To go to dinner with another man?

[Boogiewoogieanddance]

DH is being a bit funny and thinks it's inappropriate so just want to get some other opinions.

A good friend of mine was married recently, unfortunately he is now serperated through no choice of his own. He has some wedding gifts in the form of vouchers, this specific one to a super nice restaurant that I couldn't usually afford. DH also wouldn't go because he doesn't like a set menu.

He asked me today if I would go with him. We have been good friends from before his last relationship, throughout the marriage etc and are quite close.. Entirely mutually platonic. We meet up for walks, the occasional drink etc sometimes alone sometimes with friends. DH knows him and knows when we meet up, never been an issue. Recently we've probably been meeting a bit more because he's been having a hard time and could do with the company.

DH thinks it's inappropriate because its a fancy meal, I'm married, he's not anymore and seems like a date.

I appreciate that if he had out of the blue asked to take me for an overpriced dinner and wine I would feel uncomfortable and it would be inappropriate but that's not the case, it's exceptional in that it's a crappy situation and he has this voucher to use and rather than it go to waste we enjoy each others company and have nice food and that DH wouldn't even have with me anyway.

I think DH will get over it, he trusts me and I think its more that if someone else saw us together it could look sus.. But surely that shouldn't really matter?

Or am I just thinking with my belly and it's an entirely inappropriate situation...

You know When Harry Met Sally isn't a documentary, right?

Not quite this much though.
No wonder the dh is pissed off.

I'd like to reiterate a pp's question about your understanding of When Harry Met Sally, please.

@SleepingStandingUp Thank you, I appreciate that.

And I now need to change my username reading "Granny" 😂.

It's dinner with a friend. OP's husband doesn't get to be arsey about who OP spends her time with given she has no fucking intention of shagging the guy.

@GCSister Yes of course I'm 12....and married 🤨

She wasn't really laughing, you know that don't you?
I don't know a single guy who wouldn't have slept on the floor in these circumstances. Unless he was hoping for sex.

Uncomfortable though it would've been, that's what most guys would do.

She wasn't laughing.

@Sanitas I agree with you there, I would never in a million years think it's ok to share a bed with another man and I'd be equally disturbed if DH thought it was ok to do that with another woman.

But we wouldn't go on holiday in that manner, and usually go with each other so the situation wouldn't present itself.

Sometimes the optics of a situation are also important. As are the intentions of everyone involved, not just some of those involved.

She wasn't laughing

And you know this how? Unless you were the wife being referred to you have no idea.

Again you are putting your view out there as fact.

I believe that poster, you know the one who was actually part of that scenario, rather than you who has a very narrow view of the world going by your posts

I love how you have this insight into people you’ve never met. It’s quite a superpower. I’ve met his wife since, I think I have a better idea of her personality and reaction to the situation than you, random on the internet

She doesn't want sex but the friend probably does.

Just as she has every right to go, he has every right to get upset by her decision to do so.

Why are so many people being like foot stomping children about this issue? Patriarchy! Misogyny! It's not about that at all.
Just because a man expresses a wholly reasonable view that this 'friendship' is progressing to something else?
It might not be on her part, but it is on his.

Really? So you think that she'd tell you how pissed off she was?
Lol. As if.
I'm some random, true, but your assumption that just because she put on a smiley face about it she's automatically OK with what happened is way off.

Even if the friend hasn't got that intention now, putting yourself in a situation with someone who is likely to be in a lot of emotional turmoil in what is designed to be an intimate space with alcohol involved and not seeing any risks or issues seems remarkably naïve to me.

If she had an issue with it it was her prerogative to tell her husband that when he phoned her. I tend to take people at face value. But I also know these people a lot better than you and they don’t subscribe to your strange beliefs that sex is only ever a dinner away.

I don't think other peoples opinions should be described as "strange" or "ridiculous" or any other word that has been thrown around. People have different views and that's fine. Whatever works for each relationship.

Problem is when it stops working and one is uncomfortable with a certain situation. Their feelings are valid.

Who is the 'she' who 'wasn't laughing'? Are you reading a different post?

You must be a really sex-crazed individual.

I forgot to say we also went to an insanely romantic restaurant on the same trip, once we finally made it to NY (Hangawi, on East 32nd St, if anyone likes Korean food!), and still no one so much as played footsie.

Mind you, this does not really come as any kind of surprise to me, as we've been not making passes at one another for nearly 20 years, for all of which I've been married.

Not when it stops the other person leading their normal, blameless life.

The OP's partner is uncomfortable with the fancy restaurant today. What if tomorrow he starts feeling uncomfortable with her going to Starbucks with the same friend? What if he doesn't feel comfortable with her leaving the house without him?

Normally I get tired of the "slippery slope" arguments trotted out on this site all the time. But they show that a line has to be drawn somewhere - and "fancy restaurant" falls on the safe side, according to 68% of poll respondents.

It's the DH who is BU.

Only in this paricular context he may want intimacy with her.

He may want it, but he's not going to get it, so there is no problem.

their cosy friendships with men may have a darker side?

People find other people, including sometimes their friends, attractive. This doesn't mean there's a "darker side". Unrequited love / a crush / an attraction is normal, but it takes two to tango. The OP is not interested, so there would be no problem even if her friend was.

@Squiblet To some people though, that's not normal and everyone has different boundaries.

I would find it hugely abnormal if DH started going out for evening meals with another woman because that's not how we live.

I don't think OPs DH is being unreasonable at all.

sigh we're going in circles. This is not about you or your relationship.

I mean, it's fine to post once or twice with an account of your own feelings, to give people an idea of a differing viewpoint. But it's not on to post 50 times insisting that "I draw the boundary HERE and the rest of you are incorrect because you don't."

More than two-thirds of voters think it's OK for a married woman to have dinner with a single male friend, and no amount of telling us that it would not work for you will change that.

Except when i gave the example of my friend and I, you also said he must want something more. And have repeatedly taked about men wanting this and men expecting that. NOT men and women are of course fine doing anything together unless one of them has recently been dumped by their wife.

@Squiblet The reason I've done that is because you and others are not understanding how some people may feel about this (such as OPs DH).

I have not once said other people have to live the same way as I do but it is clear that this is causing issues in the OPs marriage which need to be addressed. Simply dismissing someone's feelings because they don't align with yours is disrespectful and being selfish towards a partner.

It's not really 'started going out for evening meals', is it, though, so much as 'is going out for an evening meal, as a one-of to use some vouchers'.

@MarkWithaC Bottom line is though, her husband has an issue with it.