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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that friends didn’t to text to thank me for hosting lunch party?

146 replies

GreekDogRescue · 28/08/2023 19:25

I went to a huge amount of trouble; cooked for 3 days and provided fantastic drinks.
There were 6 of us, partner and my friend staying who is great.

But my 3 other friends arrived on time, brought flowers as it was my birthday, lovely, and stayed for SEVEN HOURS.

They had a great time, drank and ate large amounts and we had a good old eighties disco. I thought they’d never leave tbh.

But today I’m shattered (I’ve been ill so it was quite an effort) and while I know they had a good time I am disappointed no communication. One forwarded me a video about something but didn’t add a personal message.

I’m 60 and think my days of entertaining are coming to a close. It’s exhausting especially when people don’t really appreciate it.

OP posts:

Catsfrontbum · 28/08/2023 19:26

Give them a minute!

GRex · 28/08/2023 19:27

Did they say thank you when they left? Hopefully they are just knackered too and will message in a day or two.

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 19:28

Did they thank you when they left?
Maybe they are still recovering.

Kinneddar · 28/08/2023 19:31

Did they thank you when they were leaving? If they did I don't think texting again is necessary

YouHoooo · 28/08/2023 19:36

I wouldn’t expect a text, I’d hope they’d say thank you at the time.

If you don’t like cooking for three days (!), then don’t make a martyr of yourself by doing it. Hosting can be far more straightforward.

TeenLifeMum · 28/08/2023 19:40

We went to dinner at friends the other day. We thanked them as we left. Not sure it’s obligatory to thank by text the next day? We had a lovely time and appreciate it but we host sometimes too. It’s nice to get a message but not something if stress over.

GRex · 28/08/2023 19:40

I’m 60 and think my days of entertaining are coming to a close. It’s exhausting especially when people don’t really appreciate it.
You can also just get a bunch of picnic stuff from M&S, or order pizza delivery. No need to spend 3 days prepping a feast.

MatildaTheCat · 28/08/2023 19:42

I think it’s rude and you’d definitely get a thank you text and a card for that level of hosting. But presumably these are very old friends and you’d know if this was their usual form?

I hope you had fun, that’s the main point. Don’t lose that.

MrsElsa · 28/08/2023 19:42

Don't appreciate it? Were they all there on sufferance then? If you don't want to spend 3 days prep then 7h celebrating then don't

Why is it more important to get a text after than to simply enjoy the company of friends? Seriously. What is so good about the literal seconds spent getting a text that it's more important than the actual fun of the seven hour party?!!!!

Aranas · 28/08/2023 19:43

A text on top of attendance and verbal thanks seems like overkill. Cooking for 3 days was your choice.

BuffaloCauliflower · 28/08/2023 19:44

Another to say ‘did they say thank you when they left’? Or during the day? If so I don’t think an additional thank you the next day is required as well

AffIt · 28/08/2023 19:45

So these are people you invited who came over, brought gifts, you had a nice time with them (because I assume they're your friends and not randoms off the street) and presumably they said thank you as they were leaving?

What more do you want?

Get off the cross, OP, somebody needs that wood.

MontblancTheSecond · 28/08/2023 19:49

if you don’t want to spend 3(!) days in the kitchen, don’t. Just get some pizzas. Friends are coming over for you and your company, don’t make it so difficult for yourself.

KrisAkabusi · 28/08/2023 19:49

I assume they said thanks at the time. Because it wouldn't occur to me that a text message is also required.

CherryMaDeara · 28/08/2023 19:50

Stop doing so much for them, they are taking you for granted.

Match their effort on their birthday.

Circumferences · 28/08/2023 19:50

You seem resentful that your guests stayed for as long as <gasp> seven hours.

Did you hint to them it might be time to leave?

Or did you keep offering drinks/snacks in hope they'd do that unknown and unwritten rule that you're supposed to decline another drink and go home after the host has offered it to you?

SharongBarefootBullshit · 28/08/2023 19:50

🤣

Aliceinunderland · 28/08/2023 19:55

Did you message your friends to thank them for the flowers?
You invited them, they came and I presume they thanked you at the time. Why would they need to say it multiple times?

BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/08/2023 19:56

Did they ask you to cook for 3 days though? From a food hygiene point of view, what on earth did you even cook that was still safe to eat 4 days later? Could this be why you're ill?

I do wonder if some people expect an exchange like this:
"Thanks for the party"
"thanks for saying thanks for the party"
"thanks for saying thanks for saying thanks for the party"
"thanks for saying thanks for saying thanks for saying thanks for the party"
... and so on.

OMG where does it end???????

user76541055773 · 28/08/2023 19:59

You cooked for 3 days???!!!!

Did they not say thank you while they were there? And brought you gifts/flowers? Did you text to thank them for coming and for the gifts (in addition to saying thank you in person)?

Safxxx · 28/08/2023 20:00

Do your friends match your energy in entertainment? Seems like you tired yourself out and taking it out on them....if they do the same for you then fair play, but if their not then you need to take a step back ...do a pizza and cake next time.
Also next time specify a time from and to, so they all leave and not over stay their welcome.

Hooplahooping · 28/08/2023 20:03

If I know someone’s made an effort to host me a text seems a bit shit + low effort - I’d always pop a card in the post… maybe even a bunch of flowers for a birthday - maybe they haven’t got there yet!

Crunchymum · 28/08/2023 20:04

What took 3 days to cook?

Was this party today?

KrisAkabusi · 28/08/2023 20:05

Hooplahooping · 28/08/2023 20:03

They gave her flowers on the day. Are they really expected to send more afterwards as well?!

ItsNotRocketSalad · 28/08/2023 20:06

MatildaTheCat · 28/08/2023 19:42

I think it’s rude and you’d definitely get a thank you text and a card for that level of hosting. But presumably these are very old friends and you’d know if this was their usual form?

I hope you had fun, that’s the main point. Don’t lose that.

You'd send someone a thank you card for throwing themselves a birthday dinner?

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