to pull my 6 year old out of school just because she wants to be home educated?

[HomeEduDilemma]

Me and DH are not in agreement over this and I am feeling really stuck about it!

Our 9 year old (autistic) came out of school last year and is now home educated. He couldn't cope in mainstream school and we are all in agreement that home ed is the best thing for him.

Our almost 6 year old absolutely thrived in Reception last year academically and socially. She's very attached to me and would love to stay with me, but also enjoys school.

However, now she knows her brother is staying at home all day, she is miserable about going back to school. She's loved meeting up with other home ed kids over the summer and is in tears about school starting again.

I feel like she is only little once and I am at home anyway, so why not home educate her too? I'm sure she would continue doing really well academically with 1:1 attention (both kids very bright/academic).

DH feels like school should be the default and there is no real reason to keep her home. Plus as siblings they often bicker and fight and DS will suffer not getting 100% of my attention.

AIBU? So unsure about what to do for the best.

1. Doesn't mean that those who can't afford it shouldn't do it.
2. I don't know of a single home educating parent who would endeavour to teach a whole curriculum themselves; most seek input from various additional sources.
3. School is not the only place for children to develop social skills. My son is home educated and I've barely seen him today - he's been off playing with the neighbourhood kids.

Did you even read the post?

OP your daughter has obviously seen the huge joy/benefit of home ed groups through the summer and sees what she’s missing.
She may thrive at school but who could blame a young child from wanting to live that life with her own mum and sibling? To live and learn together as a family.

In my mind as a home ed parent, despite the ND of your son, it will be hard to exclude one child from that.

Having taught nearly every year group at primary for several years, I’m afraid the idea that year 3&4 children only do a couple of hours of ‘hard graft’ a day is nonsense. The curriculum has become over stuffed with content for every subject and the latest Ofsted subject reports show a preference for an ever more secondary style education at primary.
I know this isn’t the point of the thread, but just felt I had to clarify.

Send her to school. He needs the 1 in 1 and she needs a separate life to him.

There are so many misconceptions in these points I hardly know where to begin. Such classic misconceptions about home educating, especially about socialisation and the idea of ‘teaching’.

But in a nutshell, my home educated children are very socialised. They don’t spend all day everyday with the same children of the same age. They socialise with a wide variety of different people all all ages and backgrounds week in week out plus have deeper connections with their best friends me siblings.

Most home ed parents don’t teach. They facilitate learning. My children self direct most of their learning and my role is to facilitate that not deliver a curriculum.

Most families aren’t set up for one parent to be exclusively focused on education. Most can’t afford it.

Those who can shouldn't be criticised for making the choice. Some home educating parents also work as well as home educating and are successful in holding down both roles.

Most parents aren’t qualified to teach a whole curriculum.

I'm not qualified to teach anything yet my children have had excellent educations and my eldest is applying to read history at Oxford University.

The majority of children need to develop social skills that prepare them for adulthood and work.

I have no idea why so many think that schooling is a pre-requisite for social ability and skills required for the workforce. My eldest has settled into the social side of college really well and has a great group of friends & my youngest plays cricket and represents the county at it. Neither of them have been any way harmed socially by not being in school.

I know people say this a lot about home ed, and to be honest it really confuses me.

I accept the teacher input is probably a lot quicker with only one child, but that isn't the bulk of the lesson. Often there will be a starter task looking back at previous knowledge, etc- which is important because it helps long term recall. This will mostly be done independently, and then the teacher will usually go through it quickly. Then, there's likely to be a short input, where the teacher will explain the topic and e.g. a new skill. The class will likely work through some worked examples together (this is the bit I think is probably quicker with home ed).

After this, most teachers will check for understanding e.g. by practice with mini whiteboards etc. Then, it's likely most of the class will move on to independent practice- often with extension questions for those who finish quickly. The teacher will likely circulate and help students who are finding it a bit more challenging.

If you're condensing that into 20 minutes, there's no way the child is getting the same level of practice at the skill, and likely not being extended in the same way.

Practice, and practice in different contexts, is really important for making knowledge stick. Most children, if you show them something one on one, they can do a very similar example for you straight away afterwards. That doesn't mean they've mastered the skill. To remember it, some repetition is needed, and then they need the chance to apply the skill in different contexts- and that's what the bulk of most maths lessons will be. It won't be 60 minutes mostly led by the teacher, which I agree is slower 1:30 than 1:1.

The practice is usually what makes the skills stick.

It's also an issue that if you're never working for more than 20 minutes at a time, a 2 hour exam paper is very long!

It's obviously a long way off, into the future, but if you want your children to do GCSEs, at some point they will need to do full length lessons.

It feels like you've decided you enjoy home Ed. as a concept, but if you plan to home Ed. your children to GCSE, then I think you do need to think about how it'll work when they are older. Will you have money to pay tutors? How many GCSEs will you want them to sit, and when? Is the aim for your son to eventually go to college? What about your daughter?

But ultimately the cramming for SATS in primary school is irrelevant. My kids didn't do them & didn't cover the entire primary curriculum but have gone on to do GCSEs and my son is currently applying for University, funnily enough no one has ever asked about his SATs results!

@picturethispatsy

1. Doesn't mean that those who can't afford it shouldn't do it.

No of course and I didn't say it should. But you and others have argued that home schooling should be the default. Default means if followed to its logical conclusion that there would be no provision of basic, free education other than by the parents. That's a very dangerous road to go down.

I can't educate my child at home and wouldn't want to. And honestly most parents don't have the intellectual equipment, the training, the financial means, the patience or the setup for home ed. State education is challenged enough without having people who are affluent and well set up to educate their kids at home arguing that this should be the default.

Of course there are plenty of kids who thrive under HE and those who wish to do it and can do it properly should be supported in their choice. But arguing that its the best choice for the majority of children is not only damaging to those large numbers of children who benefit from being in a large social setting, it further weakens the case that those children who do go to school should be properly provided for by the state. So thanks all the same but we'll keep the basic educational provision.

And it’s largely Mummy giving up work to home-ed and thus the gender pay gap increases. People pretend dads give up work too, but it is usually the woman who stays home and yet again an intelligent and educated woman leaves the workforce.

Home education is the default as you apply for a state school place. Some people decide to home educate from the start and just don’t apply for a school
place.

1. Many parents work around this, either sharing the role or educating at different times (you do not have to stick to school times 9-3). It does not have to expensive and most families are happy to adjust family budgets to accommodate home education.
2. You don’t need to be a qualified teacher to home educate, you can use tutors, co-ops/sharing expertise/resources and you do not have to follow a set curriculum or pedagogy.
3. Most home educated children have advanced social skills as they are able to relate to adults and children of all ages, as this is the very nature of most home educated groups and meet ups. It is wonderful to watch older children sharing and interacting with the younger ones, especially when they are playing games or on an educational visit.

Classroom management is certainly a big part, but not the ‘main’ part.

Unless you are a teacher, how would you know what the ‘main’ part is? Tell you what, you tell me what your profession is, and I’ll tell you all about it, shall I?

The main part is knowing how children learn, what barriers may be in place to learning, what understanding of skills and concepts are pre-requisite, how to identify and address misconceptions, how to use questioning to facilitate progress, how to point out mistakes without affecting self esteem, how to explain in a different way, how to teach children with working memory issues, or Dyslexia, or Dyspraxia, or ASD…

As I said, for some children schools do not work, mainly if there are unmet special needs.

My profession is a home educator, and guess what - you are telling me about it!

@AppleWax

Home education is the default as you apply for a state school place. Some people decide to home educate from the start and just don’t apply for a school
place.

That's a bit specious. Technically its the "default" in that you have to actively apply for a place. But it's not the case that most parents don't have to send their kids to school. Unless you can satisfy the LA that you are providing HE you will be chased to send your kids to school if you don't apply for a place.

Why shouldn't she be given the social and academic opportunities that home education provides?

But it is the default, because you have to apply for school. Home education is the default, that's just factually correct.

Call yourself what you like, but unless you’ve got QTS, you’re not a teacher.

Coming from a teacher as a parent background and with one child (DB) who was off a lot due to chronic asthma my DM considered home educating one or both of us. It’s really hard though, well was back then and though resources are better now I’d only do it for one child and review if necessary at half term with your DD. Of course she wants to be at home with her DB but I’m sure she’ll change her mind once she returns to school.

The main part is knowing how children learn, what barriers may be in place to learning, what understanding of skills and concepts are pre-requisite, how to identify and address misconceptions, how to use questioning to facilitate progress, how to point out mistakes without affecting self esteem, how to explain in a different way, how to teach children with working memory issues, or Dyslexia, or Dyspraxia, or ASD…

Unfortunately it is the lack of skilled teachers in schools that led me to home educate in the first place.

They had no interested or inclination in meeting my children's learning needs.

My kids were made to feel stupid in primary school who had no interest in discovering why they were not progressing. Because they could read dyslexia was ruled out.

They both had undiagnosed ASD and dyslexia, the senco had no interest and said I just had to accept that not all children can be bright.

DS is now applying for Oxford.

It’s interesting that you aren’t willing to change your working hours because it will in theory mean less flexibility to be able to take your DS out places - meanwhile your DD isn’t getting much quality 1 on 1 time with you because she’s at school and you work all weekend. She sounds jealous poor little thing and with good reason - no wonder she’s clingy!

lifeturnsonadime I appreciate that all children have different needs and I also know a great deal about girls and ASD etc. etc.... however, I also have two examples in front of me and many more of friends with one ND (very different presentations) and one NT child, where it is terribly important especially for a younger NT child to have an independent life away from their ND sibling.

I never said I was, and I don't want to be. Home educating is not teaching. I don't need to know how all children learn - I need to know how my child learns. I don't need to know what barriers are in place to learning for all children - I need to know what barriers are in place for my child. I need to know how to address misconceptions, mistakes, self-esteem and questions in a way that works for my child. As his parent, no one is better placed to do that for him individually than I am. He is academically miles ahead of his schooled peers (as confirmed by qualified teachers, as you seem to value their judgement more than mine!).

Actually you’ll find I said ‘why should school always be the default’ NOT that home education should always be the default. And that was in response to posters above saying that school is always the best place for all children.

Of course I’m going to counter that opinion. I also stand by statement that school is a social experiment and that home education is not.

As it happens I don’t think everyone should home educate as our society is not set up for it. This obviously leads into another discussion about the workplace, gender roles, modern living etc. I do think school serves a huge purpose.

But in the case of the OP she’s obviously already set up for HE. What I object to is those overused misconceptions that HE equates to being locked away and never socialising and that you need to be able to teach to do it.

This too! My son's reception teacher couldn't even use a comma correctly.