AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

No I don't think most parents give incentives for high grades. I think by the age of 16, most children do not need monetary awards for achieving as they are mature enough to realise that it will benefit them in the future. It would benefit your children if you focus making them realise that rather than what financial incentive you're going to give. Also hard work doesn't always mean high grades unfortunately.

But GCSEs are what universities will look at when deciding whether to make an offer

This has been and gone get over it!

Just because you can afford it and just because it might ‘work’ doesn’t mean it’s not damaging to their self-worth.
I disagree. I found it did my ds' feeling of self worth the world of good.
I said in an earlier post the ds was the class clown. When we have talked about it a few years after he finished school he realised that by being the joker was a deflection tactic and he wanted approval of his peers.

He enjoyed the carrot of the cash dangling in front of him and it spurred him on. He suprised himself at how well he could do and how far he could go when he put his mind to it.

It's only later, as he gained maturity, he appreciates education and learning without the need to be externally rewarded. However our dangling carrot made him get the grades he needed to get him into the career he wanted.
Every child and every family functions different and we did what we needed to do to support DS. Everyone else needs to do what works for them.

My DD has just done the equivalent of GCSE’s (we’re not in England). We tried to give her a reward but she looked at us like we were mad as to her the ‘reward’ is the grades that she got. This is just how her mind works - she’s very focused (and also very clever!) Our younger child is also very clever but not so focused (aka lazy 🤣) so we might need to add a bit of an incentive when it’s their turn to be sitting exams. It’s up to each individual what they do and is literally no one else’s business! Good luck to your DD this coming year OP 😊

Some of the parents of the primary children I teach offer cash rewards. I think it's horrible. One little boy cries every week if he doesn't get full marks in his spelling test to earn £2 to spend in the shop on the way home. I've seen '£1 for every goal' and other incentives too. I don't see any of them working harder, just more pressure and sad when they don't achieve it. If they've worked hard but failed anyway it seems particularly cruel.

Wow that seems particularly harsh parenting...!

I'm sure the best way of learning spelling is just by tons of reading, anyway. Which is fun for the kid.

Anyway I maintain that the main problem is that it teaches kids that short term money-earning is the main goal.

Kids can earn £100 in just one weekend of neighbourhood odd jobs, why would they revise hours and hours to boost their GCSE grade?

It's a really bad message because it could drive kids to do cash in hand errands.

I had some friends in my teens who used to carry weed and cocaine across town for relatively tiny amounts of the drug or petty cash. I was so worried for them because if they'd got caught it would have affected the rest of their lives, amd all for £10 or whatever (I didn't grow up in the uk, but a place very strict on drugs).

Whereas if you teach kids the message: study hard and you'll have a more affluent life in the long term, that's a much better message.

sure whatever maybe you’re just far superior and you and your kids frontal lobes come out fully formed and ready to go from birth. I wasn’t saying to treat them like toddlers but expecting them to act like fully formed adults and make fully formed adult choices while their decision making equipment is still in development isn’t fair. Plus it’s not like cash isn’t used as incentives in the adult world so let’s not hold kids to a higher standard than we hold ourselves.

PRIMARY AGE?! 😳😳😳

Plus it’s not like cash isn’t used as incentives in the adult world so let’s not hold kids to a higher standard than we hold ourselves.

Adults don’t get a cash incentives for a lot of chores.

Looking after children as a SAHP is not about money, caring for elderly parents or even neighbours is not a cash incentive. Clean your home - no cash to be made there. There are lots of jobs that don’t pay well.

Plus it’s not like cash isn’t used as incentives in the adult world

The distinction I was making was short term cash earning and long term affluence.

For example in the workplace (say) there's an option to do some extra training... you're not getting £200 for that instantly. But there's a chance they'll consider you for that promotion, or it provides extra experience for you to apply for a better job elsewhere - that could earn you 10,000s down the line.

Or attending a networking event - you won't get £50 for doing that. But you might meet a few people who you could contact later when you're looking for a new (better paying) job.

There are hardly any situations in the adult world where you get short term small cash incentives for doing self-development things. It's mostly playing the long game, seeing the long term benefits.