To say no to DSDs mum

[RoarRoarBoom]

I am taking my kids to Disneyland Paris next year with my mum. My mum is paying for half the trip and I’m paying the other half.

My partner is not coming and isn’t paying towards it. It’s just a trip with my mum and kids. He is all the kids father.

We dropped DSD back home today and she’s told her mum that I’m taking my kids to Disneyland and she’s sent my partner a Whats app asking if I would consider taking DSD on the trip too.

If I say no then she is going to kick off but I don’t want to take her. This is a trip with my mum and her grandkids.

AIBU to say not consider this at all

Basically I don't think anyone actually thinks OPs kids should be taken away by DSDs mum. Just pointing out it's hypocritical to say because they are siblings OP has to take DSD but her mum doesn't have to take OPs kids.

Treating the same would be the OP DC staying at SCs mums house regularly also. If they had regular contact time with her then it becomes another totally different scenario.

She doesn't have to, if SC is part of the family then it would be nice to, that's all. Surely people can see that?

Yes but I think we are talking about two completely different things.

Obviously DSD has a relationship with OP that DSDs mum doesn't have with OPs children, don't think anyone is suggesting otherwise.

What people are saying is stupid is the argument that because the children are siblings they need to be included but the same doesn't apply for DSDs mum, if the reasoning is purely because they are siblings then same should apply the other way, but it doesn't (Obviously because it's ridiculous to suggest the children with always be treated to exactly the same thing when they have different parents).

‘Nice’. What does that even mean? Lots of things would be ‘nice’, as insipid a word as it is. It would be ‘nice’ if they took the money they spent on the holiday and donated it to charity instead.

It would be ‘nice’ if the stepdaughter’s mother didn’t try and muscle her daughter in on someone else’s holiday. It would be ‘nice’ for OP and her mother to have the holiday they want and planned.

"Sorry, dsd may be a bit confused - Jeff isn't coming on or contributing to the holiday, it's me and my mum and she's treating her grandkids. Jeff will still be home to do his usual overnights with Bella. Don't worry, she will always be included when me and Jeff do family holidays together! Hope that makes more sense"

You’re assuming they do include her on other holidays that her Dad does go on.

Another thread OP has posted on says this ‘father’ only sees his daughter every other weekend, they go on holiday without her snd they deliberately go on more days out when she’s not there as it’s cheaper. She also doesn’t keep things like clothing at her dads house. In that post and this one, it seems this child isn’t really part of the family. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to go on holiday without her SD in this situation, but OP does seem very cold towards this child. I wonder if her husband is any better.

Agreed, yes it's ridiculous as it's not possible at all. Some DC may go to private school as the resident parent has enough money, the non residents parents new DC may not as they might not have the funds, there are bound to be differences of course.

YANBU at all, what you do with your side of the family is your own.

I was with you, OP, and thought the explanation that this was a trip with you, your mum, your children, and not your DP would suffice.

However, from your later posts, you seem to be getting a kick out of this.
I agree

I thought this as well. I get the impression that the OP doesn't even like her SD and is using this as a weapon to send a message to her DP

I think that’s clear, isn’t it?

So many times on MN, SM's are told that the time the SC spend with just their dad is important and the SM should give them that time even so far as suggesting ( on a thread a year or so back), that the SM moves out of the home during contact times. So why is it, on this thread, that the OP is an evil SM for giving the dad and SD that time on their own? A holiday isn't a symbol of how much you love, like or even, as some have suggested, hate a child. Who knows, that time alone with her dad may end up to be one of the best memories of her childhood the SD has. So which is it....a trip to DLP with the Op and 3 others or 1-1 time with her dad, which is more likely to be the time she ends up valuing the most?

What a spiteful nasty piece of troll hunting.

I’m not saying OP is a troll, I believe this situation is real. Advanced search is something mumsnet provide to be used and this feels like relevant info. OP could have name changed if she wished.

Do you want to explain why you've put father in inverted commas?

Because how much of a father is someone that sees their child EOW and is still ok with planning days out without that child because it’s cheaper. She’s hardly there as it is.

No it's not clear at all hence why I asked for an explanation. If you're prepared to slag people off, I think you should be prepared to explain it.

Happy to explain. See above. 😉

People on a budget, frankly. This isn't that unusual.

Also, please note, I have said I don’t think OP is unreasonable to not take her SD away with her mum and children. But the tone of OPs posts here and on the other thread is unpleasant and shows a lack of any care for her SDs feelings. With a father who is happy to seemingly not include his daughter in days out etc, I do feel sorry for this child.

I think it’s more likely that OP is finding some of the more dramatic posts amusing in their out and out batshittery.

‘Getting a kick out of it’ = not being swayed or upset by said posts.

Your DSD will get over it. She must be a teenager? I think she will survive. I wouldn't be taking over people's kids on holiday with me either.

Can't beat a batshit crazy step parenting post on a BH Monday.

Enjoy Disney with your kids OP. Of course you don't have to take a child who isn't yours.

You couldn't pay me enough to holiday with my SKs again (have done in the past), whether their dad was present or not.

Of course you don't have to take DSD.

Her Dad can take her another time.

Sorry, would you call someone a 'mother' in the same situation?*

Yes. Any parent who sees their child so little and then doesn’t try to include them in some nice things like days out with them on the tiny % of time spent with them, is a bit shit really.

It's not really relevant to this situation at all, the 'father' as you put it, isn't even going.

Which is why I said, it’s not unreasonable of OP to not take the SD.

But it is relevant when it’s part of a bigger picture. The lack of inclusion on other things and the coldness of both ‘father’ and step parent isn’t nice to read about. It’s on her father to do better though, it’s his child not OPs.