Why would an adult male be alone in the teaching pool?

[redrighthand83]

At my local leisure centre, there is the large main pool and then a shallow teaching pool which is around 100cm deep at the deepest section.

The teaching pool during the day is essentially the toddler pool. I have seen adults in the teaching pool earlier in the morning when it's quiet- and good on them, to build their confidence etc.

But the last few weekends at the busy sessions there's a man alone in his late 60s who just sits there in the corner watching everyone. I just can't imagine why he would choose to sit in a pool full of screaming and splashing children other than the more sinister reasons. I have tried to find the logic -e.g. he is entitled to use it but why would someone of retirement age only be able to use a pool on a Saturday lunch? Could he just be lonely and oblivious to the weird vibes it gives off?

Am I being unreasonable to ask the centre to perhaps look to separate lone adults using the teaching pool from the busier sessions with children?

Voting:

YABU: The world doesnt revolve around children
YANBU: This could be a safeguarding issue

I mean, if you read my entire post and didn't just cherry pick that bit:

Men (or ANYONE before someone comes for me) who are creeping perverts when younger don't magically grow out of it once they hit 60. In fact, I suspect it only emboldens them, because they know that no one speaks up, or they play the age card.

But I can repeat it if it helps: people (because heaven forbid I single out men) who are lecherous perverts when they are younger don't change when they get older.

'Playing the age card' means, when those lecherous perverts get older, they know no one will challenge them because they're seen as older and in need of being respected, or grandfatherly, or whatever. Somehow above reproach for actions which a younger man might be called a lecherous pervert, due to age.

He may have a child in the pool and wants to watch to make sure they are safe but not interfere.

Clearly you are concerned he is a pedophile - you have probably valid reasons .I give this advice as someone 2 whose gp was arrested and sent to prison for looking at indecent pictures of children . It messed with my head for a while .. I found that after I eventually got to the point he had never examined my Ds’s nappy area . He had never been unsupervised with my dc so my D’s wasn’t harmed by it .
it might not be the perfect senario but there are pedophiles living amongst us .

I have been in a situation where I took my toddler to a little paddling pool in a park, full of toddlers, and a lone older man was stood there with an erection, watching everyone. He was clearly not mentally well, but it was very unpleasant. One mum frogmarched him out of there and the police came very quickly. You don’t want to think you’re seeing what you’re seeing but it does happen.

In my pool you have to be signed in to the toddler pool- there are sessions for 0-4 and 5-11 and you have to fit into those categories. You can't just be a lone adult in the pool.

I feel really sad about this, yes there may be a 1% chance he could be a perv. But what if he’s not, maybe he actually enjoys the noise compared to when he’s sat in his silent house. Maybe he’s deaf like me and so it doesn’t bother him! Perhaps he is doing it as someone said to help his joints. I often go to the pool alone, I can’t swim much because I have a condition that restricts how much exercise I can do, the water really helps. When the main pool has been busy, I’ve been known to sit in the shallow pool because I don’t feel like I’m in the way of swimmers. I’m now (after this post) concerned that maybe because I’m alone, people might think I’m there for nefarious reasons!

@redrighthand83 So you want to separate all the generations from each other? That's quite sad tbh.

If it were me, I'd mention in an informal way to the centre manager that you've noticed there's a chap by himself in the little pool on saturday lunchtimes, and you haven't seen him do anything wrong but it just seems odd that he's there watching the children, so maybe they could mention it to the safeguarding team to keep an eye out.

Anybody who has taken any safeguarding training gets told that if you're even slightly unsure of if you should report something to a safeguarding lead or not, you absolutely should do. Including if something just doesn't feel right. It's clear that it just doesn't feel right to you, so report it to their safeguarding team. Reporting to safeguarding isn't getting him into trouble, it isn't dobbing anybody in, it doesn't disturb him if it's all innocent, he won't have a clue he's been raised as a potential SG concern, and the safeguarding lead may or may not act on your report (and you'll never hear if they do). But you will have put him on their radar, and if others do too, or if something else happens, they can connect the dots.

My first thought is hydrotherapy, the learning pool is much warmer. Maybe he is lonely and misses having his children around, men can like children and not be perverts. Or maybe he's perving at the mums!

Would you also argue the same to women only sessions?

There are lots of grandparents with their kids in the family sessions and in the main pool.

Is it a leisure centre......he might be a member who uses the gym. I used to go for a dip after a gym session and.just bod about, it was more to.ease my muscles than anything and have a bit of thinking time.

I can't see the harm in going to reception and flagging it with a member of staff.

You aren't being accusatory, you aren't saying anything in front of this man etc.

It is weird behaviour on his part and whilst I'd assume probably not nefarious as such it is playing with social boundaries isn't it?

Oh ffs

Its a teaching pool, not a toddler pool (though it seems to be one by stealth)

Leave the bloke alone. He might have leg or bone issues and likes the warmer pool.

Yes, I said that in my OP. Thanks for your helpful contribution.

Sarcastic Woman

But how does that work? “Are you a pervert?” “No.” “Ah, that’s fine then.”

The thing is, if it’s permitted to be in that pool, there’s no way to say he’s doing anything wrong.

You have to be really clear what you want to accuse someone of. It’s not illegal to be aroused by all sorts of things. I mean, if he’s sitting there with an obvious erection, then fair enough - off you pop, mate. But if it’s fine for a non-pervert to sit there and there and enjoy the view, then it has to be fine for the pervert to sit there and enjoy the view; you can’t discriminate on the grounds of “Will you be thinking about this later and having a wank!” Recent debates, surely, have taught us that what’s going on in a man’s head can’t determine what spaces he’s allowed to enter; we have to be really clear and specific about our boundaries.

And this is why I would like to frame it as I think some families would be more comfortable without single adults being able to access the pool at the same time, and tbh probably vice versa.

Perhaps he is lonely and watching children/families enjoy themselves makes him happy and remember his own family? Have you ever tried speaking to him? You could frame it as asking how he stands the noise or something.

I keep musing over this. But honestly, why a swimming pool? Can people really be that oblivious to how it looks? There are so many places families visit where no one would bat an eyelid at an adult sitting alone.

Yes. That would enable better safeguarding.

He is old maybe starting to lose his marbles a bit, and not realise how it looks.

Can’t for the life of me understand all these ridiculous comments suggesting OP is BU. Or how certain people are that this old guy they’ve never met has joint pain. It’s massively weird unless he has learning difficulties he would be aware that his lone presence in a swimming pool full of little children would likely be seen as inappropriate/ concerning. The fact he’s sitting there with people obviously keeping their distance to me suggests his desire to sit amongst those children is really rather strong, be that with innocent or other vile motives.

It’s not unreasonable to have misgivings. It’s unreasonable to think there’s much you can actually do about it.

I am nearly 20 years older than you in those intervening years my health had deteriorated in the last 2yrs I have had fractured pelvis & fractured ribs unsure but may have inflammatory arthritis due to an autoimmune condition. I am on the 3rd cycle hydrotherapy I have blagged it to be honest. In between sessions trying to find a pool with warm water was impossible. The main pool locally was closed anyway for repairs. What I am trying to say you don’t know what your future holds I would of loved to have sat in the toddler pool at some points difficult to walk to get into the toddler pool, but I would of loved it. Glad I didn’t now might of being accused of somthing

@@indyocean

is that written into your membership contract or just something you've decided? Having paid their membership fees, unless it says so in the contract, people are allowed to use a pool in whatever way helps them 💁🏻‍♀️