To not send this man money

[Whatsthescory]

About 8 years ago, my husband and I lived abroad. We lived in an apartment block which had a security desk in the foyer. One of the security guards (also an expat) was quite friendly and we would always have a little chat. It wasn't a friendship, just a pleasant hello and goodbye. He requested me as a friend on Facebook but didn't post much. We left after a year living there and never saw him or heard from him again. We moved on and left that country.

A year ago I got a Facebook messenger message from him out of the blue, just asking how we were doing. He sent a photo he took from when our son was a baby and asked about him. Odd, but pleasant. He said he had gone back to Nigeria where he was from and had opened a business. I told my husband, and he seemed a bit dubious about the whole thing. Anyway, the guy never contacted me again, until recently.

A few months ago, he sent me a message saying that he always remembered that I was kind and that he felt he could turn to me, although it was a last resort and he felt ashamed. Basically, after the pandemic, his business really suffered and he really struggled to get on his feet. Could I send him some money to get him back on his feet.

My initial reaction was to help him as I am comfortably off. My husband smelled a rat and said it was my choice if I sent him money, but if I did, be prepared to be asked again and again and again. My husband also raised the point that it was wrong to single me out and that DH was also fb friends with him and had exactly the same relationship with him as me (saying hello and goodbye). Why did he contact the woman first? Did he think that maybe I would be a bit more willing to send money? Dh also said that the way he had contacted me last year was to test the water and reestablish a connection so it wouldnt be so out of the blue to ask for money and that i was being naive. He also said the guy would probably be eligible for small business loans in his area, but I'm not sure how accessible they are where he is from.

On one hand I'm wondering, what if this guy really is stuck and he is desperate? On the other I'm thinking, he hasn't contacted me in years and it's all just a bit too strange. In the end, I didn't respond as I didn't know what to say.

Aibu to not send money to him?

Always happens when you are friendly to somebody overseas. I have had it quite a few times from different countries I have visited. I don’t understand how they have the audacity to ask even though we’re not friends but oh well

Of course he's a random bloke. OP knows nothing about him other than he worked in her building eight years ago.

If someone I exchanged pleasantries with eight years ago suddenly asked me for money I'd think they were (at best) a cheeky fucker.

So what is the solution to the problem with the Nigerian economy? I know - every Nigerian family finds a rich westerner who will send them a regular monthly amount, so they can survive. Not. I don’t know what the solution is, but I don’t think it’s individuals sending money.

It could be a scam, in the sense that the person behind the message isn’t the man OP knew. OR it could be the person OP knew, but he is lying about his circumstances. OR it could be him and he’s telling the truth.

Even if it is him and he’s telling the truth - why would his business succeed in future if it’s failed in the past? There will be more requests for money, for sure.

Block

THIS.

I’m afraid this has all the hallmarks of a scam and I would also block and move on.

If you want to send money that will go directly to those in need then look at a charity like Give Directly. They’re US-based but headed up by Rory “Nice for a Tory” Stewart.

https://www.givedirectly.org/

Of course he's a random bloke. OP knows nothing about him other than he worked in her building eight years ago.

She doesn't even know that. She knows that someone is saying they are the bloke who worked in the building 8 years ago. And that's it.

I agree with Nikii83. This is a scammer posing as this expat security guard whom you barely knew. It's not that guy. This is a common Facebook scam.

Classic scam. Someone's hacked his fb.

It might not even be the same man! Someone could have hacked his account

Absolutely this.

Well yes, that too!

It worries me that so many people are willing to blindly believe everything they read online - especially to the extent that they're happy to then send money to a total stranger.

It's batshit imo.

OP you sound like an absolute treasure ❤️

I voted YANBU, because clearly YANBU, but I can see it from both sides.

It’s a crazy, massively inequitable world where people from extreme poverty see and even mix with people with extreme wealth. For no reason other than chance, ie where you were born and whether the odds were stacked in your favour or against. It’s mind-blowing really. It must be very hard understanding one when you’re in the other. How must it feel for him if he’s feeling abject despair, potentially being on the edge of survival and knowing people - literally at the tips of his fingers but inhabiting another reality - who could potentially solve all his problems with little to no upheaval for themselves. In this scenario, I can see why one might just ask (instead of keep torturing oneself as to whether or not to ask).

Of course he may be a ‘scammer’, but the chances are surely that he’s just ‘trying his luck’. And it’s OP’s money and OP’s call what to do with it.

I had a local taxi company email me (and presumably their whole mailing list) asking for ‘investors’. I’ve also heard first hand from a number of incredibly successful, awesome people (as part of my job) who raised funds for study through ‘crowdfunding’ friends and fam. Yes it’s borderline hustling - but it’s also resourceful and entrepreneurial.

If it were me, I’d probably get the husband to send the message, see how he responds, and go from there. If it was an amount that was of no significance to me, then I would probably do it on the clear understanding that it was a one-off. In fact I do this regularly with ‘chuggers’ collecting for various charities on the streets, etc. Even if I’ve no money left in my bank account for the month I might chuck them a fiver - it’s all relative!

Either way OP, do whatever feels right with no obligation to anyone.

Tell him that he'll need to sent up one of these, then you will contribute to it. Microfinance from CARE International UK (lendwithcare.org)

You barely know this man. You don't even know for sure if the person communicating with you is the person you met oh so briefly all those years ago. You also have no idea as to the truth about his personal financial circumstances.

Ask yourself this, if you have money that you can afford to give to a good cause, why on earth is this person even close to the top of your list?

Why does he have a pic of your son as a baby

Surely if he took a pic for you he would have used your camera /phone

I swear someone posted something almost exactly the same recently.

It's a pic of the guy standing beside my husband who was holding our son when he was a baby. I think they bumped into eachother at a match or some kind of sporting event and the guy got someone to take a pic.

I do support a charity and I asked upthread for some info about a charity in Nigeria that supports local start ups that I could get behind too.

@Whatsthescory

What makes me think it is a scam is what he wants the money for

,business permit,fire license certificate,branding license.

I would be surprised if you need a fire license certificate in Nigeria.

Its literally a business in some countries. I just read an article about it from the NYT or the Guardian. Think of it like mining the internet or mining social media for gold. Its just a kind of phishing expedition.

I would feel bad but absolutely say no and block.

I'm sure I've read an identical post to this on here. Anyone else got deja vu?
Anyhow, I would not send money, either, sounds a bit suspect to me.

Brilliant thank you!

That is what I was wondering too.