to not take grandson to nursery every day

[ncgran]

I work part-time and have a gorgeous grandson who is 7 months. I would be happy to look after him a couple times a week while DD is at work but can't really do more than that and she has asked if I would divide those hours to daily and take and pick up from nursery instead. She works from 6am-1pm and will be going back to work soon. The half days at nursery are from 7-12 and so she would like to drop him off to me for 5:30 and pick up at 1.30 and have me take and pick up from nursery. Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this? The days I can't do, DH could honestly drop him off (would probably be once a week) but then we are doing 5 mornings a week... I know it sounds mean and we obviously adore them both but that is a lot to be tied to but she is a single parent and we want to help where we can and I would love to come to a compromise but know very little about nursery hours etc so any suggestions would be fab

Some nurseries pay charge for the full day even if they go for half the day
That's a very early start for you and baby
I couldn't agree to an early start like that
The lunch time pick up wouldn't be too bad but not both

Waking a baby to be at yours for 5.30 am is so bad. Why don’t you go to their house, baby could sleep longer. Even so, that’s very early for you to get up.

This is too big an ask and not sustainable. I am a GParent and have my DGD one full day a week to help with nursery fees (I also work part time). Plus babysitting and having GD for short stays while parents have a break etc. Have done this since she was a baby (two years old now). I’m 61 and have found both a privilege and energising to be part of her life - but my oh my much more tiring than I ever thought. Take on something you will be able to enjoy and vomit to long term.

I would suggest you offer what you feel you can happily and realistically do e.g 1-2 days a week max. And your daughter needs to find childcare and/or a job to fit in with that. You can also offer to be on standby to have your GC (I am) when their unwell - as nursery/childminder will not accept them (I do) or to cover emergency pick ups/drop offs. This in itself is a godsend to parents and your daughter needs to factor this in as her annual leave is unlikely to cover the number of absences children seem to have from nursery.

I would never expect my parents to do this! That’s an awful lot to ask. My parents have my 20 month old once a week for the day while I’m working and my son goes to nursery twice per week full days. I would refuse.

When I needed my mum to take the kids to nursery and school as I needed to leave the house at 7am to go to work they would sleep over the night before as they got up later. My mum found it hard me dropping them at 7 as she would have to be up and dressed for them. Kids were also shattered as they were dragged out of bed at 6:30, school uniform in a bag and dropped off. When they slept over she could get them up at 7:30. This was only ever 2 days a week as well. The last few years she found it too much so I had to stick with wraparound at the school but drop off was 7:30. This meant I had the traffic and a 25 minute journey could become over an hour. I’d still make it in time for my work day starting.

I’d suggest they stay over at yours on an evening so the baby doesn’t have to be woken up as early. Then you can also get ip later to drop at nursery. Can even drop a bit later depending what time you need to get out. When she finishes work she can take the baby home for a few hours before doming back to yours at bedtime. So not quite moving in.

She definitely needs a new job. I went from temp work which didn’t work with nursery (was paying for days I didn’t have work just to keep a space) to a part time job 2 days a week. My 2 days are the equivalent to minimum wage full time though so I’m lucky on that respect and my tax credits for 2 children topped me up to the equivalent of working 4 days a week on my job. Im aware not everyone is that lucky though and earning potential not always great. But maybe work her looking for something else for the next few years.

Nursery fees are not by the hour unfortunately they either do half day or full days. I think if you can help her out it would be really helpful, she said she is going to look for a new job with better hours so hopefully it won't be for ever.
If she moves back you would end up doing a lot more and have the disturbed nights too. She also probably has to go back to work otherwise she might have to pay back some of her maternity pay.

My grandchildren are my world, but there is no way I would cope with a 5.30am drop off every day of a 7 month old. No way, no how!
I’m always happy to help when and where I can, and I do quite a lot for them all, but I’d draw the line at that.
Way too early for me, baby and would end up causing stress and arguments.
Too tying, what happens if you want to do something for a couple of days? Go on holiday? Will you have to arrange how and when with your daughter?

Sorry to sound harsh but it needs to be a firm no and she needs to sort out alternative arrangements. Her child, her responsibility.

I would get your daughter to check out her employment rights on pregnantthenscrewed.com as her boss telling her 'don't get pregnant' is against equality law, even if said in jest.

It sounds like you are really wanting to support your DD and she is really trying her hardest to make a life for her and her son. Discrimination towards mothers and especially single ones-is certainly still rife, no matter what is on paper. My DH actually has been subject to it (not even a single parent but unfortunately just a prat of a manager).

I don’t think she sounds like she’s being unreasonable she is just trying to find a way through. It’s understandable also that she wants to find a way to avoid paying a full day of childcare-if you say she brings home 2k then half of that would go on 4-5 days a week in nursery. It’s ridiculously expensive.

I don’t think there is really a solution to the very early morning but I think a childminder would be a good option to investigate more flexible hours, they would more likely charge by the hour. At least you could do the morning and then she could pick up from childminder after work and you are then only committing the morning.

You obviously love your DD and DGS and are proud of her for trying to get on and work but ultimately only you know what you are prepared to commit to

It’s hard for you all. there is no easy way. Does she work full time ? 5 days a week? Would it be easier for you all , if baby spent the night at yours and then you took him to nursery and she collected him later ? That way you , husband and baby wouldn’t be awake at 5 am? Or could you stay at hers?
Hoe things get easier for you all .

Don’t feel bad OP I think you’re an amazing person for even considering it.

That really is too much of an ask. She nerds to pay at least an additional 2hrs a couple of days so she is he one racing to pick child up from nursery.
Hope she is job hunting as winter coming up will be horrible to have to take a baby out at that time of the morning.

Sorry but no! I wouldn't do this to my own mother, expect her to be picking and taking my own children up! 5:30 is so early too!
Everyone is titled to 38 hours of free childcare so I'd find a new job if I was her that can work around them hours.

Good grief that's an ask. 5:30am drop off??!?!!

You'll be exhausted and unable to live a normal life with that burden. You'll be doing more than she is, and its not even your kid.

You did your time of the early mornings with your own kids, surely?

Hi Op I would get your Dd to submit formal request for a change in hours or perhaps she could work those hours but only do 3 days a week or something instead of full time. As perhaps getting up at 5am wouldn't be so bad if only 3 days a week?

Or I'd look into au-pairs or nannies?

Honestly though I think the poor baby may struggle getting up so early for 5 days a week and her current plan won't really be very good for anyone.

There are some 24-hour nurseries dotted around the country. Have a look and see if there is one nearby, you might be lucky.

It's a lot to ask but I don't think your daughter is a CF, because who's a girl gonne ask something as big as this if not her own mother?

So what I would try is maybe your daughter could talk to her employer about different working hours that fit in a half-day nursery scheme?

Only other possibility I see is that you do as she asks bút !!! at the same time you, your DH and your daughter check every nook and cranny for another solution. Maybe she has a friend in a similar situation and they could take turns doing drop-of/pick up?

HA! What a pile of bollocks.

OP you and your daughter both sound lovely. Really doubt many/any of these rude posters are single parents working early shifts in a laboratory with NO support from a partner. Ignore. It seems like she is coming up with a better solution. I would help temporarily with the drop off/pick ups and so would my mum.

Not a 'pile of bollocks'!! 🤣🤔 your kids your problem with childcare at the end of the day! If the grandparents help out then that's their own choice. They done their but by raising their kids so I doubt they would want the responsibility again and just enjoy retirement!

That sounds a really hard situation for your DD @ncgran . I would recommend she speaks to an organisation called pregnant then screwed for advice. I know there have been afew cases recently regarding constructive dismissal where the mother has been forced out of a job due to flexible working request being denied without valid reason. Does she have a HR team in her company?

Hi, what a dilemma for both of you.
Three suggestions:1)hospital nurseries take children from six a.m. to accommodate hospital work patterns and many of them take children whose parents don’t work at the hospital .
2) has she considered working in a day nursery? Many of them need staff and her baby could have a subsidised place( I don’t know what her skills are, of course), 3) you could stay at her house each evening then you and the baby could get up when you were ready ,hopefully not at five a.m.

My dear mum is no longer with us and I know she would have loved to help with our little one if she could have been here. However my point is that i would never in a million years dream of impacting her in that way and expect her to get up and be ready to care for DS at 5.30am five days a week. I think she is asking too much of you and I feel you will eventually begrudge it later on. I think you have to say no. Offer certain days maybe that you can manage and feel happy to support with. She can have longer days but it will cost her and is subject to availability at the nursery. She would be better asking work to change her hours to accommodate if they can.

It’s not her child though is it. Those days have passed for her, she’s done her mother duties already

thank you all very much for the comments, dd is going to see where she can get with work and keep applying for things and keep looking.

i have offered her the opportunity to stay here on work nights so me and dgs dont have to get up early and it means she doesnt have to go into a panic of dropping her very much hard earned career role for something on minimum wage in a call centre (she has been offered an interview for a role like this already) and i can assure you she is very keen to go for it and i am the one putting forward my help here. if i do this, i will drop dgs at nursery at a suitable time but she will pick up. there is a nursery joined to the local adult learning centre (it is only a short walk from my house so rather perfect) that offer to both their learners and the community and do hourly rates of £6 for under 2s. she has said they are open from 9am-3pm which seems quite great because i can drop him at 9am which is a good time and she can arrange the pick up. they have said they will be able to confirm availability next week after the new academic year starts? so that definitely isnt 100% but they seemed quite positive

just fingers crossed her work can accommodate her or at least a job that is somewhat suitable does come up but i am just praying for her work to be helpful

my mum died when i was 10 and i always dreamed of her being around when dd was little, it had been so long since i had lost her that it wasnt super upsetting for me, just more feeling sad i didnt have a mum around when i had her. i try to remind myself i am lucky to be here and have dgs to see and help with. i couldnt do it forever, thats true, especially with working (i am actually lucky i am part time! i do everything in the house for dh though hence i am) but dd has never been a wanty child, never tried to take advantage or think it was up to me to sort all her problems out, she has only ever come to me in times of desperation and i had sometimes always wished to would come and speak to me before she was at breaking point, i will do what i can to help and i appreciate everyone making me feel perfectly justified to not and its good to know i wouldnt be mean for not being able to do this long term etc but i really dont want her to feel alone with this