AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

Because good grades are for her benefit not yours! It is like paying her to brush her teeth . You are undermining intrinsic motivation and taking ownership

My parents did this for my 2 older sisters. They got divorced the year of my gcses so imagine my shock and dismay when I presented my pretty good results to be told well done there's no money for you! :( if you do it for your dd please ensure you put enough away to do it for all younger siblings- I'm still bitter at 37!!

Daughter got her results yesterday. All 7's and above.

We celebrated by getting a takeaway meal.

Genuine question: how do you teach someone intrinsic motivation?

So she could get nearly £2000 with all grade 9s?
That seems a lot to give a teenager. I suppose if you can afford it, it’s nice, but will they expect similar at a level? Degree?
I treated my kids after their exams but as a reward for effort and commitment. Particularly as one is far more academic than the other I don’t want to set benchmarks for grades achieved. The grades themselves are the real reward though. And the pride they feel themselves in getting them.

I sort of did this with dd (now 19)

very similar in that you increased for certain subjects. But I based it on effort. Dd struggled in French but loved Spanish. So I didn’t reward them the same,

I always look at how to reward effort. Not outcome. Outcome doesn’t always reflect effort and I think effort is more important

The only reason I wouldn’t is because of the added pressure it places on your dc. But if it works for you, then I wouldn’t take any notice of what others think.

If it encourages them to buck up , go for it .

im not at all above bribery in my parenting

my daughter is the same age , going into year 11

(well that’s if I can get her through the bloody door , she’s already announced that she’s not going 🤪)

she got all 3and 4 on her mocks , so I can imagine the next year will be along battle and a lot of Prayer on my side to get those five magic passes

we all work for money . Every single one of us .

This seems like one of those things that is child dependant, so is none of your SILs business.

I didn't put rewards on grades for my child as she puts a lot of pressure on herself already and would have been trying her best anyway because she had already made herself stressed about having to get the best grades she could.
So for her she needed me to be chill about it, let her know that I know how important the grades are for her and that I am so proud of her whatever she gets. If anything I caused distractions (nice ones) to protect her mental health, potentially at the expense of her grades. Although probably not as she was not doing effective study when she was that stressed and wound up.

Your daughter sounds like the motivation helped as grades were not her main motivation and thats fine. Not everyone is motivated by grades and the promise of more harder work at continually difficult institutions if they do well.
Sou ds like you did what you needed to help your daughter get the best grades she could.

As long as you were not presenting her this money at results day in front of other kids, then it really is nobody elses business.

And there's some merit in pacing yourself and doing the bare minimum necessary to achieve your rewards. Stops burnout.

I agree with @MrsBennetsPoorNerves

We praised DS for his efforts in the exams, rather than results

If a child takes exams seriously and achieves their potential, that's a great achievement

Tbh I think everyone is different. If you have ADHD for example, many will need the literal promise of a dopamine hit to get them moving. A bribe, if you will.

Just because a teen is motivated by cash at an age where their brain etc is still developing doesn't mean anything. Lots of adults work harder in jobs with bonuses etc because they are motivated by the extra cash than just for the enjoyment of a job well done.

It has set her up to fail really, and without you there she is going to find day to day living really hard because you haven’t taught her intrinsic motivation.

I think motivation is a tricky thing - we’re all motivated differently. My DS is a planner - he has a clear link between effort and outcome and he’ll work for whatever that outcome is eg better grades, working to earn money to save for what he wants. He’s 10 but this has always been part of his make up. Financial reward for good grades would be very motivating for him.

My DD doesn’t have that at all - if she doesn’t want to do something and no interest in it money certainly wouldn’t change that, there are other strategies I’d need to try with her.

In the name of fairness I’d give them the same reward eg x amount per exam pass - but it wouldn’t motivate my DD to work in the way it would my DS.

I wouldn't either. There's a clear financial incentive to do well at school anyway. Where do you stop? Presumably this will be expected for a levels, how about degree?

It sends a message she is doing this for you but she's not is she? It's for herself. You are setting her up badly for later life. You need to motivate a work ethic, not just a results oriented way of thinking.

I think she needs to want to get the grades and to want to work for them. On her own. It may not suit other people's timetable or aspirations for her but I would let her motivate herself.

I'm not sure you're doing her any favours.

(When I worked hard at school, which I did, it was for me. I felt it would help secure my future and give me choices. I now feel convinced I would have got the same grades with or without money being offered, it just never came into it for me)

Just my thoughts

What's wrong with just getting 7's though? If it's just gcse grades getting 7's won't stop her getting onto her A level course? University's look at the A level grades.

😂 bloody hell. Thanks for that.

This is interesting. I am like your DD! I suppose OP knows best what would be helpful for her child. All the best OP.

Absolutely. No different to how bonuses at work would apply- you don't get rewarded for trying hard in the real world; you get rewarded for results.

Yeah that one made me laugh as well 🤣
You naughty mummy!!!

You should read Drive by Michael Pink. Talks about how motivation works, and how people did LESS well in their exams when there was a financial reward for grades.

Agree with some of the PP. You are not being unreasonable because it is your choice how to parent your own child however if you want to find a way to encourage independent study skills and set your child up for future academic success, extrinsic reward ,in my experience, will not work. Unless your child values the academic success, and the intrinsic value, of great exam results, she will not work for them. Creating an environment where she is supported to study and offering lots of praise (and the odd treat) for working hard and encouraging her to see the importance of learning , and the opportunities those good exam results can offer, would be far more effective than chucking money at the issue.

@BlackBean2023 I have done similar, although more of a performance bonus - £500 for getting through secondary school without a detention. So far, DC has completed three of five years. For me, it’s more about getting their head down, not being disruptive and always completing homework on time and to a good standard. If necessary, and as a revision motivator, I’ll increase the reward to include exam grades but waiting to see how they approach Y10 and Y11 first. You know your child, and if your approach sits comfortably with you, then that is all that matters.

If she pulls it out of the bag and gets all 9s are you really going to hand her two grand? That seems a lot of money to me.

I had two kids yesterday who got grades 5 grades higher than their last mock, which was only in March. She could make huge improvements in a year so make sure you factor that into your calculations.

I’ve known the odd teenager who had parents set up this sort of financial incentive but I’ve never seen anyone offering those sorts of figures. I’m not a fan of the idea (or rewards for academic attainment in general), as I think kids need to learn to value education for its own sake if they are going to sustain good habits into A Level and University. I also think todays teenagers are too obsessed with grade 9s as it is.

Mental health in year 11s was shocking this year. Academic “laziness” is often an emotionally driven phenomenon. Issues with self esteem, image, friendships and anxiety all play a role. Financial incentives won’t fix the underlying issue and could even make it worse.

My parents did similar for me but at cut rates (£50 for A*, £40 for an A and £20 for a B, nothing for a C or below - this was 15 years ago though)! Did it motivate me? No, because I’m lazy. Did I buy myself a brand new top of the range iPod touch with the money? Absolutely 😁