AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

First thoughts are that that is a lot of money!

But, if you can afford it, then 🤷‍♀️

Ds just got his GCSE results from a competitive selective school and hasn't asked for anything after receiving his 7-9 results.

He was highly motivated to do well himself and a reward doesn't seem to have crossed his mind!

We are going to give him some money, but it'll be something around £250 in total, rather than the £1400 he could have got from you!

An adult is incentivised at work with bonuses and raises for performance, sportsman are paid for winning matches etc but kids should 'know better' and their reward should be good grades and they must be Happy with that! 🙄

My own dps did the same with me and I'm in my 40s so it's nothing new. That made me work much harder and I was very happy to be rewarded. My dc did the 7+ which was very tough for that age and did really well, he knew there was a reward for that. Does it really matter that he wanted the reward, because in doing so he realised his potential and worked probably harder than he knew he could. It's not a MN thing, I know plenty of people who do this.

We've got a very similar amount planned for our son (about to go into Y11) and his younger brother when the time comes. We did the same for their 11+ and they both got new PlayStations. I think a bit of financial incentive is a good idea and definitely works for our two.

A friend said to his DD that he would give her £5 per point.
She did very, very well.
Out of a possible £450 she's receiving £420

I thought that was a good way to reward and motivate them.

I say go for it. You know your child and how best to motivate them.

In the real world we are often rewarded for success with money. It is a huge motivator for many/most of us - it is one of the main reasons we go to work. Many jobs (including mine) offer financial bonuses as an incentive for specific achievements. Whenever the going gets tough and dc wants to give up she can think about the money and move through the block.

Most kids are able to fit their expectations to the real world as they mature. Some people give their kids an incentive to complete household tasks for money, but those same kids don't grow up only doing housework if they are given money. By that point they've grown used to completing chores and have grown into adult brains that temper their expectations. This incentive won't necessarily spoil the child. In fact, it might give them more of a sense of responsibility and drive.

Speaking for myself, I have always been very motivated by money because I come from a very poor background. I started working at 15 while still at school as I wanted to help my mother. I have 3 degrees (including PhD) which I was motivated to achieve because I wanted to be able to earn more but also because I loved the subject I studied. I give a lot of my money away to impoverished family members - I am not as wealthy as I may sound, but I am now fairly comfortable.

I know this is different to your situation, but I support you in this. In fact I have made a similar offer to a close relative - with their parent's consent.

But again people are not motivated by pay. This is not armchair psychology, it is widely recognised. People can be demotivated by a lack of proper pay, by feeling they are not getting what they are worth, but that is not the same thing.

Also people are paid because they have entered a contract and are being paid for services. Students working for their exams are not providing anybody with a service, they are literally doing it for themselves. So this is not the same thing and yes they really should be happy with the result.

Surely they want to do well anyway and it's not about the money?

Surely if you do well at work then you should be happy that you can do the job very well and that should be enough? 🙄

Your child your choice.

An adult is incentivised at work with bonuses and raises for performance, sportsman are paid for winning matches etc but kids should 'know better' and their reward should be good grades and they must be Happy with that!

As a SAHP when the kids were younger, I didn’t get a pay rise, I had a massive pay cut, I didn’t get any bonuses, or even tea breaks,

I was happy the kids hit their miles stones, I loved the joy in their faces when we saw something new, I loved giving them new experiences and facilitating friendships.

I had no financial motivation or reward.

I never offered them financial reward, that would have taken away the joy of their hard work and achievements.

Nor did I want their friends from pooper backgrounds to feel they weren’t good enough for financial reward based on parental finances.

@Aprilx but these are teens/kids who do not have that level of comparison or understanding as yet. So yes to them it is the money. And so what? If that motivates them to do better than they realised they could, how did they lose out?
I will use my own example. My dps did this especially during the big years. I pushed myself harder many times because yes I wanted the money. Sometimes I even surprised myself. Gave me a lot of confidence in what I could do. And somewhere along the line the money became the bonus to the reward of getting the good grades. But I wouldn't have probably realised my potential without an incentive in the first place.

My dad did this back in the day, but it was £10 for an A*! And they talk about grade inflation...😆

I didn't do this with my children, not least as one of mine sailed through with A* in absolutely everything, despite being pretty lazy, whereas the others had to work harder. It would have seemed unfair to me for the one who worked the least hard to be given the most money.

And just to add it didn't take away from the pleasure of doing well, it was just a bonus, and I don't feel it has had any negative impact on me!

Yes, of course and I’ve done lots of training both during and after working hours.
My point is that money definitely is one of the main motivations for doing so.

I got £20 for every A/A circa 2008. Not that I needed motivation as I had calculated for some subjects I could get away with like 30% in the final exam and still get an A. So I barely revised and still I ended up with 11As. Did I get ripped off?

Guess it's your choice. Only thing it they'll be motivated to do well more so, but what happens when they come to A levels and possible uni. They might have a bit less motivation if there's no financial reward at the end.

Oh Fgs wrt to the sahp comparison. Who do you expect to pay you?? I'm a sahp too and it's a bit cringe to compare that to someone who works and earns a salary.

Spot on

Well you do what you do. For me I wouldn’t. One of my kids is not motivated my money and the other is. The non motivated one is autistic. They are clever and no learning disability but not quite the tenuous side. They won’t engage with working at home and it’s all done in school. Will see how this next 2 years pan out as entering y10. For me personally I worked my backside off revising for 10 GCSEs and got A-c grades. Worked my backside off in a levels and got all Es. Factors included not being taught the correct syllabus and also looking back not really being taught in a way that worked for me - it was all turn to page 24 and make notes for each lesson and not much teaching. Financial reward based on grades would have really knocked me after the amount of work I put in. It wasn’t for lack of trying. My parents are with me daily and helped me by testing me on my notes a lot. But on the day for a levels it wasn’t the individual knowledge but the lack of being taught how to write an essay. I can see kids are taught that early doors these days though.

Looking st the news this year about grade boundaries though the financial incentive could be lower not due to lack of revision and down to moving grade boundaries.

I did with my DS for everyone he passed to encourage him to study. He didn't study but he passed them all, some with top grades.

I thought of it as a motivator and to have a treat. I didn't get money for passing mine because according to my DM they must have been easy if I passed them. My DF was delighted though and treated me to a Chinese.

If your child is going to do well, they will do well regardless of money etc. I know a young lad who grew up with a parent who financially struggled, he did fantastic in his GCSE’s and was very motivated, he got a job at 15, eventually went to university where he continued to support himself with a part-time job, he had no financial reward, his only motivation was to strive to do well.

the message is that you get (financially) rewarded for working hard and achieving high - that’s the premise in most work places with promotions or bonuses so I don’t really see the problem.

Bloody hell that’s an awful lot of money! I got nothing at all financial for my straight As! Each to their own though right if you think it’ll work do it.

She's your kid, you know her better than anyone else. Whatever incentive you offer her is your choice and should not be swayed by input or opinions of others. YANBU 💖

Hard work brings rewards! Absolutely nothing wrong with financial incentives. We started young when they were in P1, 10p for every correctly spelled word in their Friday spelling test. They got their £ every single week