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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to DSDs mum

946 replies

RoarRoarBoom · 27/08/2023 20:03

I am taking my kids to Disneyland Paris next year with my mum. My mum is paying for half the trip and I’m paying the other half.

My partner is not coming and isn’t paying towards it. It’s just a trip with my mum and kids. He is all the kids father.

We dropped DSD back home today and she’s told her mum that I’m taking my kids to Disneyland and she’s sent my partner a Whats app asking if I would consider taking DSD on the trip too.

If I say no then she is going to kick off but I don’t want to take her. This is a trip with my mum and her grandkids.

AIBU to say not consider this at all

OP posts:
YoSof · 28/08/2023 21:35

RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:29

If my DH was to take the kids to Disneyland on his own (or with his mum) he would take all his kids, not one.

He will spend 1:1 time with dsd here while I’m gone going to the cinema or out for food.

Show quote history

Yeah that just makes you sound like a dick.

Partyatno10 · 28/08/2023 21:36

Fyi I don't think this is necessarily for you to fix op. I think the father of the child needs to recognise his DD is upset and fix it. Why he ever agreed to not come and have 1 of his children left.out baffles me

Original poster
RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:37

Partyatno10 · 28/08/2023 21:34

All the kids (including mine) need to understand they can’t go on all trips and be happy for each other when one of them does get to do something nice.
But you're also saying he's not allowed to take just her in your latest post, I wonder why not? Maybe because your children would feel left out just like sdd does

Show quote history

*All the kids (including mine) need to understand they can’t go on all trips and be happy for each other when one of them does get to do something nice *

With their mums …. As they have different mums so will get to do different things with their mums.

They all have the same dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:39

Partyatno10 · 28/08/2023 21:36

Fyi I don't think this is necessarily for you to fix op. I think the father of the child needs to recognise his DD is upset and fix it. Why he ever agreed to not come and have 1 of his children left.out baffles me

It baffles you that I’m going away with my mum?

OP posts:
Tandora · 28/08/2023 21:41

Disneyland versus cinema and food 🤣🤣🤣.
the very least you can do is not insult the child.

Partyatno10 · 28/08/2023 21:42

No it baffles me that a father can let one of his children be left out of a holiday he very easily could of come on himself to enable all his children to attend. But he chose.not to and have 1 of his children left out of Disney land.

BadNomad · 28/08/2023 21:42

Maybe you need to take your MIL away with you too so she doesn't feel left out. After all, you married her son, therefore she is your mother too. 🙄

timberho · 28/08/2023 21:42

"They all have the same dad."
Yes, but some of them live with him full time as a family. Some - your SD- see him infrequently.
The children do have very different parental experiences and it's disingenuous to suggest otherwise.
There isn't much equal about your kids and your SD's experiences.

Amybelle88 · 28/08/2023 21:43

Haven't read the full thread of replies but can almost guarantee you'll have so many telling you you're the reason people hate stepmothers, are the spawn of satan and utterly evil.

In reality, you're completely entitled to go away with your mum and your kids, end of.

Floofydawg · 28/08/2023 21:44

This thread is totally batshit. I have one child of my own and two stepkids. In the last 5 years I have been on holiday with the following combination of people:

Just me & DH (many times)
Me, DH, DD & DSS2
Me, DH, DD & DSS1
Me & DD
Me & my mum, no kids
Me & several friends, no kids

None of the kids are traumatised by any of the above

Original poster
RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:45

Partyatno10 · 28/08/2023 21:42

No it baffles me that a father can let one of his children be left out of a holiday he very easily could of come on himself to enable all his children to attend. But he chose.not to and have 1 of his children left out of Disney land.

He wasn’t invited on this trip…

Its a trip with my mum.

OP posts:
Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 28/08/2023 21:46

Op, all the kids including yours will have to understand unless she takes them then they all go.

Will you give your head a wobble.

Tandora · 28/08/2023 21:46

timberho · 28/08/2023 21:42

"They all have the same dad."
Yes, but some of them live with him full time as a family. Some - your SD- see him infrequently.
The children do have very different parental experiences and it's disingenuous to suggest otherwise.
There isn't much equal about your kids and your SD's experiences.

Exactly.

Original poster
RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:46

BadNomad · 28/08/2023 21:42

Maybe you need to take your MIL away with you too so she doesn't feel left out. After all, you married her son, therefore she is your mother too. 🙄

Ha ha… Id cancel the trip 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Honeychickpea · 28/08/2023 21:46

BadNomad · 28/08/2023 21:42

Maybe you need to take your MIL away with you too so she doesn't feel left out. After all, you married her son, therefore she is your mother too. 🙄

OP should take her step daughter's mother as well, so she doesn't feel left out. And pay for her as well.

Partyatno10 · 28/08/2023 21:48

I don't think the op has done the wrong thing and I've said it before in my previous posts. What I think is wrong is the fact that she's
1 - not asking her children to not mention the holiday Infront of her sdd on the 2 days out of 14 they see her
2 - accepting that her sdd is upset and shrugging her shoulders
3 - not exploring the option of the father coming along also and bringing sdd

YoSof · 28/08/2023 21:49

RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:45

He wasn’t invited on this trip…

Its a trip with my mum.

Show quote history

But that’s not what you said originally.

You said your dad wasn’t going because it wasn’t his thing, but if he was going then your DH would have gone too?

Original poster
RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:49

timberho · 28/08/2023 21:42

"They all have the same dad."
Yes, but some of them live with him full time as a family. Some - your SD- see him infrequently.
The children do have very different parental experiences and it's disingenuous to suggest otherwise.
There isn't much equal about your kids and your SD's experiences.

It’s not my kids fault that they split up and dsd doesn’t live full time with her dad and mum.
They don’t get to miss out because of something that happened before they were even born.

OP posts:
HamBone · 28/08/2023 21:49

If DP and DSD did come on the trip, who’d pay for them?

The OP and her Mum are splitting the cost half and half- should they cough up a few thousand extra?

Tandora · 28/08/2023 21:49

BadNomad · 28/08/2023 21:42

Maybe you need to take your MIL away with you too so she doesn't feel left out. After all, you married her son, therefore she is your mother too. 🙄

I’m quite sure that OP’s MIL would be quite fine, and not at all hurt, to pass on a trip to Disney with her DIL. Furthermore, as an adult, she is free to take herself (and others) to Disney any time she likes.

Partyatno10 · 28/08/2023 21:52

HamBone · 28/08/2023 21:49

If DP and DSD did come on the trip, who’d pay for them?

The OP and her Mum are splitting the cost half and half- should they cough up a few thousand extra?

I'd assume the child's parents would both contribute but the father would pay the majority as he's actually going

Backagain23 · 28/08/2023 21:53

timberho · 28/08/2023 21:42

"They all have the same dad."
Yes, but some of them live with him full time as a family. Some - your SD- see him infrequently.
The children do have very different parental experiences and it's disingenuous to suggest otherwise.
There isn't much equal about your kids and your SD's experiences.

Can you explain why it's not ok for OP (the person on parent to some of them) to treat the kids differently, but her DP (parent to all of them) is positively to be encouraged to treat his children differently?

SomeCatFromJapan · 28/08/2023 21:54

Some people are talking as if the SD goes to her mum's house to be locked in a cupboard and fed gruel. I'm sure ahe has nice things there as well, like her upcoming holiday to Greece.

Original poster
RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:54

YoSof · 28/08/2023 21:49

But that’s not what you said originally.

You said your dad wasn’t going because it wasn’t his thing, but if he was going then your DH would have gone too?

Show quote history

I said pages and pages ago that ‘it was just a trip with my mum’. I also said he wasn’t invited pages and pages ago.

He wasn’t invited and it was just a trip with my mum! That’s literally it. People seem to think that’s odd but there is no more to it. We have been together years and are not attached at the hip.

My mums been really unwell recently so he was never going to stop me spending time with her in the future or stop her grandkids going on holiday with her.

OP posts:
Partyatno10 · 28/08/2023 21:54

RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 21:49

It’s not my kids fault that they split up and dsd doesn’t live full time with her dad and mum.
They don’t get to miss out because of something that happened before they were even born.

Show quote history

No your children aren't missing out are they.theres only 1 child missing out here and it seems her father couldn't care less