to not take grandson to nursery every day

[ncgran]

I work part-time and have a gorgeous grandson who is 7 months. I would be happy to look after him a couple times a week while DD is at work but can't really do more than that and she has asked if I would divide those hours to daily and take and pick up from nursery instead. She works from 6am-1pm and will be going back to work soon. The half days at nursery are from 7-12 and so she would like to drop him off to me for 5:30 and pick up at 1.30 and have me take and pick up from nursery. Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this? The days I can't do, DH could honestly drop him off (would probably be once a week) but then we are doing 5 mornings a week... I know it sounds mean and we obviously adore them both but that is a lot to be tied to but she is a single parent and we want to help where we can and I would love to come to a compromise but know very little about nursery hours etc so any suggestions would be fab

So I didn’t use emotional black mail ideas as said by other poster/s.
I said that if the gran helps until a set in stone boundary (I suggest Christmas) then the daughter has time to sort out the hours and keep working in the same place. A lot of good advice was mentioned by others on legal aspects. If the gran doesn’t help then the daughter doesn’t return to work, goes on benefits and looks for another job. The daughter has a degree in biochemistry so this means top jobs perhaps far away. It sounds like it’s small business for the lab - I might be wrong of course. If the daughter gets a job far away - out of a days return travel - then the grandparents won’t see her or their dgs as often. It’s just a scenario. It’s something to consider.
Of course the daughter could apply for far away jobs at any moment. It could happen in the future. Of course the dad should help and his parents should help with their dgs. The grandmother (daughters mother) is the one the help falls on. I know that it’s not right in the way of society that women have to pick up the unpaid, hard work of childcare. In this case though it could help the daughter to stay local and be with her family. I’m imagining that she would be so grateful and remember this in the future. I had no help and had to find solutions and compromise my paid working life. Just to explain. It’s a difficult situation. The OP must say no to helping if this is what she feels and knows is best.

Thats very early! I wouldn't like to commit to that all week, when working weekend's. When are you going to be able to go somewhere? Without rushing back for the school run? Around here we have childminders that do drop off and collection, think the local one charges £10/15 per pick up/drop off. But she opens at 8am.

What do you expect your DD to do? It sounds like she's tried everything.

I would suggest helping her through this WHILE she looks for a better job.

@ButterCrackers but surely the best time to negotiate a change to working hours is before the DD goes back to work? If not I'm not sure what is likely to change between now and Christmas.

The DD is not back at work yet so compromises could still be found. One of those may be that the DD reduces to 3 days per week to make the situation more manageable for the OP. Of course it will reduce her salary, but would keep her in paid employment.

That would be exhausting and far too much, I don't think it's unreasonable to say that you can't do it

The DD has hardly tried everything, she hasn't even submitted an official working hours applications yet, or presumably asked the nursery if pick up could be an hour later without paying full afternoon fee, or investigated any other childcare arrangements such as a nanny.

I do get that the DD must be feeling overwhelmed and upset about all this right now, but she is a grown woman of almost 30. She must realise what she is asking of OP is unreasonable and - even if it did work for a short while - is at best a very temporary solution that is likely to undermine cordial relationships with all involved, and that's even before taking into account nursery long Christmas holidays and who looks after the baby if not well.

I feel for you but I suspect that the situation will sort itself out anyway as 5am starts are very hard for everyone, especially in the winter or when the babys unwell. As the baby gets older maybe she could sleep at your house occasionally. Your daughter is doing her best and really needs your support. Insist that you won't do it indefinitely and she needs to find another job. You sound lovely by the way!

I changed careers 10 years ago, but prior to that, I worked in HR. Actually, I worked in HR for a company that has chemical labs among other things. If DD's company is a similar set up, the HR dept might be more sympathetic (we did sometimes have to correct managers on HR issues). ACAS may help.

WRT childminders being free in the middle of the day, she may fall lucky and find one who has school age children before and after school and a space in the middle of the day.

Absolutely!

not a fucking chance!

how old are you @ncgran ?

im in my 50s and absolutely no way I could do this and I don’t need much sleep!

your daughter needs to get a different job, one that works for her family AND pays enough

this is really not something you should do

DH has done a runner
So your in the camp of GP owes you and has no right to sleep or down time and should work all weekend and then do childcare in the week. Nice.

Not because of the age you had her, I had my first at 20. At 55 baring serious health conditions getting up at 5ish is fine but not so much if you are pushing 70. Again elderly people often need a rest in the afternoon which would explain not wanting to pick up at 1.

Do you work Saturday and Sunday then happily get up at 5.20 everyday (presumably you don't shower in the morning) ?

I think that the dad should be made to be responsible if only financially. Nice that you disagree with that.

To help my child I’d do that. To me that’s what family is for but I get that you disagree.

Snarky.

It isn’t unreasonable to not want to get up at 5ish in the morning five days a week.

How so?
I get that you wouldn’t make the effort but I would. Short term to help.

Presumably you had a house with all the baby gear....not so bad for a small baby but a moving one needs a safe place while you leave them for your 15/20 minute shower etc. Your also assuming op is healthy enough to run up and down with a baby most older people are starting to physically slow down whether it's tiredness, physical ailments or general energy levels.

What happens when a child has to go to school and joins the ones falling asleep in lessons? Children need a certain amount of sleep to grow, develop and learn if you don't have childcare sorted you shouldn't do the job your child has to come first.

People do realise that most women in their 50s are menopausal and therefore already default sleep deprived, don't they ?

This blanket assumption about how much sleep OP needs or doesn't need, based on personal experience.

It's not about making the effort or not, I know my own limitations and at age 53 I simply couldn't be getting up at 5.30 ( or possibly earlier) 5 days a week and then working at the weekend.

If I was in OPs situation I could force myself to do it 2 days a week, possibly 3 at an absolute push.

oh I do feel a little sad at the comments about my dd. I know I am biased but she is a great woman and mum and I do wonder if the people saying all what she should have done have been in her exact position 😓

I did bring up a lot of stuff mentioned here and she has said she is already in the process of sorting things and it was irresponsible to think it would end up all being ok and sort itself out so I think she has been kicked into mode to make some actual sensible plans now, she said she has now applied for any job that is within nursery hours, in our area but didn't want to say much in case nothing comes of them but will also do the written flexible request for her work and explain she will have to leave and then she said if she can get one of those other jobs, even if it isnt great she can be looking for something better pay/in her field but with little stress as she will have a job that does fit nursery hours. she said her ideal would definitely be to have him in nursery and only need me to help out on days he is unwell or in emergencies as she also doesnt like the idea of being so reliant anyway (she has always been very independent) so fingers crossed all can move forward and go well

@ButterCrackers

fine for you. But most people don’t wanna be up at 5.30am every weekday especially when they work weekends too. And then putting on the kettle at 6.20am. Sounds grim. The daughter needs to find a better solution

I'm glad @ncgran that your DD is exploring other options.

It must be a horrible sensation for her if she is used to being independent and earning a good salary, but it's better she gets this sorted out now rather than everyone hoping that the original proposal is going to work.

The OP is 55 years. I read that further down.
Obviously disability and age related health issues need to be considered but 55 years can still be in good mobility if health is good. Disability is something I’m mindful of. I assume that the OP is not physically or mentally disabled visibly or invisibly.
I had a travel cot to put my baby in when I got washed or went to the loo. I appreciate that I had the space to do this as I could see my child all the time. I assume that the gran has safety organised for her dgs. If not then safety would be better at a childminder. In my area you can find early start minders. The childminder one of my kids went to did this as well as emergency over nights and weekends. All in accordance with regulations. I appreciate that this is difficult in other places.

I do feel for her but as some pointed out it feels like she does not take consideration baby needs. A child that age would require around 12 hours of a night sleep (I appreciate that change and babies are different) but then she would need to put baby to sleep at 5pm.
Re childminder - I don't think it would work as the baby nap time would be really out of sync with other children (unlikely to find one anyway).

@ButterCrackers

also not eveyone wants to get up out of bed and be out the door in ten mins. Many people like to have a shower in the morning, put some makeup on etc