DH won’t let me go out during ‘work hours’

[rippedjeansniceshoes]

Hi name changed as I don’t know what to make of this.
DH owns his own company and works from our home office. I am a stay at home mum with 3 young DC.
Having 3 children under 5 means I am hands-on and very busy with the children day-day.
My husband works a few hours a day, Mon-Fri. He is very lucky as his business takes care of itself at this point. He makes a few phone calls, sends a few emails and he’s done. Once sometimes twice a week he will spend the whole day doing a hobby that he loves. He does this mainly with his business partner (very good friend) and with business associates. After the hobby they chat and have a few drinks. He said this is classed as his work as it is during the Mon-Fri work hours.

A friend of mine (also with 3 young DC) asked me if I was free for lunch this Thursday afternoon as her siblings were looking after her DC and she had some child-free time! Knowing that my DH is very quiet work-wise of an afternoon (and had no golf planned) I said yes! I was so excited to get out without DC and honestly didn’t think it would be an issue for DH to look after them for 2 hours of an afternoon.

Just by me asking it has created WW3 😥 I’ve cancelled the child-free plans with my friend and I am just so upset.

DH said no as it is during his work hours. I don’t understand. I explained to him that after a long summer at home with the kids I really needed a couple of hours with my friend! His response is that I need to get it though my ‘thick skull’ that Mon-Fri are his work hours and he can’t look after the kids during that time. I explained he has lots of child-free time during the week for golf and I have none. He said golf doesn’t count as it is ‘work’ for him.

Every time I ask for child-free time this happens. Although I did go to the cinema with some mum-friends in June without the kids and he was ok (eventually) with that (DC asleep, evening showing) I drove.

Is it me? Am I wrong here?

... and the Using male privilege and Emotional abuse sections.

He seems like a complete arsehole tbh😡

@MsCactus

”Get him to watch the kids for you?” 😳

THEY’RE HIS KIDS!!!!!!!!!!

What an arse he is. Love how he gets to spend a whole day playing golf and drinking afterwards and this is classed as work. They could all meet at an office environment if that was the case. It is leisure time and it is completely unfair he causes an argument and makes it not worth the hassle for you to do anything for yourself.

OP, my DH comes home from work and takes over care of our child completely until that child is asleep in bed. Not to 'give me a break', but because it's his child who he loves and misses when he's working. He wants to grab every moment he can to be parent. Your 'D'H is horrible, really horrible, I feel very sad for you.

This is abuse.

Tell him to go and fuck himself with a brass cactus. He is NOT your boss. He is, however, an odious twat and a controlling arsehole.

There is zero point in taking to him, he will never change

Start making plans to leave and maybe you'll get some child free time if he sees the children

“Your thick skull”???

wow @rippedjeansniceshoes i hope this business of his is super successful so when you divorce him and take him for half, you have more than enough to take you’re friends out for lunch to thank them for helping you see the light with this thoroughly awful man.

Get a baby sitter, book your friend and leave them to it with DH working in his office. He’ll look SUCH a monumental cunt in front of a stranger, he won’t do it again

seriously don’t let him do you like this. Stand up, hit back at him with some serious consequences

there’s no going back from this.

This is such a depressing read. OP, you really need to leave.

*your friends

the last time you were 'allowed' out was a trip to the cinema in June?

This is no life.

Spot on, spot on...

He’s your jailer you need to get away from him.

He sounds awful. That's totally unacceptable!

Unlikely to get better.

OP, I don’t have any advice nobody else has already given but wanted to send you a virtual hug ❤

My relationship is far from perfect but if my OH uttered the words “through your thick skull” I think that would be it for me. It doesn’t sound like he respects or loves you. It sounds like you are staff fulfilling a role for him, he designates your duties and working hours. @rippedjeansniceshoes im sure you love your kids and he is a good provider but he’s exploiting you and manipulating you and undermining your sense of self

Leave, he’s abusive in many ways.

Edited to add if you leave he’ll need to step up and have the children on his own for contact, at least you’ll have a bit of a rest and he won’t be able to control your every move. What a wanker.

Must admit this one has really made me spit.

Oh OP, this is so upsetting to leave.

How has he worn you down so much that you are willing to accept this?

You have to find a way to change this because you deserve so much better.

First off I would get a part time job, he won’t like it but you need independence

But he's his own boss so can most definitely spare 2 hours once an a blue moon to give his wife the tiniest of breaks. His own boss with little to do and without needing to book allocated time off.

Ltb.

Get a divorce

I’m also going to guess he runs a recruitment business