to walk in a country park at 8:30-10pm on my own?

[danniegrace]

dh annoyed at this suggestion by me and said he will be really annoyed if i do it as he will worry the whole time. we have a pretty high energy dog and the best time for his longer walk is simply in the evening time, dog is with me all day but i am a carer for a relative so with them all day, dh does take dog out in the morning but he needs another walk again in the evening and i just prefer somewhere than a pavement walk or small park... i am a fully grown woman in my late 20s. i know this sounds weird but there has been absolutely no crimes there that have come up in any sort of news, at all, not even over a decade ago, its a rather open country park vs very woodlandy. would you do it?

You're probably right. One question is 'how do you think your dog would react if someone did start attacking you'? You'd likely find that they'd be chased off but would obviously be terrifying.

It's one of those where the reality is probably a lot safer than what we often fear. Chances are that there will be very few people in the park at night and those who are there (because there probably will be people there, 99% of whom will do you no harm).

I mountain bike and in winter do this in the dark. Mostly its in a larger group, but sometimes it's just me and DP and a couple of times it's just been me and a female friend, obviously we've always been fine. Although I didn't appreciate the time when we stopped for a little break in the middle of the woods at 7 pm on a December evening she thought it would be a good time to tell me that a woman had been raped in those woods not so long ago. Another friend who was running in the same woods at dusk was flashed at, which shook her up a bit. But the other consideration would be getting help if you fell - there's a lot to trip over when you can't see where you're going, make sure you have a powerful torch.

Maybe give it a try and see what it feels like? You might find it too unnerving when you're out there.

So does OP need permission from her partner before she's allowed to walk anywhere?

One question is 'how do you think your dog would react if someone did start attacking you'?

That worries me most. She’s 5kg dripping wet and I reckon she’d end up dead.

I don’t think I would feel comfortable doing it. I don’t want to feel that way, but I’m pretty sure I’d make an active choice not to do it. Husband being unhappy about it wouldn’t really factor in, it would be my decision.

Well yeah because we're not living in Gilead.

Personally I'd find a man saying he'd be "really annoyed" if his wife disobeyed his commands to be more of a red flag for risk than going for a walk.

(Not implying your husband is abusive, OP. But I wouldn't be happy to have a partner tell me he'd be "really annoyed" if I didn't let him dictate when I'm allowed to leave my own house.)

@AcesBaseballbat Annoyed because you have a partner who is worried about you?
Well if your partner isn't concerned with your safety while you are walking in the dark alone-- for me that is the red flag.

Your argument is very weak. Try again

@AcesBaseballbat said "You're far, far, far more likely to be assaulted in a park in the daytime that at nighttime." Supply a supporting reference if you can. I posted links earlier to a report on crimes in London area. Take a read.

@AcesBaseballbat said "Stranger rape is extremely rare. The chance of a man lurking in a park at night crossing his fingers that a lone woman decides to walk in that park at night is just... it's more likely that you'll be struck by lighting, or a piece of plane falls out of the sky and bonks you on the head."

Again provide a reference for that claim, or just correct your post. Lifetime risk of stranger rape might be 1 or 2 or 3 in 100, based on a range of UK estimates.

I might do it with a friend with me. I'd be too nervous on my own even with the dog. Would any of your friends be interested in a walk at that time?

Haven’t read all the replies but I’ve done it once, in a country park quite late and a man started walking with me who was dressed head to toe in camouflage clothing telling me he’d literally just stepped off a plane from Afghanistan and he had been killing insurgents.
I stick to daytime walks these days when there’s more people around.

And the link again to the most recent London analysis. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10610-022-09535-5#Sec20

You can see the data on locations, and the temporal data in Fig 4. Time of the day is a clear factor.

Not sure if it's just me but both links you've posted just takes me to the link springer home page.

Being alone apart from the dog in a big field and realising your not alone is the scariest thing ever no way would I do it again.

No it isn't.

It seems like you're argument is that OP should 'respect' her partner by simply doing what he says. Where's the respect for the fact that OP is a grown woman and is capable of making her own choices?

Me too.

It feels controlling.

Unfortunately they are pretty common. Either that or I’m very unfortunate in my choice of places to drink my coffee

There could be some issue with the link (I'm at work!). If you go to Google Scholar and search for "Patterns and Predictors of Stranger Rape Locations" ... you can click the link from there. Here is the reference.

Lundrigan, Samantha, et al. "Patterns and predictors of stranger rape locations." European Journal on Criminal Policy and Research (2022): 1-29.

It is limited in that it only included the 10,488 stranger rapes committed over a recent 15-year period in Greater London area report LMPS, i.e., it's likely a significant under estimate due to victims not reporting.

It feels concerned and loving to me.

Concerned and loving to me would be a partner raising it but also accepting the fact that it ultimately isn't his decision because he isn't her father, he's her partner and is supposed to be his equal.

Getting annoyed, arguing etc would feel controlling to me and I wouldn't accept it.

Would you say the same to your 18 years old daughter? Yes, honey, walk alone in the dark, you are a grown women and I must respect that!

It's complitely normal to worry about your loved ones safety! And it's not some ridiculous nonsense, it's about a women walking alone at night.

Most of these will be useless to the average woman. A handgun/taser/CS gas with appropriate training maybe but none are legal.

I would definitely want my 18 yo daughter (and son) to make her own risk assessment based on her knowledge of the route, the safety precautions she has taken and her own instincts and feelings rather than doing/not doing something because of what her boyfriend wanted.

Highly recommended the Petzl NAO head torch.

I walk my dogs in the dark either early morning or late night, I did have to change my habits once because a man in a car was parking up at 5:30 am each morning next to the field where I was walking so I stopped going there so often and also changed times.

I’m also a runner and often run with the dogs in the dark.

But …. I have several dogs, and they are all big, only one of them dislikes strangers and I know 100% would protect me, I’m not sure if I didn’t have him whether I would walk in the dark.

Could you find someone else local to walk with ? Do you have any local doggy Facebook groups ?

At 18 you're an adult.
You can worry for your child's safety all you like at that age, but you shouldn't project your issues onto them.

OP isn't her partners daughter for a start though.

You can express your concerns but that's where it has to end because otherwise it can become controlling.

With an 18 year old, what are you going to do as an alternative? Lock them in their room? They do have to make their own choices and risk assessments, it's part of growing up and becoming independent.