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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to walk in a country park at 8:30-10pm on my own?

359 replies

danniegrace · 28/08/2023 21:06

dh annoyed at this suggestion by me and said he will be really annoyed if i do it as he will worry the whole time. we have a pretty high energy dog and the best time for his longer walk is simply in the evening time, dog is with me all day but i am a carer for a relative so with them all day, dh does take dog out in the morning but he needs another walk again in the evening and i just prefer somewhere than a pavement walk or small park... i am a fully grown woman in my late 20s. i know this sounds weird but there has been absolutely no crimes there that have come up in any sort of news, at all, not even over a decade ago, its a rather open country park vs very woodlandy. would you do it?

OP posts:
Wellhellother · 29/08/2023 21:42

I would because quite frankly, if anyone tried to attack me my dog would get them first (they wouldn't attack just anyone but would if they saw I was in danger). What is your dog like?

RomeoandJomeo · 29/08/2023 21:44

Tina8800 · 29/08/2023 19:42

@AcesBaseballbat Annoyed because you have a partner who is worried about you?
Well if your partner isn't concerned with your safety while you are walking in the dark alone-- for me that is the red flag.

No. Annoyed because her partner seems to think he's in charge of what she's allowed to do and where she's allowed to go.
I actually think some men get off on being the protector and preventing us from doing things 'for our own good'. It's deeply paternalistic, and it perpetuates women's fears and makes them doubt themselves.

Loramora · 29/08/2023 21:45

Might be okay now, but when it gets dark and soggy on the floor at 4pm come November then no way. Just do a rounds the block until next summer

ActDottie · 29/08/2023 21:55

I wouldn’t in the winter the dogs get an evening road walk as I’d be too scared on my own in a country park :( sadly it’s the world we live in

Mousemousemummy · 29/08/2023 21:55

If you do decide to do the walk maybe a compromise for your partner would be to put a tracker app on your phone for the time that you are out. It doesn't need to be on all the time, purely for the late night walks so he can see that you are moving along safely

RomeoandJomeo · 29/08/2023 21:57

Minglingpringle · 29/08/2023 20:57

I would very happily do this and have done many similar things over the years. I would also be annoyed at the attempt to restrict my freedom. Victorian women were controlled in much the same way - their agency was removed and they were not allowed to develop their own judgement because they needed to be protected. I’m not saying bad things never happen to women at night but i do not think the falling of darkness directly equates to an increase in risk. I think the fear women have is disproportionate to the risk. I think a lot of it is TAUGHT to women - by their mothers and by other women. A circle of fearful hype is created. (Also some of the fear might come from the fact that it just feels a bit spooky, which is not rational and can be discounted.) And then if you don’t actually feel that fear, people go on and on so much about how you should feel it that, unless you’re very strong, you begin to feel like a right eejit if you ignore them and you feel like everyone - women - will judge you if you do. To me, it’s like the risk of crossing the road. There’s a small risk that I might be run over and killed. But if I allowed myself to hide indoors all day and never go near a road, that would be disproportionate and a waste of my life. Personally, I love the smells, atmosphere and freedom of walking at night and I don’t let other people’s anxiety put me off it.

This.
As a student I had friends (male and female) repeatedly attempt to police my actions in this way, telling me it wasn't safe to walk home etc. These same people would laugh about their 'accident prone' male friend who had been mugged several time... they certainly never tried preventing him from walking home at night, despite the evidence that he appeared to have a target in his back.

SuperNewMe · 29/08/2023 22:04

Mousemousemummy · 29/08/2023 21:55

If you do decide to do the walk maybe a compromise for your partner would be to put a tracker app on your phone for the time that you are out. It doesn't need to be on all the time, purely for the late night walks so he can see that you are moving along safely

She's an adult!
I'm the most boring person on the planet to follow stalk movement of, but hate the thought of not going out without my husband tracking my moves to stop him worrying.
Fuck that.

BIossomtoes · 29/08/2023 22:44

Where I was a student there was an isolated path which was a well used shortcut. Most women avoided it at night both on foot or on bikes but there were a fearless few who refused to allow men to dictate their lives. One night a 19 year old woman was beaten up and raped on her way home. It was life changing for her.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/08/2023 22:49

SuperNewMe · 29/08/2023 22:04

She's an adult!
I'm the most boring person on the planet to follow stalk movement of, but hate the thought of not going out without my husband tracking my moves to stop him worrying.
Fuck that.

Show quote history

Absolutely. My husband is my husband, not my parent and I’m certainly not a child.

girlfriend44 · 29/08/2023 22:50

No I wouldn't do it.
I posted something similar last week about a woman being out in the early hours alone, but alot of people thought it was fine
Guess it depends whose reading the posts and replying.

Normalweirdo · 30/08/2023 07:38

Maybe its to do with where you are. I've grew up in the countryside and I'm comfortable to walk the beach or woods or fields on my own at night. The important thing is to let someone know your route and this is more to do with accidents. On clear nights you can see well once your eyes adjust but on overcast cloudy nights you won't see your hand in front of your face.
Downloading a tracking app like life 360 might make your dh more comfortable and is actually a really good idea for when you're walking alone.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 30/08/2023 07:59

It's op decision to make- but I personally don't want my partner to worry about me and it is not something that worth the constant argument.

This just smacks of control disguised as worry, though.

A pretty common tactic used by abusers, actually.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 30/08/2023 08:08

It's op decision to make- but I personally don't want my partner to worry about me and it is not something that worth the constant argument.

That's not a good reason to be restricting your freedoms and activities. Your partner shouldn't even have the right to argue with you about this.

Tillow4ever · 30/08/2023 10:20

I regularly go out walking for hours late at night, sometimes til midnight/1am. I walk around our town bypass, round parks, through the town, etc. I often have my 11 year old with me (weekends/school holidays as he loves walking at night) but I’ll also go on my own (I’m female). When I was 17 I was raped. I lived in fear for too many years. I refuse to let that fear stop me from doing what I want now.

I live in a small town though.

I have had a few rows with my boss over this though! He wouldn’t let me walk home alone from a work night out and insisted I was given a lift by one of the team who wasn’t drinking (and this was in my home town) and on another team trip (unknown place to us all) I was going back to the hotel around 1am, still really busy and fairly light surprisingly, and he wanted to put me in a taxi - I ended up telling him to fuck off and pointed out how sexist it was to not let me walk a max of 10 mins through a really busy city centre, no allyways, etc. wasn’t like it was 4am and no one around!

anyway, point is - if you want to just do it. You don’t need anyone’s permission. Besides, you’ll have the dog with you anyway!

Alaimo · 30/08/2023 11:03

I probably would, but would also mix up the times and walking routes a bit. Perhaps this doesn't make sense, but it always feels like the risk of running into someone unsavoury is pretty low, but at the same time I wouldn't want anyone to know that I am there on my own every night.

unfor · 30/08/2023 11:08

I would do it. Men are statistically more likely to get attacked by a stranger, IMO we need to dismantle this idea that women are more vulnerable.

BarnacleBeasley · 30/08/2023 11:10

I would do it, but not the same route at the same time every day (or on the same day of the week).

Mousemousemummy · 30/08/2023 13:50

Perhaps me calling it a compromise is the wrong way of putting it. I completely understand that as a grown woman she has every right to walk where, when and how she sees fit and if she feels safe then that is what matters. However I also don't feel that it is unreasonable that someone who cares for you (not even a partner necessarily, could be a friend/family member) may still worry about you and that there may be an option to make them feel less worried for you.

medianewbie · 30/08/2023 14:09

AllSewnUp · 28/08/2023 21:09

Not when it's dark outside OP, no way. It really really annoys me no end that as women it is not safe for us to be going out for a walk when the sun has gone down because men are our biggest predators, but it's the world we live in.

Agreed. There's a guy who did time for
rape living down the Lane from me. He's intrusive. So neither I nor Dd walk our dog down the railway cutting now. Pisses me off no end but I'd rather be safe. Single female, remote area in the dark? I wouldn't. Infuriating but I'd not.

SuperNewMe · 30/08/2023 14:54

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 30/08/2023 07:59

It's op decision to make- but I personally don't want my partner to worry about me and it is not something that worth the constant argument.

This just smacks of control disguised as worry, though.

A pretty common tactic used by abusers, actually.

Exactly

ScruffGin · 30/08/2023 15:00

I do, but I have a very protective German shepherd, so good luck to anyone that tried to attack me, it would make the dogs day! 😂

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/08/2023 15:04

unfor · 30/08/2023 11:08

I would do it. Men are statistically more likely to get attacked by a stranger, IMO we need to dismantle this idea that women are more vulnerable.

Exactly.

Yet no one is telling men not to walk alone at night.

Crayfishforyou · 30/08/2023 15:22

I do it, I take a head torch and share my location.

Dgrl04 · 30/08/2023 17:54

Why would it be an issue? I love taking walks at night to clear my mind before bed after a long work day. As long as you feel safe and are careful.

Sugarfish · 30/08/2023 18:05

I would, you can be attacked at any time of day or night. Also round my area it’s gangs of men that attack each other so I generally feel safe as a lone women.

But only you know what it’s like where you live and if you feel safe go for it. I wouldn’t not do something because my partner didn’t like the idea.