To want to shout from the rooftops PLEASE don't get pregnant..

[CurlewKate]

....until you are absolutely sure that's what you want and you have thought about it and planned for it. By yourself is fine but difficult. If you're doing it with someone else, make sure he is on the same page and willing and ready and free and delighted to be a father. Contraception is incredibly reliable these days-USE it! Accidents happen occasionally, but that's what the MAP is for. If your life is very complicated or your relationship is new or fragile or volatile a baby will NOT help-I promise. It will make things worse, not better.
And breathe.....

Totally agree.

I can't believe how reckless people are sometimes - men and women

Of course I don't get to choose other people's decisions. But having an opinion on them is a different matter.

Should we all just shrug our shoulders and refuse to criticise all and any stupid choices? Society's disapproval of certain things is an extremely powerful way of helping us all make better decisions. Right now, we seem to be leaning more towards 'do whatever you like, no one should judge you'. I don't think that's helping people in the long run.

I'm getting married next weekend for the 1st time. I am 45 and my ovaries are going downhill. I would never had dd if i'd waited for the " right man."
My parents were middle class but awful parents really which damaged me irrecovably. Hence poor life choices.
It's not just those " Kardashian lookalikes with tracksuit clad boyfriend" who don't have ideal situations. Classist thread.
So in theory op yanbu. In practice yabu.

My mum who was a married professional should probably should never had kids tbh.

Can't complain if the warnings were there.

Exactly. And the warnings are often (usually, tbf) there. I think lots of people (women AND men) think they'll be the exception, they'll be the one to break the cycle and change their partners ways.
I had two short/medium term relationships before I met my husband, neither were long term/Father material, ergo I chose not to have children with either of them.

You do know a high proportion of Dv starts in pregnancy . Women don’t expect it to be them.

It also takes two to make a baby .. women shaming yet again 😞

Christ, keep your patronising speech to yourself.
Nobody interested in your judgmental opinion.

Should we all just shrug our shoulders and refuse to criticise all and any stupid choices?

How do you feel about IVF?

Child benefit?

Is it woman shaming or a plea to women to value themselves more and make active choices about their lives

@LaffTaff I think where DV is involved actually it takes a long time for women to first identify their in that situation and secondly find the strength and practically ability to leave. I find the tone of some of these replies quite ignorant

Is it realistic to tell traumatised, abused women suffering DV to just "value themselves more"?...

Whilst in theory I broadly agree with your statement that it's best to be prepared for kids before you have them, that means very different things to different people. If there were a perfect time, age, set of circumstances, child-rearing theory etc then we'd all be doing it exactly the same, surely?

People have been having children in circumstances that other people considered less than perfect since the dawn of time. This isn't a solely modern problem, IMO.

PPs have made very good points about teenage girls, and indeed, some older women, seeing motherhood as a quick identity/attention fix. But you can't for force everyone to have babies for the exact same motivations - that isn't how humans work.

They're*

Oh stop with the shaming shit, every single time its pointed out that a or b is not a great choice its not shaming

I dont necessarily agree with all or the crux of the OP but its not shaming to say to someone, thats not good for you or a good idea. And that counts for all sorts of areas

I think someone on another thread about something else said it better than me, it seems that expecting someone to take responsibility for their actions and choices is now victim blaming.

Telling a 'victim' of DV they should have known better then to have children is victim shaming though

This! Emphasis on the 'immature'

@CurlewKate Apart from the fact you're wrong, shout whatever you want.

I fell pregnant accidentally 3 months in to our relationship, we're now 15 years and 5 children down the line. If I'd taken your advice, I'd be without my wonderful husband and children. It was never even suggested that we end the pregnancy, and he stood by me from day one.

I think that we are a species, we live, we procreate, we die, that's what we do.
In whatever circumstances, however hard the times we live in or the place we are living, humans don't completely forgo procreating just because they haven't got what someone else thinks is the perfect life.
I think that it's useful to realise that while on an individual level you might make certain choices, but as a whole species, we can't and won't.
It's similar to the study and get better/ more interesting jobs rhetoric. All very well to say, but we can't function unless a proportion of the population do unpleasant jobs, that's reality.

I agree with this.

When I was younger women were under so much pressure to find a partner, have children that you were brainwashed into thinking this was a normal desire for everyone. You never thought about what you really wanted from life. For me it was a desire to be normal, to fit in and a fear of being left on the shelf (an old fashioned term even when I was young) but the feminist movement really helped and I started to think for myself and made my own choices.

If everyone followed those rules hardly anyone would have children.

Shit happens yes. However OP's advise is valid for the majority. People's shouldn't bring other people into the world Willy nilly. They should be able to provide for the new person until the new person is independent and can manage alone. This may mean they are forever responsible and have to pay for the new person .......

Seeing as women can only get pregnant a few days a month, but men can impregnate women every day for most of their lives, maybe men should stop ejaculating irresponsibly.

Wise words @piercedears

I am not sure 1)why that is good news as the women might not have wanted those abortions and 2)why you sound happy about it?

Contraception is incredibly reliable nowadays? Sure, for those with access. And for those that can use it.

I can’t take the combined pill due to a hereditary condition (and suspected endometriosis).

I cannot take the progestogen-only pill or other kinds of progestogen-only medication because I was non-functional when I took it. Depression, brain fog, irritability.

that makes hormonal contraceptives an impossibility.

my obgyn was against the copper coil for medical and pain related reasons (in my case, not generally).

that leaves me with condoms and fertility tracking. Which is definitely NOT incredibly reliable or particularly modern.

yanbu to remind people about the issues associated with unplanned pregnancy and reluctant fathers.

but your comment about modern contraception does rub me the wrong way.