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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to walk in a country park at 8:30-10pm on my own?

359 replies

danniegrace · 28/08/2023 21:06

dh annoyed at this suggestion by me and said he will be really annoyed if i do it as he will worry the whole time. we have a pretty high energy dog and the best time for his longer walk is simply in the evening time, dog is with me all day but i am a carer for a relative so with them all day, dh does take dog out in the morning but he needs another walk again in the evening and i just prefer somewhere than a pavement walk or small park... i am a fully grown woman in my late 20s. i know this sounds weird but there has been absolutely no crimes there that have come up in any sort of news, at all, not even over a decade ago, its a rather open country park vs very woodlandy. would you do it?

OP posts:
SlippySarah · 29/08/2023 20:23

OP I would do it if I felt safe and if you were my friend/partner I would trust your judgement and not question you. However I realise that one of the reasons I would take this view is because nothing particularly untoward has ever happened to me in such an environment and if someone didn't feel safe doing this based on their own experiences or fears (rational or otherwise) then this should be equally respected.

I just hate the thought that anyone would be OK with being given a curfew or a list of permitted walking locations by their DH.

Eggsandavocado · 29/08/2023 20:25

Saschka · 29/08/2023 19:59

Unfortunately they are pretty common. Either that or I’m very unfortunate in my choice of places to drink my coffee Confused

I seem to unwittingly discover all the dogging areas, they are always the perfect place to park up for a peaceful dog walk 😆

Tina8800 · 29/08/2023 20:30

SuperNewMe · 29/08/2023 20:22

At 18 you're an adult.
You can worry for your child's safety all you like at that age, but you shouldn't project your issues onto them.

So you are not allowed to say if you are concerned?

In my understanding, op partner raised concerns. You are acting like he chained op to the radiator.

It's op decision to make- but I personally don't want my partner to worry about me and it is not something that worth the constant argument.

jumpingbean1810 · 29/08/2023 20:34

As someone who has been attacked while walking home at night on a quiet road, I wouldn't personally.

MrsF111 · 29/08/2023 20:35

I think it depends where you live, and what kind of dog you have. I would walk the dogs on my own near me but it’s a “safe” area and both dogs bark/growl if they see a man minus a dog walking near us. Where we used to live I would no way do it even with those dogs as I didn’t feel safe there.

SuperNewMe · 29/08/2023 20:36

Tina8800 · 29/08/2023 20:30

So you are not allowed to say if you are concerned?

In my understanding, op partner raised concerns. You are acting like he chained op to the radiator.

It's op decision to make- but I personally don't want my partner to worry about me and it is not something that worth the constant argument.

I'm not about to start staying in or curtailing my movements just to keep my husband happy and stop him from "worrying about me."

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 29/08/2023 20:38

If you feel safe doing it, go for it. I have never been afraid of walking at all hours and I don't mean to start! I mean, sometimes I might spook myself thinking of ghosts and ghouls but that's just my sleep deprived 3am pitch black night time brain 😂

FedUpWithEverything123 · 29/08/2023 20:38

Definitely not OP (as in, no, I wouldn't do it in a million years)

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/08/2023 20:39

Tina8800 · 29/08/2023 20:30

So you are not allowed to say if you are concerned?

In my understanding, op partner raised concerns. You are acting like he chained op to the radiator.

It's op decision to make- but I personally don't want my partner to worry about me and it is not something that worth the constant argument.

OP said he would be 'really annoyed' if she did it. That isn't just raising a concern.

It shouldn't be a constant argument either if it is acknowledged it is OP's decision to make.

SuperNewMe · 29/08/2023 20:40

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/08/2023 20:39

OP said he would be 'really annoyed' if she did it. That isn't just raising a concern.

It shouldn't be a constant argument either if it is acknowledged it is OP's decision to make.

Exactly

Tina8800 · 29/08/2023 20:43

BIossomtoes · 29/08/2023 20:02

It feels concerned and loving to me.

Exactly!
So many strange people here.

Op, you better ask your friends and family who know where you live and know your partner. Not some random people who are scared of they own shadows but online they love to pretend they are not.

Johnnybegood2 · 29/08/2023 20:44

I would but I live in the sticks in the country 🤷‍♀️

I lived in Bristol for a time, not in a particularly rough area but, I still went out late at night etc

It's personal choice tbh, just be aware of your surroundings, don't wear headphones or be on your phone etc you'll have your dog with you too which should help.

Vettrianofan · 29/08/2023 20:44

AllSewnUp · 29/08/2023 00:37

Just over 20 years ago when I was younger and more naive, I was followed home. It was evening time, can't remember the exact time, but probably around 10pm ish. I was living in London at the time. I'd come out of the tube station and was heading back home which was a short walk, maybe 10 mins. Not long after coming out the tube station I was aware of a short, fat little fucker in a suit a little too close behind me. I kept walking - upped the pace and couldn't lose him. Got to a road and knowing he was literally right behind me, I waited until he crossed first. Thank fuck - he was now in front. Not for long my friend! He slowed his pace right the fuck down and I was back in front. I started running, he started running. At this point I was FUCKING TERRIFIED. Just as I was approaching home another bloke (yeah they're not all bad for sure!) saw what was happening and chased the fat fucker and caught him. Long story short - the police were involved and he admitted what he'd done (he didn't really have any choice given the circumstance).

About 5 years later, I had an art studio in a fairly rural part of London, a bit further out. It was a space I'd use evenings and weekends, around my day job. Leaving late in the evening to catch the bus home was all fine... until one day it wasn't. I'd locked up, walked up to the bus stop, no one around, and waited. A car drives past, as he approaches he slows down and turns and stares, but carried on driving, I clocked this but didn't think too much of it initially. A short while later the same chap is back, he's obviously turned around further up the road so now he's on the opposite side of the road and again, as he approaches he slows down and again, he stares as he drives past. I can't remember how many times he did this, but it felt like it went on forever, meanwhile by this point I was starting to feel pretty anxious about my bus turns up. The final time he drives past he is driving on the same side of the road where I'm sat at the bus stop, only this time he doesn't keep going and repeat the pattern again... he stops. He's pulled up in a road that runs left of the road I was waiting at, and I can see him, sitting there, staring at me. I can still to this day remember the creepy fuckers face, and his hair. This was my 2nd REALLY BLOODY LUCKY escape, because thankfully the bus did turn up... it was one of those bendy buses that London used to have - I've never been so relieved to get on public transport. I sat down in a seat that was kerb side, full of relief but then also terrified this bloke was going to follow the bus and I'd have to deal with him the other end. Thankfully at the time I was living in central London and the bus stop was really close to my flat. I got off that bus and ran like I've never fucking ran before and got home. It was also fairly busy the other end (the end where I was waiting for the bus... there was no one around... pretty desolate).

So, thanks for the offer to cool off on the drama and to go for a jog at night, but I think I'll give it a miss.

In both of these instances, whilst they were not in a park - the things that made me safe were 1) someone else being there to save the day and 2) public transport that I was able to escape onto. Both these incidents still give me the chills, over 20 years later. They could both have ended very differently.

We're all grown ups, we can each decide for ourselves how we feel about the risks involved when it comes to being out and about as a female when it's dark, whether that's in a rural area or otherwise.

I do find it staggering to see that folk like you are so naive about women's safety though.

Also, I never said "most men are predators", I said that "men are women's biggest predator".

It's okay, I believe you. Unlike other posters who choose to trivialise these realities many of us have had to endure, there are others like myself who understand how frightening this is and it can happen to anyone at any time of day. Especially if you follow a set routine. Or sometimes totally random attacks do happen.

AnnieSnap · 29/08/2023 20:48

It entirely depends on the breed of dog for me. At your age I had a lovely Rottweiler. It was very amusing to be walking with her toward a group of men who were full of bravado and watch as they suddenly realised that I wasn’t going to move out of the way. They would suddenly go quiet and part like the sea in the bible. It made me realise that without her (probably like most/all women), it would be me who moved cringing at what they might say to me.

I currently have a 4-month-old Weimaraner. When she us an adult, I would also walk her at night, since the breed would stand for no threat their human. The same would apply to a Rhodesian Ridgeback, German Shepherd etc. Did I I walk my Standard Poodle at night? Absolutely not. Nor would I, a Spaniel, Poodle Cross etc.

Casperroonie · 29/08/2023 20:54

As infuriating as it is, I don't think it's safe. Is there any chance if organising a walk with someone else so you're not on your own? how big's your dog and would it be of any help (or would it run away??!). Btw I still wouldn't take the risk.

SuperNewMe · 29/08/2023 20:55

Tina8800 · 29/08/2023 20:43

Exactly!
So many strange people here.

Op, you better ask your friends and family who know where you live and know your partner. Not some random people who are scared of they own shadows but online they love to pretend they are not.

I'm personally not pretending anything, obvs can't speak for anyone else.
Being really annoyed goes a bit beyond just being concerned for your partner's safety.
Being that they're presumably a grown adult.

Zanatdy · 29/08/2023 20:56

I personally wouldn’t, I can understand he’s worried. Cannot he take the dog?

Kwasi · 29/08/2023 20:57

I live within reasonable distance of several country parks. The only thing you have to worry about at night is not seeing the dog poo.

Minglingpringle · 29/08/2023 20:57

I would very happily do this and have done many similar things over the years. I would also be annoyed at the attempt to restrict my freedom. Victorian women were controlled in much the same way - their agency was removed and they were not allowed to develop their own judgement because they needed to be protected. I’m not saying bad things never happen to women at night but i do not think the falling of darkness directly equates to an increase in risk. I think the fear women have is disproportionate to the risk. I think a lot of it is TAUGHT to women - by their mothers and by other women. A circle of fearful hype is created. (Also some of the fear might come from the fact that it just feels a bit spooky, which is not rational and can be discounted.) And then if you don’t actually feel that fear, people go on and on so much about how you should feel it that, unless you’re very strong, you begin to feel like a right eejit if you ignore them and you feel like everyone - women - will judge you if you do. To me, it’s like the risk of crossing the road. There’s a small risk that I might be run over and killed. But if I allowed myself to hide indoors all day and never go near a road, that would be disproportionate and a waste of my life. Personally, I love the smells, atmosphere and freedom of walking at night and I don’t let other people’s anxiety put me off it.

Vettrianofan · 29/08/2023 20:59

NerrSnerr · 29/08/2023 08:20

That was in the morning and she was with her child. Would you avoid walking with your children somewhere secluded in the day time due to the minuscule chance of this happening?

Yes I do actually avoid walking in secluded areas with my children alone as it happens - after the experience of being followed in a secluded area. Imagine that 🙄

gogomoto · 29/08/2023 21:03

I've always walked mine at night, but he's a collie and I strongly suspect that anyone who tried to hurt me would end up on a&e or a box. In fact I have to be a bit careful as he has a habit of growling a warning shot at men within a few metres! He's not persuaded by food or other distractions unlike done dogs too (won't eat whilst "working")

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/08/2023 21:04

SuperNewMe · 29/08/2023 20:55

I'm personally not pretending anything, obvs can't speak for anyone else.
Being really annoyed goes a bit beyond just being concerned for your partner's safety.
Being that they're presumably a grown adult.

Not pretending here either. It's bonkers to suggest that just because someone has a different opinion, they are 'pretending'.

It absolutely goes beyond just being concerned.

Rottweilermummy · 29/08/2023 21:06

Depends on the park I'd rather go to one where there is people about, I have a rottie so feel pretty safe walking in dark with her , after all evenings drawing in so they're going to need their walks regardless of the time, I would take a torch with me, light up collar for dog and an alarm. Just to be on safe side

purplehair1 · 29/08/2023 21:16

I used to walk the streets late at night when I felt restless. This was in an averagely dodgy area in London, I wouldn’t hesitate. Especially with a dog. I hate it that women feel this fear but I do understand it. Hate being told I can’t do something just because I’m female. Travelled round Europe - as far as Morocco on my own interrailing in my and came back in one piece!

Doone21 · 29/08/2023 21:30

If you're happy then why not? I used to walk round anywhere in London at all hours.
To appease your husband you could always offer to carry mace, tazer, rape alarm or whatever.
Although I find a large dog is a good deterrent as well.
People who live in fear like everyone else to do so and predict catastrophe constantly. Its bloody depressing and I don't give in to it. And it's a fact that men alone are just as much at risk of muggings or attacks as any female.