access to toilet should be provided by councils since it's basic medical need.

People are moaning about the wrong side here.