Why would an adult male be alone in the teaching pool?

[redrighthand83]

At my local leisure centre, there is the large main pool and then a shallow teaching pool which is around 100cm deep at the deepest section.

The teaching pool during the day is essentially the toddler pool. I have seen adults in the teaching pool earlier in the morning when it's quiet- and good on them, to build their confidence etc.

But the last few weekends at the busy sessions there's a man alone in his late 60s who just sits there in the corner watching everyone. I just can't imagine why he would choose to sit in a pool full of screaming and splashing children other than the more sinister reasons. I have tried to find the logic -e.g. he is entitled to use it but why would someone of retirement age only be able to use a pool on a Saturday lunch? Could he just be lonely and oblivious to the weird vibes it gives off?

Am I being unreasonable to ask the centre to perhaps look to separate lone adults using the teaching pool from the busier sessions with children?

Voting:

YABU: The world doesnt revolve around children
YANBU: This could be a safeguarding issue

I just can't imagine why he would choose to sit in a pool full of screaming and splashing children other than the more sinister reasons.

First of all, why is your immediate thought paedophilia and not that he wants to sit in a warmer pool? Or that he's with someone and they're out of your sight? Why are you staring at a random man who hasn't done anything?

If you're that certain he's a nice, you tel someone, not just sit there

My elderly uncle would do something like this - he has mild dementia and his social judgement is somewhat impaired

He is the main carer for his frail wife and gets very little time for himself - except when a crossroads respite carer visits for a couple of hours

During that time he will go to sit in the local childrens playground - he loves to see them playing and hearing them laugh and scream

He says it reminds him of 'happier times' when his life was full of childrens laughter

He's a very nice pleasant kind man and there is absolutely no harm intended but as a family we are aware of the negativity he may encounter

I was responding to posters who are defending the male and their counter attack is, "Would you react like this if the man was a lone female?" The implication is that we wouldn't react to a woman in that way. I would. I think this male is possibly a paedophile and i would react to a woman in rge same way.

Where does that statistic come from?

I’d feel the same as you OP.

It is a bit weird but there could be a load of reasons for him being there- the pool being warmer, easier to get into and out of, he may go everyday and you’ve only spotted him the day you’re going. There could also be the horrible reasons for him being there but I imagine the life guards have clocked him.

If it’s concerning you enough and he still remains there the next time you go then you could ask about it at the reception? It may be he needs the heat for his joints and the pool is cheaper than attending other places so he goes there frequently.

I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned it yet but it could be that he’s doing hydrotherapy?
when I was having Hydrotheraphy, I used to practise my exercises in the pool once a week on my own too . Teaching pool would be way easier to use as it’s the same height as most Hydrotheraphy pools. I don’t think it’s wrong to clock him and keep an eye, but if he’s not swimming and just sort of moving his legs in the same place then it might be that 😊

My dad was elderly and liked watching the kids at the park because he was lonely and children playing/ their silliness was entertaining. One day some woman had a go at him and it really dented his self esteem, I guarantee if it was an old woman nothing would of been said. It never occurred to him or us that it was weird because he's always been a hands on dad / grandfather. It's very sad world how everyone assumes someone is a pervert.

It's warmer in the kids pool. Why is it OK for adults to be in there at other times but not on a Saturday? Some old men are pedos, the majority aren't. Being in a pool just sat there isn't breaking any pool rules (I assume). He could be a weirdo, equally he could just be some bloke who likes sitting in the warmer pool, maybe it helps his aching joints or something, who knows?!

One thing that occurred to me is that adult only swimming sessions and where pools do it, warmer water, tends to be evenings. Getting to a pool in the evenings may not be possible for some without a car.

Tbf old ladies are statistically much less likely to be sexual predators than old men 🤷🏻‍♀️

So.. if you think he has nefarious purposes, speak to the pool staff.

But right now all you know is he is behaving in a manner you can't think of a reason for, that seems odd, to you.

If he is intending on abusing children, he isn't doing it there in the pool is he?

Can we stop people doing completely harmless things because they might be thinking about something disgusting/illegal/harmful...?

So the way forward is to report to pool staff and say you have concerns and they can take whatever action they think is necessary, which is more likely to be to wander through the changing rooms more often, than it is to stop him sitting in the pool (as again, hes not abusing kids IN the pool... if he was going to, it'd be in the changing rooms later).

As PP suggested he may well be just sitting and enjoying the warmer water and weight off joints. I sometimes do this, you can't do it in the main pool at adult only times as its lane swims, and if its not adult only times its full of kids divebombing.

I'd rather NOT do it in the kids pool either... waterproof nappies are not THAT waterproof... but given I can't afford a sex-pond at home, nor membership to the fancy spa... it's all I've got!

I think it’s a bit weird, and I would probably speak to management and see if they have an opinion.

It’s probably nothing to worry about, but people assuming it’s “nothing to worry about” is how paedophiles get away with it. It’s human nature to think the best of people, and assume that we all have the same moral code, but sadly we don’t.

I don’t understand the posters who feel sad that this man may be completely innocent and have no idea he’s causing concern. Dementia/SEN aside (as a PP mentioned), surely every adult in the world knows that if they sit half naked in a pool of half naked little kids, none of whom they know, it’s going to look a bit dodgy!

Maybe he can only get a lift there on a Saturday from someone who works in the week. If you haven't got young kids, it's actually really nice watching them. They are so joyful. It makes you feel happier.

I think you have to work on the assumption that 99.9% of people are good and the bad ones are the exception.

This is so sad and also the case in my family.
Older, male relative loves watching kids play. Just watching them explore and delight in life.
Not a paedophile at all, but I'm very aware of how he may be judged.

I'd speak to her centre if you're really worried, which you clearly are as you've posted here.

You could try the old fashioned talk to him first, just a general chat.

As for the person being retired I have relatives in their mid to late 70s still working. Not splurging wildly with their free bus passes and utilities payment.

🤷‍♀️ @CwmYoy
No idea why it’s a ridiculous/daft idea to speak to another person in a swimming pool.
Theres every possibility the man is there for an entirely innocent reason like other posters have suggested. Medical/Loneliness.

It’s also entirely possible he is there for a less innocent reason.

So OP’s choices

1. to ignore it and her concerns, or
2. tell a centre manager and have them deal with it or
3. try and gauge the situation herself first and make a more informed judgement call.

I know if I was the man in question and there for an innocent reason, I’d prefer the third one over the second one.

Given the number of dodgy men there are in the world it's not that unlikely that it isn't innocent either.

You wouldn't suggest he goes to a sauna or spa pool or somewhere more appropriate? Somewhere that people wouldn't make incorrect assumptions or put him at risk of being confronted? A lone male sitting in what is essentially a kid's pool watching the kids is at best stupid and socially inept and at worse a paedophile hiding in plain site, which is exactly how they function. Why would you want your father to be incorrectly judged like that?The naivety on here is astonishing.

Humiliate him.

Is this a suggestion? It’s not clear

I imagine there aren’t many parents of young kids on MUMSNET!!!! Honestly!
If he was creeping, I’d be actually concerned.

I do agree @redrighthand83 that it may be useful to ask the staff if they’re thinking of doing family only sessions. You can then address the issue head on.

YANBU. It is strange behaviour. I wouldn’t do that myself and I’m a woman. He’s not necessarily pervy, he might just be unaware that it’s a Toddler Pool or that his presence is a bit strange.

The toddler pool at our swimming pool is like a filled in figure of 8. The top of the 8 is very shallow, less than 30cms. It’s the way most people enter the pool, but the generally walk through it. However, one day a man was sitting in there with his legs open and kind of opening and shutting them under the water. My instinct said it was creepy, but I then thought maybe he’s temporarily warming up before moving on. However, he wasn’t. As women and children entered/exited the pool, his sweeping thighs would brush against them. It was vile. In the end, people stood and stared at him. A lifeguard came over but the man quickly got up and walked away before the lifeguard got to him. So, creeps do get pleasure from arousing themselves in the toddler pool. It was really gross.

Perhaps he was exercising his thighs? Perhaps he had a bad back? Perhaps he was actually 3yrs old but just looked 50? All these suggestions are silly. When I have a bad back or aching joints, I sit in a bath in my own home. I don’t go to the pool, pay for a swim and plonk myself in the middle of the toddler pool. If nothing else, it’s strange and selfish.

If this man is innocent but unaware of the unusualness of what he’s doing, he might be laying himself open to upset if someone makes accusations. You should have a discreet word with the manager and alert them. They can then choose a time to chat to the man privately and explain a) it’s a toddler pool, and b) the presence of an adult man without children sitting there might draw unwanted accusations which, of course, nobody would want. This way, no-one is accusing the man of anything. They’re simply highlighting things out of concern for him, and explaining it’s a toddler pool. On occasions, adults have assumed the toddler pool at our pool was some kind of extension of the jacuzzi and sauna, so mistakes do happen.

We have an open air paddling pool near us, open to the public.
Lone men used to sit on the surrounding benches and watch the kids. Some of us were concerned and voiced that concern and we were shouted down: we were nasty, suspicious women seeing perverts on every corner, apparently.

When one of them started bringing a camera, it came out about the bail hostel nearby, housing suspected paedophiles and those who’d been released from prison.
Some of them were spotted sitting on those benches, watching the children.

Maybe, maybe.

But as above, the toddler pool is for toddlers and the adults with them.

It doesn't matter what reasons the man has for using the pool unaccompanied. It isn't for him.

Stupid comment.
You don't have to have been on mumsnet long to understand that not only does not everybody have young children here but, gasp, some posters don't have children at all 😱
Try and get your head around that one!