To think my friend was not BU in this cafe situation?

[TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress]

My friend runs a small independent cafe that is dog friendly but the dogs have to be outdoors. Over the weekend, a family of six people came in with 2 dogs and were directed outside. The tables outside are picnic benches that seat 10, inside the tables seat six (they’re all the same size). The family went outside and took 2 picnic benches. Which annoyed my friend as that’s depriving potential customers of a bench but she let it go and said nothing.

She noticed one of the children, a boy aged about 8, having a tantrum outside because he doesn’t like eating outdoors and wants to eat indoors. Next thing she knew, his mum had brought him inside and sat him at the last available table (with an iPad blasting). She asked my friend if his order could come to that table as he doesn’t like eating outside so she said he could come in and eat alone.

My friend said she couldn’t allow this, because they don’t allow children to eat and drink unsupervised for health and safety reasons (they’d also ordered the child a hot drink). The outside area is down a large set of steps so they couldn’t have seen him from the garden. The mum said he has ADHD and doesn’t like to eat outside. My friend - who also has a DS with ADHD BTW - said sorry no we can’t take the risk of him eating alone. What she didn’t say but wanted to was ‘You’d also be taking up three tables when you should only be taking up one and I shouldn’t have to turn customers away because of this’.

Anyway she dug her heels in and the mum gave in and went back outside, the 8yo had a (small) tantrum outside and played his iPad full blast for the duration of their meal (he was asked by another waitress to turn it down which he did a fraction).

When the family paid the mum said she would be posting reviews online to say that the cafe owner is ableist and wouldn’t accommodate the needs of a disabled child. My friend said nothing, and nothing has appeared as of yet online, but she’s gutted about this accusation especially with her DS having ADHD. She said she’d never let her ADHD DS eat alone because actually the risk of him being hurt would increase greatly.

AIBU to think it’s not about ableism but about health and safety? I feel really bad for her!

She shouldn’t describe her cafe as dog friendly if it really isn’t. Dogs are allowed outside everywhere - that’s not dog friendly? Dog friendly would be letting them inside! So your friend is being unreasonable about that. I also don’t understand the bench thing either - surely a family would use two benches? As they’d be either side of the table, no? Or did she want them to all sit in a straight line?

The woman was obviously being unreasonable by letting her child sit indoors unsupervised but your friend seems to have caused the issue by calling a dog unfriendly cafe dog friendly!

Swimming pools have trained lifeguards!
insurance for kids being left ….
Pretty sure a cafe doesn’t come under the same rules!

I also wouldn’t leave an 8 year old in a pool unsupervised but depends on your parenting

@babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo The OP means "dog tolerant" when she says "dog friendly". And she means "table" when she says "bench".

I really hope she doesn't work in advertising 😬

The problem with all the pro dog comments isn’t that it matters that some people like dog free spaces and some people don’t. It is that the OP was about an interaction between a customer and a proprietor and in order to find the cafe owner at fault a lot of commenters manufactured a cause of outrage against the cafe owner.

They manufactured a deceptive offer (that dog friendly was in the cafe advertising) and they manufactured a crisis (that the family would never have gone there but for the assumption that the dogs could be indoors, and then they manufactured another cause of anguish by alluding to the hordes of other potential, deceived, disappointed and sad dog owners who might have needed this one cafe or their time with their digs would have been utterly spoiled.

In reality the cafe owner sets the terms and conditions of her business. If the market doesn’t like it people will take their custom elsewhere. But the market for dog free establishments is as big ss dog permitting establishments so I think her solution : outside but not inside makes pretty good sense.

At any rate the central question was: was cafe owner unreasonable in the conflict between mother/customer and cafe owner? Some say yes and some say no! But the pro dog contingent bases their attack on the cafe owner on the false premise that she lured the family there with false advertising and so is the villain of the story.

I hasten to add that there were many dog friendly posters who said they thought the cafe owner’s handling of the child situated was fine Even though they would have been unhappy to be excluded the garden.

She didn’t 🤣 HTH

No I stand by my terminology of dog friendly.

When did I say bench to mean table?!

Only if the establishment advertises it 😂

#SnakeTolerant 😂

So I presume the kid did manage to eat & drink outside? Sounds like lots of drama over nothing!
I think if the review is left your friend should just politely respond that children need to be supervised in the cafe. For their own safety ! That’s it.
its incredible that parents need telling to supervise their kids in all honesty! Him having a special need makes it even more imperative that he’s supervised.

As for the table thing….. sadly I think it’s something that cafe owners have to take on the chin. Same as if a party of 2 takes up a 6 table and then another party of 2 came in and took up another 6 table… she’s still loosing potentially 8 customers, but can’t insist the 2 couples share a table … it’s just one of those things. Inconsiderate of them but if they want to spread 6 people out over 2 tables then it much she can do. I think she’s got to get used to how rude and entitled society has become!

I hate ‘dog friendly’ places…. Welcome in the garden sounds better as it allows people to have a coffee inside without dog hair and smells … dogs barking etc!… shame you can’t banish kids to the garden too 😂😂 (joke)

@babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo ‘bench’ I presume means picnic bench style tables.. it’s really not rocket science!

You’re a bit late (18 pages late) in summarising what the original OP was about. I think we all got it. 🤗

As for the rest of your post you certainly have a vivid, yet exaggerated imagination re the pro dog contingencies being lured to the cafe 😱👻 and the owner being a victim. A bit dramatic. 😈

Its the bigger picture that we are now standing our ground on; does dog friendly mean inside or out. Each to their own perceptions but The Oxford Dictionary says it all. None of us really give a 💩 what this particular cafe offered.

does dog friendly mean inside or out. Each to their own perceptions but The Oxford Dictionary says it all

Evidently not

A dog is a pet

And in what way does that imply that a cafe where you can take your pet isn’t suitable for pets?

They just cant be indoors put you can still be a customer with a dog.

WTF? Did you read the OFD description?

A PLACE where you can STAY with your pet.

Oh OP! I feel for you, I really do! When the “I have in my hand a dictionary definition” people have found your thread you might as well give up. 20 years from now some elderly mumsnet troll will be wearythis thread on a placard and protesting outside some random cafe shrieking “I know my rights!”

You CAN stay with your pet in a cafe that allows them garden access

Actually it says suitable for pets OR a place you can stay with your pet.

As this place is suitable for pets (outdoors only but the definition doesn't say indoor suitable) then it would count under that definition

Well then you’re not in the cafe are you, you’re outside it!

Dear god... 🤦🏻‍♀️

There's no legal definition of the vague phrase "dog friendly". What is wrong with some people?

Did anyone see that episode of the Office where David Brent disagrees with the answer to the quiz and then goes all the way home to find a source to the correct answer. We laughed because we knew people like that exsisted.

The definition covers all establishments. If you’re in a dog friendly hotel do you sleep outside with your dog? Rubbish

Call me a troll (or David Brent 😂).
The need for the dictionary is for all the naysayers. Such a ridiculous point suggesting we should not use official documents in a debate. I’d hate to have any of you as my lawyer.

You are basically arguing that if you were to turn up at a pet/dog friendly hotel and they said the dog had to stay outside that that would be acceptable.

If the poor OP didn’t keep defending her initial belief then she wouldn’t have as awful trolls. There’s two sides to a debate.

Clearly another non dog owner. Of course there is how else would establishments advertise the fact.
Nothing wrong with me

As you would if your were told black was white, the sky is orange,…………