to pull my 6 year old out of school just because she wants to be home educated?

[HomeEduDilemma]

Me and DH are not in agreement over this and I am feeling really stuck about it!

Our 9 year old (autistic) came out of school last year and is now home educated. He couldn't cope in mainstream school and we are all in agreement that home ed is the best thing for him.

Our almost 6 year old absolutely thrived in Reception last year academically and socially. She's very attached to me and would love to stay with me, but also enjoys school.

However, now she knows her brother is staying at home all day, she is miserable about going back to school. She's loved meeting up with other home ed kids over the summer and is in tears about school starting again.

I feel like she is only little once and I am at home anyway, so why not home educate her too? I'm sure she would continue doing really well academically with 1:1 attention (both kids very bright/academic).

DH feels like school should be the default and there is no real reason to keep her home. Plus as siblings they often bicker and fight and DS will suffer not getting 100% of my attention.

AIBU? So unsure about what to do for the best.

No, Thesearmsofmine, everyone knows that home educated children are kept in locked basements with no social interaction. Mine don't even know what daylight is.

You've been brainwashed into believing that it is necessary to go to school for a child to learn these things.

This is a classic 🙄 haven’t we moved on from this attitude yet? Such nonsense.

This is nonsense. An autistic child being home educated because they weren't thriving in mainstream school is no indication that they won't live independently as adults, at all. It's more an indictment of our factory-farming model of mass schooling, which is unsuitable for many children for many reasons, and really doesn't provide adequate preparation for adult life in the 21st century workforce at all.

If you can I'd Home Ed her for a few years. I'd be worried she would feel her brother was the favourite if I didn't. If she's very social she might want to go back later.
Most siblings squabble, it's fine. And it's good that sometimes one of them has to go to something the other needs, and they have to wait and occupy themselves, good training for adult life.

Well you finding someone to mond DS a day a week and having a day at the weekend to spend with her would be good.

@HomeEduDilemma

you can’t get that much done in 15-20 mins OP, not even one to one. You will need to increase it if GCSE’s are the eventual goal

She's not even 6 yet so we have a very long time before considering GCSEs

I said it loads of pages back, but I think it’s worth repeating- treating children fairly doesn’t always mean giving them the same.

If your daughter is doing well at a good school, it’s (in my opinion) where she should be.

This is definitely what my heart says.

Yes, this jumped out at me too.

You absolutely can. My Y4 child is doing Y6 maths, and we got there using 15-20 minute lessons.

Exams are a long way off.

@HomeEduDilemma

were you home educated OP?

It's not as easy as just changing my work hours and having a little less flexibility. I'd have to find a new job, and the reality would be if I worked in the week we'd have less money and DS would get less adult input and fewer experiences.
Being completely responsible for a child's education is a big commitment and I want to ensure my DS has social opportunities, lots of outdoor and physical activity and trips/workshops where he is also taught by other adults and in a group with other children. I'm not sure that cutting back on those opportunities and leaving him to his own devices or occupied by a screen more is such a good choice either.

Usually people on here are very critical of home educators who don't provide a full time, full on educational experience. I think if I'd posted to say I'd removed my 9 year old from school and he reads to himself, watches a lot of youtube and does a bit of online learning independently while my husband and I work, and we then fit in some 1:1 education in the evenings and on weekends, I'd have been ripped to shreds.

Op i dont home school my kids, but i can absolutely see the point that if done well and with the support of a strong h.e community, it can be enriching for both child and parent (at primary school at least!). I think your home schooling approach sounds fantastic and really well rounded, and that you could give your child important things that school couldn't (more freedom, more focused attention, great hands on learning experiences and not sucking the love of learning away!!)

On balance though, I'd also give your daughter till half term at school to make your choice. If her heart is still at home with you at thay point and you still feel like up to it, then i would go for it. I say wait though and try school for a bit longer mostly because, as you say, once you give up the place at school it may be hard to get it back.

Ok if you say so 3 family members and 20 years working with various age children on the spectrum has obviously taught me nothing nor has supporting families dealing with the mental health issues their children are coping with including agoraphobia, social isolation and worse.

I don't see what that has to do with anything, unless you take the view that someone having been to school is qualified to assess that on that basis school is not a suitable environment for their child.

You will have home edders say home Ed and school users say school is best. On this topic people usually have an opinion on the type of education rather than the individual child.

I'm a home edder. I send one child to school because the needs of the other are so significant I can't educate both appropriately. The school child doesn't like it and im very guilty over it. But you do really need to have the time for them at 6 you won't need more than an hour a day 1:1 for the 6 year old if you include learning in your day generally so I'd keep them off and reconsider each year. If you follow the national curriculum you can change your mind easily enough and tbh I followed the NC and my previously home Ed child now school child is doing amazing at school accademically and moans she gets so little teacher time and doesn't like how they learn so when so young it's not hard to do it in my opinion. When you see the price of GCSEs exams and tutors etc you may feel senior school is the best choice! I am also stuck at home as my SEN child does not cope well with outings so I worry about the impact on my other child if she couldn't get social interaction but sounds like that's not your situation.

Write a list of pros and cons for your husband. It's a shared child should be a shared decision. But if it's you who does the daily childcare and education there is something to be said you may know a bit better what would be best for the child. But your husband is still the father you don't want a rift.

I assume because you have done home Ed meet ups you have found local fb groups and all that stuff maybe ask on there but I bet you get very bias advice!!

I understand your concerns OP but this is a good time to explain to your 6 year old that treating her and her brother equally does not mean them getting exactly the same things, it's about doing what's best for each of them. They are different people and their needs are different and what is best for each of them is different.

I suspect there's a good chance that once she goes back to school and is enjoying time with friends and gets invited to a few parties she'll get over her current wish to be home educated. My DD is the same age and loves school and isn't keen to go back, but I know once she's there she'll love it! Just like she didn't want to come home from holiday, but when she did she was happy to be home and similarly she didn't want to go on holiday but when she did she loved it!

I know that people can home educate and children do very well academically, my concern would be about the socialisation. I know a lot of children homeschooled because school was stressful for them (for various reasons) but you say your DD is enjoying the social side of it, so that's a totally different situation - she'd be giving up positive rather than negative experiences. I think it would be very hard to replicate the positive aspects of socialisation in school at home.

My observation is that year 1-2 is a particularly important time in terms of understanding how friendship works and dealing with conflict and compromise in larger groups and understanding group dynamics (indeed there have been observations in my DDs school that children who missed part of this experience due to covid have been badly affected in terms of their ability to relate to each other). If children can thrive in a school environment I really think these skills are so beneficial for their future.

I'd do as others have suggested and give it another half term at least before making a decision.

When you write “I am at home anyway, so why not home educate her too? “ what do you mean by that? Is it that you have some hours free every weekday with nothing exact to do?

I mean I don't work Monday-Friday.

jannier I agree with you. A child with ASD can change very dramatically during the teen years (I've witnessed this a number of times, including in my own family) and if they are struggling to cope in primary it is probably more likely to be the case that they won't magically cope with similar challenges in the real world out of and post school, despite the home schooling.

If you’re working in paid work after homeschooling I want to add do think of yourself. If you get a rest (a short break) during part of the day you might not get this if home schooling the two. You might already have cleaning help and food shopping delivery organised.

From the way you write you are obviously academically ahead of most people too (including most teachers) so it's not surprising your child follows suit.. I'm not sure that proves anything about home ed, more that children of intelligent and supportive parents are likely to do well

To be fair the main reason most children need to be educated at school is because most parents are not equipped to educate them due to their own lack of education/academic ability/motivation, and/or they need children in school to be able to work.

HE is only ever going to be suitable for an elite and privileged section of society. The average reading age of a UK adult is 12 - that is not enough to ensure a decent education for a child. If it works for you that's great (and your children are very lucky to have that opportunity to avoid the spirit breaking, time wasting school experience) but it's never going to be the best option for most families.