To think my friend was not BU in this cafe situation?

[TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress]

My friend runs a small independent cafe that is dog friendly but the dogs have to be outdoors. Over the weekend, a family of six people came in with 2 dogs and were directed outside. The tables outside are picnic benches that seat 10, inside the tables seat six (they’re all the same size). The family went outside and took 2 picnic benches. Which annoyed my friend as that’s depriving potential customers of a bench but she let it go and said nothing.

She noticed one of the children, a boy aged about 8, having a tantrum outside because he doesn’t like eating outdoors and wants to eat indoors. Next thing she knew, his mum had brought him inside and sat him at the last available table (with an iPad blasting). She asked my friend if his order could come to that table as he doesn’t like eating outside so she said he could come in and eat alone.

My friend said she couldn’t allow this, because they don’t allow children to eat and drink unsupervised for health and safety reasons (they’d also ordered the child a hot drink). The outside area is down a large set of steps so they couldn’t have seen him from the garden. The mum said he has ADHD and doesn’t like to eat outside. My friend - who also has a DS with ADHD BTW - said sorry no we can’t take the risk of him eating alone. What she didn’t say but wanted to was ‘You’d also be taking up three tables when you should only be taking up one and I shouldn’t have to turn customers away because of this’.

Anyway she dug her heels in and the mum gave in and went back outside, the 8yo had a (small) tantrum outside and played his iPad full blast for the duration of their meal (he was asked by another waitress to turn it down which he did a fraction).

When the family paid the mum said she would be posting reviews online to say that the cafe owner is ableist and wouldn’t accommodate the needs of a disabled child. My friend said nothing, and nothing has appeared as of yet online, but she’s gutted about this accusation especially with her DS having ADHD. She said she’d never let her ADHD DS eat alone because actually the risk of him being hurt would increase greatly.

AIBU to think it’s not about ableism but about health and safety? I feel really bad for her!

YANBU. In that scenario the mother should have sat inside with the child whilst they ate. The cafe shouldn’t be responsible for an unsupervised child. All that, is regardless of ADHD, it’s about appropriate supervision

How on earth is it ableist to not take responsibility for someone else's child?!

I wouldn’t describe a cafe as ‘dog friendly’ if dogs aren’t allowed inside. 🙄

Customers obviously batshit crazy though.

At the very least the child should have headphones to listen to the ipad. That's incredibly rude. The mother was also unreasonable about the rest of it, and showed a complete lack of awareness. Your friend was not unreasonable.

All that, is regardless of ADHD, it’s about appropriate supervision

I agree.

I suspect my own DS (6) has ADHD (waiting on hearing if he can be assessed) and I’d never let him have even a cold drink unsupervised, because he’s so bloody fidgety and clumsy that he spills everything constantly. We always say a drink could be on the roof of the house and he’d find a way to spill it! I wouldn’t let him within a mile of a hot drink!

Yanbu. Of course she should have to supervise her child. If the cafe rules regarding dogs didn't suit the needs of her child she should have eaten elsewhere or sat inside with him.

If a review is posted I suggest your friend politely responds.

Really? I know loads of places that say ‘dogs outside only’.

Really? I know loads of places that say ‘dogs outside only’.
So do I but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is a dog friendly place.
If it is pouring with rain you would have to sit outside with your dog, how friendly is that?

Dog friendly to me means dogs allowed inside

Well it’s friendly to people who don’t want smelly wet dogs tripping them up indoors.

If it’s raining dog owners can go elsewhere.

My friends cafe has a big garden and it’s smaller inside, so she put more tables rather than having the space for dogs

Well it’s friendly to people who don’t want smelly wet dogs tripping them up indoors.

That's not dog friendly.

Anyway she was not BU over the child. Child should be supervised, dog or no dog.

Well it’s friendly to people who don’t want smelly wet dogs tripping them up indoors.

If it’s raining dog owners can go elsewhere.

😂😂😂😂😂
So it’s defo not dog friendly then!

Your friend needs to grow a thicker skin tbh, customers will be dicks about anything. If she doesn’t want one party taking up 3 tables she needs to tell them that, rather than her friend posting on MN on her behalf

Does the terminology really matter? Assume it was quite clear before anyone ordered any food that dogs were only allowed outside, so if that was going to cause an issue the party should have gone somewhere else.

I don’t think your friend was unreasonable not to want an unsupervised child on one of the tables. It sounds to me like the group were probably looking to cause trouble because they couldn’t get exactly what they wanted i.e. dogs allowed inside.

Yes, so do I. They would be best described as dog tolerant but certainly not dog friendly.

No it doesn’t matter 🤣 and yes there is a ‘Dogs welcome in our garden’ sign outside

I don’t think dog friendly means dogs outside.

anyway clearly these people were unreasonable including in their use of an loud iPad, but what is your friend’s actual rule? Nobody under the age of 18 to be unaccompanied by an adult? At 8 you can swim unaccompanied in our local swimming pool so I would find it a bit odd to be told by a cafe my child couldn’t sit on a different table to me.

Well I’m not sure marketing something as ‘dog tolerant’ is very clever for a small business 😂 it doesn’t matter anyway, can’t believe how many people are arguing over semantics

That's insane 🤣 my son has ADHD and there's absolutely no way in hell he can be left unsupervised at any point when out it an unfamiliar situation.. especially if drinking a hot drink!!!!!! Your friend is definitely not unreasonable

You think it’s fine to leave a (in the mum’s words) disabled child to eat and drink a hot drink alone in a cafe out of sight of his parents?

No idea of the age limit (as in if it’s 13/16/18), but no children eating alone and unsupervised in the cafe. I think we can safely say 8 is considered a child.

I think your friend is being unreasonable - because of the tone of the whole story. She should just have explained that the boy was welcome to sit inside, with another adult supervising him, but could not sit on his own.

All the detail about the number of tables, dogs etc makes your friend sound very unwelcoming and inflexible - not at all suited to a job interacting with the public.

I guess people think it matters because if it was dog-friendly, the whole family could have just sat inside with the dogs and children and the whole situation wouldn't have occurred to begin with.

The mum said they couldn’t join him as they had to look after the dogs outside.

Ota not unwelcoming and inflexible IMO to not want the risk of a child eating alone and something happening.

Well no, they couldn’t because there was only one table left inside, the one where they tried to dump leave the 8 year old.