AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

🙄Riiiight... so you would work as hard for your employer if you didn't get paid?

Anyway, OP I think it's a great idea and there's nothing wrong with this. No teenager (that I know) is "intrinsically motivated" 🙄🙄🙄

I think we are motivated by emotional rewards ultimately so you really have to tap into those. Money is just money, what emotional reward it represents depends on the person and moment in time. Interesting discussion!

Ds(19) suggested that for his exams and was told a big fat no.

I asked him he if he was doing the exams for himself, to show what he is capable of and for his future or just for me? Obviously it is for himself so why should I pay him for it?

Imo it is devaluing the actual importance of their success, and damaging to their future hopes and aspirations, to monitise it.

Agree with MrsBennett entirely.

I don’t like the message it sends either would never do it myself and would internally judge anyone that did - though would not say anything just think it.

Primary school level psychology and a sneering attitude all in one post 😂

@HungryandIknowit intrinsic motivation is more powerful than extrinsic

It's about really wanting something yourself, rather than doing it for someone else or for an external reward / validation

Re exams, I would encourage a child to think of the (intrinsic) satisfaction of achieving their potential, rather than the (extrinsic) reward for grades

Another example would be, if two alcoholic parents can only get their children back from foster care if they stop drinking. A understands the issues / concerns and is highly motivated to nake changes. B attends groups cos they think it's what social work want them to do. A is far more likely to succeed

I don’t see a problem with it.

My dd isn’t there yet but Iv already offered her £100 for every set she can go up and then £300 if she ever gets up to the next level again.

We have also said we will be going to Disneyworld after her GCSEs as a reward.

My parents did it for me - £50 for an A, £30 for a B and £10 for a C (it was 15 years ago so similar to your amounts really).

I was really struggling with my mental health and came very close to not sitting the exams at all. It gave me motivation to go in and actually sit down. I didn't do as well as I could have but I got grades and got onto the course I wanted which is all my parents wanted from me.

I spent the money on a box set of stargate SG1 and watched it with my mother one episode a night through my first year of college and we really bonded during that time.

Some kids can find their own motivation but some need an extra helping push and use whatever works best for them.

Well...I remember clearly being intrinsically motivated and I see the same in my DD (15). I wanted to feel I had done the best I was able to, for myself. But we are all different. OP is doing well to consider different options.

Intrinsic motivation can often come after the fact though? Many dc don't know why they are doing these big exams and it's only on results day that the reality of their importance shows.

We didn't do this for our DCS at gcse or A level, I know that some do. I think my message to them both was these results belong to you. They are not ours to reward, you efforts will affect future outcomes and owning it it's important

I don’t think it’s any of your sisters business but we reward on effort not results in our family as it’s effort that we value the most

My parents did this with me and I know it’s not that unusual. The daft thing is I was very diligent and I don’t think it made any difference

I think it’s fine for kids that need a bit of a push, I know my dh would disagree

if you do l, I’d encourage your dc to keep it to themselves. Def not sIL’s business.

Op I would use whatever I needed too to get them through.

But a tutor maybe better money spent?

I didn’t. My kids finished school with top grades. My son was lazy but we had conversations about why results matter, and how he would feel if he did worse than others due to laziness. He got his act together and managed to get all 9s in his GCSEs and As and A stars at A Level in the end. He learned that he needed to work hard to achieve his potential.

I didn’t want to bribe him and teach him that things are only worth doing for lots of money. I didn’t want him turning into a young person who turns down work because they think they are above low-paid work as they start their careers.

I disagree with financial incentives for academic results. My other child has just got all A stars and is off to an amazing university. I bought her a small gift and took her out for dinner that night. But that is different to a bribe and her results have given her more joy than a set bribe ever would.

All the teenagers I know are intrinsically motivated and achieve highly. Different types of people.

Suppose she misses a grade through sheer bad luck, e.g she's feeling unwell that day, the teacher missed something off the syllabus? Do you double the. bad luck by withholding the reward?

If you had, say, one able child who could get those grades without trying, and one who worked their socks off and wasn't going to get anything like that, e.g. due to dyslexia, would you operate the same system for both children?

I would never do this.

-I personally prioritise emotional reward over money in my life.
-I wanted my children to be intrinsically motivated not extrinsically motivated.

I always gave a small reward for good effort scores on reports but would never give a results-based reward.

Never did it for ours.

The conversation of "it's ultimately down to you to put the work in, we can't make you, but it's you making your future harder if you don't" was had.

Exams all passed and they are doing fine.

Where does it end? A grand for every A Level, £10k to pass your degree.

If you imagine a small child bringing you a drawing they have done, most adults would say something like “that’s a lovely picture” or “wonderful” etc. Over time you teach them to draw how you like them to.

If you ask them what they like about the picture, or what they might do differently next time they learn that their own assessment of it is all that matters.

(this is particularly important for teens who will seek peer approval over parental. Enduring they are assured of their own worth rather than being valued by what others think of them bodes better for the future when risky behaviours, drugs etc start happening around them.)

I also recommend Drive by Daniel Pink.

I'm not keen on the reward for grades method because I think the grade is the reward. It is the currency needed for entry to next step and cvs and the knowledge/skills to build on.

If she isnt motivated to put effort in without financial reward, then i think rewarding effort rather than results makes more sense as there isnt a direct correlation between effort and result and what you are aiming for is for her to have tried her best. For instance my son put the most effort into his lowest grade as it was an area of difficulty for him. It is also the grade with the most 'currency' as its an entry requirement for every qualification and most jobs. So getting a 6 in this had significantly more value than the 9 in his filler subject.

I dont actually agree work is rewarded on a results basis all the time either. Ive never had a bonus ststem and get paid when i cock up or pursue a dead end as well as when i do brilliant things. But the reward for employment is pay. The reward for study is qualifications.

However the pay per grade think is really common and easy to understand.

I can understand bribery as an act of desperation if everything else has failed. But I think the battle is probably long lost by that stage.

Thought about doing this a year ago, since DS appeared to be taking it fairly easy. But we decided to reward effort instead and gave him £250 after GCSEs finished to help pay for the stuff he had on this summer, eg going to a festival. Glad we took that approach, since we’d have paid out £1650 yesterday on your system (and we don’t have it to hand!)

We’re pretty surprised by the results but I think DS did well because he felt under less pressure. All he had to do was meet the grades for sixth form. Under your system, if he had not done so well as he did, not only would he have missed the grades, he’d have lost the money too.

Academic “laziness” is often an emotionally driven phenomenon. Issues with self esteem, image, friendships and anxiety all play a role. Financial incentives won’t fix the underlying issue and could even make it worse

Agree with this. Assume you will pay similar for A levels? And then at Uni, how will they be motivated?

Children are still developing their brains and lack of effort at this stage might be more complex than a monetary reward which needs addressing now. You mention they are at a selective school so they will already have motivation to keep up with their class.

I've told my dd she will get £100 for every A she gets