Visit to grandparents cut short due to teenage behaviour

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I'm fully prepared to be told that AIBU, just want to gauge how others would have taken this.
DS14 and DD13 went down to see the in-laws for 4 days over the bank holiday period. About 4hrs on the train, plus cycling on our side and car ride on their side, so a considerable distance. 5yr old cousin who lives much closer to the in-laws was also visiting. They love seeing their cousin and playing with her, but from past experience can be pretty full on like toddlers are, excited to see their only cousins etc. After a couple of days of relentless playing (7am-10pm) DS and DD phones me, DD saying she is missing me, she gets emotional when tired, and DS saying he is not allowed a break from the playing. MIL overhears this and snaps at DS, bans him from dinner, further telling off etc etc, and ultimately they were sent home the next day as they had had enough of his moody, petulant, stone faced demeanour and refusal to apologise for saying telling us he needed a break. They were meant to come back the day after, instead they were taken to the station and dropped off, they came home at 9pm last night. Is this reasonable? I am totally on board with telling off for bad behaviour and feel that it's up to the grandparents to do that if necessary, DS can be like this sometimes, but in this instance, couldn't they have suck it up for a few more hours and sent them home the next day as planned? This is the first time ever that they have gone down without us, and according to the in-laws won't be happening again. Feeling sad for the kids mainly.
It's not the chastising I don't approve of, it's the way they were sent away abruptly.

That's a terrible age gap for constant company.
MIL just wanted free help so SHE didn't have to deal with toddler.

You weren’t there, so you don’t know. However you do know your own dc so I’d definitely go #teammykids on this one. Even if they were a bit stroppy knowing you had their backs will pay dividends for you and their relationship.
No drama but I’ll indulge them with some lie ins, treats and a little gentle eye rolling at grandparents.

I wonder what the timeline is re in laws invite to your dc to go down? Were they already asked to have 5yo and this was their plan for teens to babysit?

Did you MIL even want the teens there? Were they actually invited or did they just take it upon themselves to go.

I wouldn’t be sending my kids back. Instead of spending time with their grandparents they were used as unpaid babysitters.

The age gap is too big. Teenagers don’t want to play with a 5 year old and I’d be telling my in-laws that. If they want the credit for looking after their grandchildren they have to put in more effort.

if your children are anything like mine they would’ve been glad to come home.

tbh I'd have asked them to send them back the next day
in your DCs shoes i'd have asked if i could come home the very next morning

have the GPs achieved their aim of never having to have your DCs to stay again?

I hope the five yr old ran them ABSOLUTELY ragged when the free childcare escaped from Colditz

This. They deserve every ounce of this.

I’m with your DC. They did nothing wrong and your DH is right to be angry about his parents behaviour, he should be furious!
Im not surprised that 5 y.o wanted to play with cousins, it’s GPs role to manage expectations.

I think that’s absolutely horrible. If they had a problem they should have called you or their ds, not just sent their grandchildren away like that. Very cold, unkind and unloving. No wonder your dd wanted to come home. I wouldn’t send them there again.

The inlaws wanted my DCs to go down to them, as they've never had a holiday with just them. And as they hadn't seen cousin for awhile, it was suggested by me and also SIL that we try and get the kids together for some of that time. I thought SIL was going to be there too, it would have calmed things down a bit.

Again a bit of a drip feed here. BIL (DH's younger brother) visited on the last day. He, being in his early 30s gets on well with DS and they are into the same things, computor games etc . DH asked him to take DS out on his own to the pub or something to diffuse the situation and have some time together, but no, BIL took his mums' side (he always always does this, he totally adores his mum, she can do no wrong), when DS still wouldn't apologise. The whole thing is a mess and DH has fallen out with all his family now, except for SIL, but she's not totally on his side either as she had free childcare for the long weekend and she will continue to get free child care every now and then so wouldn't want to rock the boat.

So GPs couldn’t be bothered with younger child (any of the children?) and expected to use your teens as free babysitting. Sent them to bed at a ridiculously early time. Then when they complained, denied them dinner and packed them off home. Sounds like a pretty rubbish bank holiday for the teens.

Those are not nice grandparents. I suppose they’ll be surprised when the GCs don’t want to bother going again?

They were used as baby sitters and never got a break. That's horrible of your in laws. They kicked them out for telling you the truth! That's naughty of them. I'd never allow it to happen again I'd actually visit without the kids, and say they're at a friend's.

Seems odd to me trying to get a couple of teenagers together with a 5yr old!

That said, did the ILs know that they were having the 5yr old before they invited your two?

Sounds as if you are better off without them all!

I was also wondering this.

If I was invited to my grandparents at 14 and found out that a 5 year old was going to be there the whole time I'd have asked not to go/to come home again.

They can all get in the bin, as they've showed that's what they think of you all.
Can imagine if they are like I'm presuming working up the narrative amongst themselves the 5 yo and MIL are the true victims here and everything about your dc was awful.
Or it was all horrifically calculated to further drive wedge between the families and golden bollocks and his dc can get all the attention from now on!

Also OP - when the inevitable emotional blackmail starts about wanting to see the kids again, let your kids decide. No guilty conscience, no "how long might they have left" talk - it's completely up to them if they decide to associate with adults who want to use them for free babysitting.

AIBU to think that my 5 year old's teenage cousins should entertain him/her for 10 hours a day for the bank holiday weekend?

Answer: yes.

I would be livid. They have been used as unpaid babysitters.

I find it very disturbing that your mil thought it was appropriate to humiliate your son, by making him sit back down and wait for his dinner, until they had finished. Wtf!

My kids would not be going back. What a hag! Sending them home for non compliance is astonishing, they sound really awful.

Op not your kids fault at all.
I guessed from your first or second post the 5 yo (Golden child) was their daughters child.

I'd let the whole thing slide. Not worth falling out over but I wouldn't be encouraging your teens to visit alone again. Although I doubt Granny would be encouraging it either.

I feel really sorry for your kids, I would be livid, especially at being banned from dinner..how utterly ridiculous and over the top is that! Told off for being unhappy, ridiculous. I'm usually very pro mothers and mothers in laws on these threads, but your children (and by extension you) have been treated very poorly.

Good grief. MIL sounds like a stern Victorian governess rather than a grandparent. That's a horrible way to treat anyone, let alone a 14-year-old kid whose phone calls she was earwigging on after he'd been entertaining a five year old non-stop for two days.

Seriously - forget about rocking the boat - just throw your PiL overboard! The way that they treated your kids, and your DH and you...I'm mad on your behalf.

"When they said they were going into eat, he was told to sit back down again and they ate without him, but he did eat dinner eventually after they had finished"

Jesus. What a load of childish behaviour by adults.

I'd try not to talk about it in front of the kids though.
Because DS might end up blaming himself because Dad has now fallen out with his family.

Also the fact that his younger uncle sat and had the dinner while DS was ordered to stay away from the table.

They all obviously have to pander to the Grandma or they'll know what they'll get. They'll get what DS got.

My sil can be like this! Just expects the older dc to entertain her spoilt nightmares younger dc! My dc absolutely hate it!

Good to see your DH has your DC's backs. That is really good for them to see. Your PIL were honestly just dreadful, your poor children, especially your ND son. I definitely got 'golden child' from DN when I read your first post. Eavesdropping on a private conversation, withholding food and then sending them home early are completely unacceptable.