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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would an adult male be alone in the teaching pool?

264 replies

redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 15:42

At my local leisure centre, there is the large main pool and then a shallow teaching pool which is around 100cm deep at the deepest section.

The teaching pool during the day is essentially the toddler pool. I have seen adults in the teaching pool earlier in the morning when it's quiet- and good on them, to build their confidence etc.

But the last few weekends at the busy sessions there's a man alone in his late 60s who just sits there in the corner watching everyone. I just can't imagine why he would choose to sit in a pool full of screaming and splashing children other than the more sinister reasons. I have tried to find the logic -e.g. he is entitled to use it but why would someone of retirement age only be able to use a pool on a Saturday lunch? Could he just be lonely and oblivious to the weird vibes it gives off?

Am I being unreasonable to ask the centre to perhaps look to separate lone adults using the teaching pool from the busier sessions with children?

Voting:

YABU: The world doesnt revolve around children
YANBU: This could be a safeguarding issue

OP posts:
ladeluge · 26/08/2023 16:06

Seems to be a few handmaidens around. If your gut instinct tells you something, act on it. As pps have said, mention it to the manager. Ask manager if he is allowed to just sit there and watch the kiddies without kids/young relatives of his own to supervise. Simple request and I wonder what is so bad in asking about him.

Pervs are everywhere, often in plain sight, he might be innocent and manager may be able to vouch for him, but maybe he's not.

Lucinda7 · 26/08/2023 16:06

Whatever his reasons for this behaviour he is certainly old enough to be aware that it seems weird.

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 26/08/2023 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:08

Lucinda7 · 26/08/2023 16:06

Whatever his reasons for this behaviour he is certainly old enough to be aware that it seems weird.

This is what I keep thinking.

I get it if it was his first time. I can imagine a few people have probably made that mistake and thought 'Shit, full of kids at this time!' and then decided to go earlier or later.

I would just feel really self-conscious that I looked like a perv sitting alone in a pool full of kids......

OP posts:
Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EW, why do you look up peoples posting history? THAT is creepy.

Reported.

OP posts:
ladeluge · 26/08/2023 16:11

I don't know how or why some posters get satisfaction out of searching for another posters history. Now that's weird to me, but anyway the search facility is available to all, but IMV there's no need to gloat and publish a "gotcha" for everyone to see is there?

neilyoungismyhero · 26/08/2023 16:12

I agree with you OP it's weird. He could pick a better time to ease his arthritis and yes I would mention it to the Manager definitely not the young lifeguards yourself.

Keha · 26/08/2023 16:12

A older man was in our local pool, not the small pool but I just stayed by the steps and didn't go far at all. I heard him telling someone else that he recently had something like a hip/knee replacement and couldn't really swim but just enjoyed taking the weight off it and was trying to build up some mobility. Could be similar and even it the small pool is only a bit warmer itmakes a difference if you are not moving much

Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:13

ladeluge · 26/08/2023 16:11

I don't know how or why some posters get satisfaction out of searching for another posters history. Now that's weird to me, but anyway the search facility is available to all, but IMV there's no need to gloat and publish a "gotcha" for everyone to see is there?

Its not even a gotcha.

One time I commented about the use of the freedom pass, and I actually agree with the winter fuel allowance but wanted it means tested so those who need it get a larger sum. Apparently, that means I hate old people.

I love Mumsnet!

OP posts:
ladeluge · 26/08/2023 16:15

redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:13

Its not even a gotcha.

One time I commented about the use of the freedom pass, and I actually agree with the winter fuel allowance but wanted it means tested so those who need it get a larger sum. Apparently, that means I hate old people.

I love Mumsnet!

Show quote history

No need to explain. I really don't know how some people have the time or can be bothered to do a search! A bit stalkerish to me.

CurlewKate · 26/08/2023 16:15

He has a bad back and the warm water eases it?
How do you know he doesn't have a child/grandchild?

Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:15

Keha · 26/08/2023 16:12

A older man was in our local pool, not the small pool but I just stayed by the steps and didn't go far at all. I heard him telling someone else that he recently had something like a hip/knee replacement and couldn't really swim but just enjoyed taking the weight off it and was trying to build up some mobility. Could be similar and even it the small pool is only a bit warmer itmakes a difference if you are not moving much

Maybe! There are lots of sessions in the week specifically aimed at older folks as well. Perhaps they should do more to advertise them.

OP posts:
WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 26/08/2023 16:16

Call me old-fashioned, I just find not so casual ageism repugnant.

Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:16

CurlewKate · 26/08/2023 16:15

He has a bad back and the warm water eases it?
How do you know he doesn't have a child/grandchild?

Because he is alone the entire 55 minutes, he gets out alone, have seen him leave alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:17

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 26/08/2023 16:16

Call me old-fashioned, I just find not so casual ageism repugnant.

Its not about his age?

Its about an adult being alone in a pool full of toddlers.

I mention his age as a factor that I imagine he isnt restricted in what times he could use the pool.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 26/08/2023 16:18

Maybe sitting in the water helps his joints? Just leave him be.

Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:19

TheFairyCaravan · 26/08/2023 16:18

Maybe sitting in the water helps his joints? Just leave him be.

I am leaving him be?

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 26/08/2023 16:20

redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:17

Its not about his age?

Its about an adult being alone in a pool full of toddlers.

I mention his age as a factor that I imagine he isnt restricted in what times he could use the pool.

Show quote history

You do realise that not everyone in their late sixties is retired, don’t you?

Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:20

TheFairyCaravan · 26/08/2023 16:20

You do realise that not everyone in their late sixties is retired, don’t you?

Show quote history

Perhaps I am being generous with his age.

He is clearly not of full time working age.

OP posts:
sleepyscientist · 26/08/2023 16:21

@redrighthand83 I could understand if it was during a specific kids session like lessons etc but an open session is just that open. He may have an injury that the water helps, he may be following a plan so for x weeks do some leg raises, then for x weeks walk etc

Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:22

sleepyscientist · 26/08/2023 16:21

@redrighthand83 I could understand if it was during a specific kids session like lessons etc but an open session is just that open. He may have an injury that the water helps, he may be following a plan so for x weeks do some leg raises, then for x weeks walk etc

Thats my question. Perhaps they SHOULD have sessions where some are for kids and some are for adults. I mean, it surely cant be enjoyable for him! Its a RACKET in there!

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 26/08/2023 16:23

WrylyAmused · 26/08/2023 15:58

It's warmer - maybe he has arthritis or painful joints and finds the extra support/weightlessness of being in water helpful.

If he's not moving much then the main pool might well be too cold and/or too deep. You lose fat as you age, so maybe he feels cold more.

Could also be lonely & like to have people around him.
He might also come at other times, not just the Saturday morning session when it happens to be full of toddlers.

There are lots of possible reasons.
There's also a chance (albeit pretty small) that there's a dodgy reason.

Unless there's more to it than him just existing in a place he's entitled to be, using a facility he's entitled to, it doesn't seem unreasonable of him.

All of this.

It might be that he goes every day, and you've just noticed him today. Or it might be that he is still at work in the week. Or it might be he realises that it makes little difference in the school holidays, or even that it is quieter on a Saturday in the school holidays than it is in the week.

But, if I wanted to be in a pool to take weight off my joints, then I too would be in the smaller pool where it is warmer and shallower. That's just logical.

Original poster
redrighthand83 · 26/08/2023 16:24

UsingChangeofName · 26/08/2023 16:23

All of this.

It might be that he goes every day, and you've just noticed him today. Or it might be that he is still at work in the week. Or it might be he realises that it makes little difference in the school holidays, or even that it is quieter on a Saturday in the school holidays than it is in the week.

But, if I wanted to be in a pool to take weight off my joints, then I too would be in the smaller pool where it is warmer and shallower. That's just logical.

Show quote history

excellent points!!

OP posts:
PlainJanePerfect · 26/08/2023 16:24

Is the pool marketed as the toddler pool or the training pool? My kid learns in something big enough for six toddlers and instructor and the parents. It's snug and makes me feel like a dumpling in soup.

The pool we went to in London has a training pool- much larger but still shallow and warm pool that people might use for recovery after a long swim, warming up or treating an injury where they wanted to go slower.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 26/08/2023 16:25

Would you be worried if it werean old woman or a young woman? Perhaps he cannot awim or perhaps he has a painful joint condition And the water and supportive qualities of the water offer him some relief. Never heard of the benefits of hydrotherapy? The fact that you seem to be of the impression that he is a paedophile because he is a male of a certain age suggests you are the one with a problem. So what if he is watching the world go by - where else is he supposed to look? Like I say would you be bothered if it were anyone else? If he was on the s.o. Register he would not be allowed in the pool. The pool is for anyone and everyone not just you and your kid.