My sister and I are close. We also have a close relationship with our parents who are now both in their early 80’s.
Dad is in good health physically and mentally but sadly our lovely mum has Alzheimer’s. She lives at home with dad. Both dsis and I live close by. I go and see/help them most days and my sister helps out a few times a week. She also cleans their house every week.
My parents are very comfortable financially. They live in a large house which is worth well over £600k and they have hundreds of thousands in their bank.
Since leaving home over 25 years ago I have never asked for money from my parents and don’t intend to or expect any, their money is theirs. As far as I am aware my sister has never asked for money either.
My sister works hard as a full time as a cleaner and runs a small business with a friend. Money has been quite tight for her at times as her partner is a minimal wage earner.
I am quite worried about my sister. In recent years she has not been well. She feels poorly most days but can not take time off because she is self employed and would also lose clients if she took too much time off.
About 2 years ago she developed a thyroid issue. She then experienced some heart symptoms and it was discovered she has very high calcium blood levels. This continues to be the case. After much faffing around by the NHS and lots of scans she was told earlier this year she has Parathyroid disease and the diseased gland will need to be removed.
However, due to the NHS being in the state it is and the recent strikes, her operation keeps being put back. Earlier this year we were told the op would be this summer (I went with her), now it’s more likely to be next year.
And as an incidental finding when having the CT Scans, it has been discovered she also has a large bronchogenic cyst, which is benign but due to its location and a possible risk of becoming malignant, it is advised she should also have this removed (god only knows when this op will be?).
She is becoming more and more poorly. Constantly shattered and sleeps as soon as she comes home from work, has palpitations frequently and feels very weary. The hospital and GP are next to useless. She is not one for pushing anything and is just waiting for appointments to come through. I worry about the long term leaching of her calcium levels as our mum is bent over with osteoporosis and this runs in the family as does heart disease.
Anyhow, long story short, our dad is fully aware of her health issues and how she is currently feeling but will not offer to help her go privately, I have asked him but he says it’s up to the NHS to help her.
If I had the money myself I would not hesitate to assist her to go privately.
Now, I appreciate dad and mum’s money is theirs and theirs to do with whatever they wish to but it’s upsetting that a) give money each month to various charities but can’t help his daughter out and b) dad now controls all the money (mum would have offered instantly) and the majority of their £££££’s in the bank is actually via mum’s inheritance from our grandad and he wouldn’t have hesitated to help my dsis as he was a very generous man and loved us immensely as we were his only grandchildren.
I just can not envisage being in a comfortable financial situation like my parents are and NOT helping my own dc if they needed it for health issues. Like I say this is my dad not my mum. If she had capacity she would not have hesitated to help.
I know they need to keep as much money saved as possible incase mum needs to go into care but even so……
AIBU to think my dad is being a little bit tight arsed?