To think my friend was not BU in this cafe situation?

[TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress]

My friend runs a small independent cafe that is dog friendly but the dogs have to be outdoors. Over the weekend, a family of six people came in with 2 dogs and were directed outside. The tables outside are picnic benches that seat 10, inside the tables seat six (they’re all the same size). The family went outside and took 2 picnic benches. Which annoyed my friend as that’s depriving potential customers of a bench but she let it go and said nothing.

She noticed one of the children, a boy aged about 8, having a tantrum outside because he doesn’t like eating outdoors and wants to eat indoors. Next thing she knew, his mum had brought him inside and sat him at the last available table (with an iPad blasting). She asked my friend if his order could come to that table as he doesn’t like eating outside so she said he could come in and eat alone.

My friend said she couldn’t allow this, because they don’t allow children to eat and drink unsupervised for health and safety reasons (they’d also ordered the child a hot drink). The outside area is down a large set of steps so they couldn’t have seen him from the garden. The mum said he has ADHD and doesn’t like to eat outside. My friend - who also has a DS with ADHD BTW - said sorry no we can’t take the risk of him eating alone. What she didn’t say but wanted to was ‘You’d also be taking up three tables when you should only be taking up one and I shouldn’t have to turn customers away because of this’.

Anyway she dug her heels in and the mum gave in and went back outside, the 8yo had a (small) tantrum outside and played his iPad full blast for the duration of their meal (he was asked by another waitress to turn it down which he did a fraction).

When the family paid the mum said she would be posting reviews online to say that the cafe owner is ableist and wouldn’t accommodate the needs of a disabled child. My friend said nothing, and nothing has appeared as of yet online, but she’s gutted about this accusation especially with her DS having ADHD. She said she’d never let her ADHD DS eat alone because actually the risk of him being hurt would increase greatly.

AIBU to think it’s not about ableism but about health and safety? I feel really bad for her!

I completely agree it was inappropriate to think the child should sit inside alone, but from your description your friend thought these people were taking the piss no matter what they did.

Well I wasn’t there so don’t know her demeanour or tone (she’s lovely and there’s no way she’d be snooty) but the reason of H&S is a valid one so I don’t agree she should skirt around it with a grown adult.

I see that now. So it was you embellishing the story that led to the derail then. 😄

They might but that wouldn’t make them dog friendly. That’s just standard.

YANBU.

Dogs (unless they are medical assistance dogs) should not be within a mile of a restaurant or cafe. I don't want to be eating my food and find a dog skulking about. Children shouldn't have their iPads blaring and, obviously, shouldn't be left alone to eat and drink. The customer seems like a dick

Cross posted ffs, jeez.

You don’t know she was blunt and officious? I’m deceiving what she told me, in a way as to try not to have a massively long post on MN.

Then you'll be happy to go to the friend's cafe as it's definitely not dog friendly. 😄

As I’ve said various times - the sign outside says dogs welcome in our garden.

I think I might change my OP as I’m a bit sick of explaining this now

If a cafe is "dog friendly" is human unfriendly, it's unhygienic.

It’s her cafe, up to the owner whether she allows dogs in or outside.

Embellishing? 🤣 What did I embellish?

It might be valid but it also comes across like she has no sympathy. It's a bit "computer says no" without actually thinking about the human side of things.

It's not about "skirting around the issue" with a grown adult, it's about empathising with the customers' situation and apologising that you can't do more to help unless one them is willing to sit with him, for example.

Of course she shouldn't have just let the 8yo sit there alone, but I do think there are ways to say things that are both valid and sympathetic.

@MumToBeOf2 good job there are cafes and restaurants where dogs aren't allowed then.

I dispute that my dog sitting quietly under a table is causing a health hazard but I'm glad there are places where dogs aren't allowed mainly for people with fear of dogs or severe allergies.

Oh bugger I can’t edit the OP. Annoying. I was going to change it to dog tolerant with a note that I have been duly told off for the embellishment of dog friendly.

That’s a good idea as no fucker apparently deigns to RTFT or even just the OP’s posts before chipping in.

You've represented her like that in your OP.

If she said something different, you should have written that in your post

The customer is an entitled tool. Kudos to your friend.

@TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress your claim that the cafe is dog friendly. It isn't and your friend doesn't advertise it as that. It's very clear.

I hope you don't work there too, you're not very good at dealing with people.

Dog friendly or not is irrelevant, the sign said dogs welcome in the garden, which they were.
Taking up 3 tables for a party that size is a dickish move, especially in the current climate where small businesses are struggling. And it's perfectly acceptable to say children have to be supervised, ADHD or not. It wasn't even as if the child was seated at the next table, he was actually in a totally different space where he couldn't be watched by a parent.

If the review comes, your friend just needs to post a polite and factual reply. Most people understand that some customers can be the height of awkward.

Well I’m a very straightforward person and would hate someone patronisingly pandering to me with faux sympathy if they didn’t mean it. The fact is, he couldn’t sit there for very good reasons, and my friend was duty bound really to explain why. Which she did. The mum said ‘but he has ADHD and doesn’t like eating outside’ and my friend said sorry that doesn’t change the rules. What was she supposed to do/say? She also had a job to do and a busy cafe to run

Your friend is not being unreasonable, i am so over this entitled attitude the public have.
The cafe owner is running a business not a bloody charity child care and dog creche is she ?
When i go to restuarants and cafes i would love to sit at a table bigger than i need so i can spread things out but understand that if i take the two tables that seat 10 people , when there are only 8 of us i am depriving the business owner of custom

Your friend was NBU. At the end of the day, it is her cafe and she has the right to refuse to serve anyone, or to ask them to sit elsewhere or to keep the noise down. She also has to consider H&S issues. and she is allowed to not want 1 family to take up 3 tables!

Some people are so entitled now with their dogs and their children and don't like being told no. The family had the choice to go to another cafe where they could go inside with the dogs and child.

A thread on here recently showed how many people hate having to listen to kids screens when in a cafe or restaurant. It is totally selfish to blare out noise and some adults are just as bad with tiktoks etc.

If they leave a bad review, she can counter it with an honest factual reply . She needs to keep emotion out of it and just detail the facts from her point.

Is your friend OK with you posting all this secondhand info on a public forum?

It's going to make her look like an unprofessional gossip if the media get hold of it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣no I don’t

Im not sure what you’re so upset about - that I said dog friendly in my post not dog tolerant? Or that my friend advertises her cafe properly? You do seem very upset!