to walk in a country park at 8:30-10pm on my own?

[danniegrace]

dh annoyed at this suggestion by me and said he will be really annoyed if i do it as he will worry the whole time. we have a pretty high energy dog and the best time for his longer walk is simply in the evening time, dog is with me all day but i am a carer for a relative so with them all day, dh does take dog out in the morning but he needs another walk again in the evening and i just prefer somewhere than a pavement walk or small park... i am a fully grown woman in my late 20s. i know this sounds weird but there has been absolutely no crimes there that have come up in any sort of news, at all, not even over a decade ago, its a rather open country park vs very woodlandy. would you do it?

I understand that. It sounds lovely, but the question (here) is, would you do it alone?

Sadly, us women do have to be safety conscious. If this becomes a regular habit then you become more of a target for a predator - and sadly they do live amongst us.

My friend’s daughter was murdered while out jogging in a beautiful setting. She usually ran with her mum but her mum couldn’t go that particular day.

I would love to jog in my park whenever I want but I don’t. When I drive my car late at night I am so envious of the men who are out jogging without a care in the world.

Sarah Everard wasn't in an isolated place when she was abducted.

People keep giving examples that were either during the day or in some other way not the same as going to a country park at night. No one (I hope) is seriously proposing that women don't leave the house at all or that they do so only with chaperones.

Thing is for me it's not just "I don't want to be raped and/or murdered." I also don't want to be flashed, approached, or followed by strangers at night when there are no houses or people to run to for help. I live in a town centre. I could run a mile in any direction and pass people who may or may not have good intentions, but also open pubs with bouncers, the police station, the cinema, restaurants and most importantly streetlights. I can cross over to avoid people. The complete lack of 360 degree visibility in woods or a country park is what puts me off.

Sarah Everard wasn't in an isolated place when she was abducted

I didn’t say she was. It was to illustrate that statistical calculation of risk is useless when human behaviour is concerned.

Yes you can. I have a friend who walks every night in the dark with her dogs along country lanes and fields and woods.

A woman was left for dead in that same area a few years ago by a random attacker but that was in broad daylight! Men will attack if they want to attack. But the more women are out and about in the evening, the less likely it is that they will come across an isolated woman. That's what Reclaim the Night is all about.

Even better if you can find a couple of mates to join you.

Can you ask friends and/or neighbours who might like the opportunity to have company for a little early evening exercise to get their step count up if they would like to join you? Also a good way to make closer friendships.

I think one factor in how people react to this is how anxious a person they are generally. When you hear about something bad happening, do you then always expect it will happen to you, or do you shrug it off as just one of the many bad things that happen every day which may or may not happen to you but probably won’t? If you go out at night feeling nervous and are alarmed by the way a man looks at you, do you consider yourself to have been almost raped, or do you forget it in the way you would probably forget a nasty moment where you were nearly hit by another car when driving? Another factor is whether you or someone close to you has had a bad experience in the past. However, I think “walking at night” is a special case that fixes itself in women’s imaginations. There are so many horrendous road traffic accidents in this country every year that most of them barely make the news. But even if you do hear about one, do you think “oh, that’s so awful, I’m never getting in a car again”? No, you probably pay it very little attention and carry on with your life. You’re just so used to the idea. But for some reason many women fixate on this area and their minds instantly jump to the worst case scenario, to extent that they’re willing to curfew themselves (and often feel angry about it) to avoid the risk. I don’t know why this is, because I don’t feel the same way. Perhaps it’s because darkness feels a bit spooky and so imaginations run wild. Perhaps it’s because people (in my experience women more than men, because of their own genuine fear) are constantly reminding women about the worst case scenario and forbidding their daughters from walking alone in the dark. This will exaggerate the perception of the risks and make it seem like a very important taboo that must not be broken. Some women may never have done it and the idea of doing it for the first time might be terrifying. Whereas if you’ve done it a lot you know it just feels normal, like the rest of life. I feel that this taboo is a hangover of the patriarchy, under which women must be “protected” and restricted, and we all owe it to ourselves to examine it critically and decide if our fear is rational or not. If someone is genuinely afraid I respect that fear and would never try to traumatise them by telling they have to do something which scares them. However, I want to save people from sleepwalking into fear just because other people tell them they should.

And men are just as at risk as women. Maybe they are raped less but very nasty things can happen to them. And that shouldn’t just be dismissed - it would be awful for a man you loved to be attacked. But they don’t feed themselves the same narrative about hiding away, so they feel freer. Invincible even, accompanying those poor little women when they need to walk home and obviously can’t do it alone.

A great big strong 6 foot 5 man is just at risk as a 5 foot 1 woman? Really? You need to get your head checked.

Yep. I’d do it. I am not scared of my own shadow, I take a walking tracker with me and tell my husband where I go. I often jog in an evening as I work long hours.

Men are at greater risk

Men are much more likely to be attacked and get injured than women

They just get raped less

Although actually most violence against women happens in the home or with people they already know

Stranger violence is much more likely to happen to a man and being over six foot won't help when there are three of them attacking you

The suggestions to find someone to walk with would make the whole exercise pointless for me. Most of the walking I do around my village is on my own, the purpose being to have some time alone. I purposely wait until it's dark so that I know I will not meet anyone.
I head over the fields often around 11pm and in all the years I've done so have not met a single person. I am quite highly strung and get myself in all sorts of pickles day to day - my solitary walking is very, very good for me (and thus the people around me).

I enjoy running at night, too, and personally feel safer as the biggest danger is from the traffic and at night I can see the lights.

I listen to the news and make my own informed decisions.

You're better off being weaker with a low chance of being attacked than stronger with a much higher possibility. Physical strength is irrelevant if you're not attacked.

Most thugs tend to pick fights they think they can win and will also probably have more fighting experience than the average non violent bloke. And that's before we even consider knives. Do you really think that guy who was fatally stabbed by a 24yo a few months back wasn't stronger than the kid?

14yo not 24yo

I have done before but I had a massive wolf-hybrid who would act as enough of a deterrent. With a "normal" dog I wouldn't. I know people are saying you're more likely to be attacked etc in town but at least there is a higher chance of cars passing and houses to knock on. Happened to a wee girl locally a couple of weeks ago and it was only thanks to two young lads being able to run to the road and flag down cars that the guy was caught (and dealt with appropriately before the police arrived). Imagine that in the middle of a country park.

To go back to the original question, I think the best kind of love frees up the other person to do what they want and sucks up any worry it might cause. A relationship should enhance life, not limit it. Ask yourself this question: if your husband enjoyed a dangerous sport such as mountain climbing, would you be happy for him to do it just because he wanted to, even though you might worry every time? Would you “let” him do it? If the answer is yes, he should afford you the same respect. If the answer is no then maybe you guys have a different dynamic, but it would seem like an uncomfortable one to me.

Apart from obvious risk from predatory males ,I always worry about falling over in the dark as well.There are lumps and bumps on the ground you may not see.Why not take him out on his lead a bit earlier just round the local area.We should be able to walk whenever we like ,but sadly dont live in a perfect world!

This is a brilliant idea.

6 too many.

Nah. Sounds like he’s just nervous something will happen to his dp. I doubt he wants to keep her under lock and key. If he did he wouldn’t have partnered with someone as independent as op.

@DameCurlyBassey of course anyone being murdered is terrible and shouldn't happen but the way some talk on threads like this suggests that there are murderers waiting to pounce and women are being killed by strangers every day which isn't happening.

Women are being murdered by people they know all the fucking time (most days) but stranger attacks are a lot rarer.

He's allowed to be worried but he's not allowed to use that worry to control her actions. If she wants to go and walk the dog at 8.30pm then that's entirely her decision. It's nothing to do with him.

Well said

Some people like their alone time though.
I know I do, and a pp has said so too.
Would hate to have to make small talk with a neighbour or friend rather than be with my own thoughts, would feel a bit chaperoned.
Some of us are introverts and just need to go out by ourselves sometimes 😁