To want to shout from the rooftops PLEASE don't get pregnant..

[CurlewKate]

....until you are absolutely sure that's what you want and you have thought about it and planned for it. By yourself is fine but difficult. If you're doing it with someone else, make sure he is on the same page and willing and ready and free and delighted to be a father. Contraception is incredibly reliable these days-USE it! Accidents happen occasionally, but that's what the MAP is for. If your life is very complicated or your relationship is new or fragile or volatile a baby will NOT help-I promise. It will make things worse, not better.
And breathe.....

Yep to all of this

It wasn’t from your post through, if you read my post it was quoting another poster.

Your view comes from a point of complete generalisation. Yes there are children born into less than ideal situations, but your ‘shouting from the rooftops’ on a primarily middle class, first world country based forum will make little difference to that.

I agree. There are I believe, some 200,000 children in care.

I had fertility issues if I'd waited I'd be too old and they'd have been worse. No regrets.

Another one for mind your own business.

One thing that really irritates me is people who've lived a life free from abuse or adverse experiences, with a wonderful life, making announcements like this.

No child should be born to abuse, obviously, but you shouldn't dictate who is worthy or not.

OP, please share specifically who should be allowed to conscience, or when.

The best decision I ever made in my life by a mile was to not have children.

but I applaud those who do, especially though who have to overcome difficult circumstances. No one knows how their life is going to pan out. You just do the best you can.

It's true that parents who's children are removed shouldn't keep having children.

Maybe those with perfect stability could consider fostering or adoption?

I agree. This was part of a discussion I was having with my decorator. We've both grown up in the deprived area my DD's house is in. It's frustrating to see the under 25 year old girls having babies to the same shit lads. The same girls think that they have to look like Kardashian sex dolls, while the lads turn up barely with their hair combed and a trackie on for a night out. What's good is that the child is brought up by extended family, usually women again. None are having babies because they are actually broody and it still seems to come as a shock that as the Mother, they are the ones left in the shit.

My youngest was a product of failed contraception, neither me nor DC dad would change him for the world. Go mind your own damn business.

@CurlewKate I am afraid this type of thinking is why we see an increasing number of women trying for babies at a more advanced age and struggling with infertility.

One can never be fully prepared for a baby (whatever that means).

In my opinion a more useful advice to women would be don’t have a baby if you are selfish and not prepared to give up the old you, be reborn as a mother and dedicate yourself 100% to the well-being of your children.

After reading a thread yesterday with a woman with four children from three different men, all shitty wastes of space, I agree op. Some women just don't think it through.

While you’re up there shouting OP perhaps you could publicise that the MAP won’t work if you’ve already ovulated.

I agree. The relationships board on here makes me feel so sad for the women tied to awful men for 18+ years and for the children born into shitty situations.

Blimey there are a lot of touchy posters on here.
I read this as having a baby is the most important decision in your life, so think about it before you go ahead and bring a child into the world.
Lots of women seem to put more thought into buying a new top than whether or not this is the right time/person to have a child with.

Yeah OP great idea

And then you end up like me, knocking on 37 this year, childless with 3 failed pregnancies in 18 months 🙄

While my cousins screwed around young and all have DC and happy lives

Contraception is not 100%

It'd be nice if it were this simple. Unfortunately, we don't have crystal balls to foresee a man doing a complete 180 after having a child.

This is not what OP (and others) is talking about though.
You cannot predict complete change, but op is talking about having children with men who are already shit. No need for crystal ball there

It is not always possible to tell whether a man will be a good father until a baby arrives but it's often really easy to predict that he'll be a shitty one. I swear I give more consideration to which socks I put on in the morning than some women put into choosing a father for their children.

Depressing that the answer seems to be focusing on girls to think things through, and not also telling blokes to raise their game.

And I think there are generally far more red flags present when men go on to be shits than people would like to admit. Very easy to ignore things when they force you into uncomfortable scenarios.

I agree OP. Reading the local court news I despair at some of the low life these women decide to have children with. Drug dealing, GBH, violence herion addiction, fathering children with multiple women.
Some people reap what they sow and unfortunately the children with then repeat the cycle of their parent(s)

You can shout all you like but sex happens and as a result babies happen. Not everyone has the picture perfect life you describe and life just doesn't work that way.

I met my husband when I was doing my teacher training degree in the 80s. We got engaged. He asked, he seemed happy and excited. We got married after I had been teaching for a year. We got married in my local church and had to go for marital instruction from the vicar( not religious,lived together before we married). He appeared to want children in our future as much as I did. We had 2 boys when we were 27 and 28. We had a house in a nice area ,supportive families ( his mum and step dad lived in the same road). We had saved for it,talked about it, planned it and he earned enough that I could be a SAHM until the youngest started at the school nursery.We were together for 10 years in total. Turns out that you never really know someone until you divorce them. He left me for a 17 year old colleague at work (he was then 32). His comment as he left was " I want to do what I want, when I want and I can't do that with children, so I'm sorry but I have to leave. " And off he went. He appeared to be everything he wasnt. I did my best in my marriage. I married a man who said all the things for years and years. It failed and I brought them up alone. We all do our best Op.

Agree 1000% OP. Dropping a kid is expected but if you are in for a world of misery if you rush into it with the first bloke you’ve clapped eyes on cause your body clock is ticking… you’ll be on here whinging about maintenance before long as it was a huge mistake.

Those idiots complaining about the human race continuing. We are already disgustingly overpopulated I think we could do with a few less.