To say no to DSDs mum

[RoarRoarBoom]

I am taking my kids to Disneyland Paris next year with my mum. My mum is paying for half the trip and I’m paying the other half.

My partner is not coming and isn’t paying towards it. It’s just a trip with my mum and kids. He is all the kids father.

We dropped DSD back home today and she’s told her mum that I’m taking my kids to Disneyland and she’s sent my partner a Whats app asking if I would consider taking DSD on the trip too.

If I say no then she is going to kick off but I don’t want to take her. This is a trip with my mum and her grandkids.

AIBU to say not consider this at all

No I don’t think I am being unreasonable to take my children away with their nan.

most people agree too.

I bet that would be nice for both of them!

Pretty sure OP demonstrated the concept of a blended family when she booked holidays to Devon and Cornwall for herself, her husband, her DSD and her kids.

No OP has made that abundantly clear....to us and her DSD

No, absolutely not.
But I would want my ex to make sure his first child/den did not feel left out (of anything) due to the actions of his new partner.

It would be different if her dad was going but he isn't. As a parent you should be able to go away occasionally with just your children, especially when the dad isn't going and mum could afford to take her if she wanted to .

@CherryMaDeara

oh yes, sorry. Cheap trips, everyone welcome.

Disneyland - only MY kids.

Yes, DSD will totally understand that.

Get real.

Mum has asked a question - not kicked off, not said she would not pay - simply asked a question.

OP can say no and take her own children -there is nothing wrong with that.

Mumsnet - evil EX has gone into overdrive.

The person sticking their head in the sand here is the DF in all this. He has decided that some of his DCS can go to Disney and one gets excluded because he does not want to go. If it was anywhere else but Disney - this would not be as big an issue - but it is Disney and if DSD has never been then this will cause problems.
DF is setting himself to having to take all his DCS again to Disney!

Sorry he is being an idiot - the issue is the place and that some of his dCS willg o and one won't.

Mum has asked politely and OP can say no - let the DF deal with the fall out.

That’s never ever going to be possible though!

I am entitled to do stuff with my kids in the times dsd isn’t here. Are you saying everything should be kept for times when dsd is here only incase she feels like she’s missing out?

So essentially my kids should miss out all the time….. never going to happen.

@mumyes , so if you wouldn’t want any new partner to believe she’s your children’s mother, why do your posts indicate that she should view DSD as her child?

This is interesting and I don’t want to derail, but how do you define “mother”.

Theres a slogan that I love that is often promoted by Gateway Women (org that support involuntarily childless women) - “mother is a verb not just a noun.”

He hasn’t decided anything! He doesn’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do with our kids when what I’m doing will make their lives better!

It was never a trip for him to come on…. It was always being arranged with my mum so he’s not an idiot.

and dsd mums message wasn’t polite at all, it was passive aggressive.

It's very easy to understand, SDs mother should have said " sorry sweetheart but OP and children are going away with their grandmother, like when we go to visit your grandmother, my mum alone without them and your father is staying home. Maybe we can see if you can stay with him and do somethings together alone when op goes away? "

The person at fault here and who is actually causing some potential damage is the ex.

No, behaving like a responsible, kind, considerate adult does not have to mean acting like DSDs mother.

You're trying to put words into my mouth...& failing.

They don't have to all be at Disney at the same time.

DSD's mum is clearly planning a planning for herself and her own daughter- she can plan for a Disney holiday rather than Greece whenever they'd planned to go.

You obviously don’t go away much if you think Cornwall is cheap😂

Of course not. But I think the thing here is how DSD thinks of OP. If she was surprised and hurt to be left out of the DLP trip, and I'm guessing she was seeing as she has asked to go and OP has tired not to talk about it in front of her, then she perhaps does view OP as a mother figure.

OP can do what she wants with her children, of course she can, but if her DSD ends up getting hurt then I can't understand why she just wouldn't include a child she has known and (step) parented for at least 12 years. Seems like a very odd hill to die on.