AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

If you can afford it, why not? Not anyone else’s business - & if it works, great. For those saying don’t do it - would they go to work for free or work harder for the chance of a pay rise? Money is a huge motivator & if it works for you - great!

I think It's quite a good idea. But the amounts are far too large IMHO.

I think it's a great idea. I was very offered similar as a teen and you can bet I put in the work that I wouldn't have otherwise.

I don’t think this is particularly fair. If DD2 works as hard as/harder than DD1 but achieves 5/6s why should she get less if she has still achieved her full potential?

I don’t think it is your SIL business and “out of order” is an odd way of putting it, but essentially I think it is not good to do this. I think the amounts mentioned are insane, it may turn out to deliver a bad message to a sibling who fares better / worse and it is very well accepted in psychology that money is not a motivator anyway.

When you say selective school do you mean fee paying or just entrance exam?

I think it’s fine. I received a money incentive for mine and we began saving for driving lessons/a car for our kids from when they were born. They have a trust fund etc in their name which is their money but we have a ‘kids’ savings pot too - our money to spend on them. We decided to use that money and offer a decent incentive. (My daughter just received £1200 total - of which she knows she needs to put towards driving lessons and has already got her name down even though she’s not 17 for 4 months).

I was a straight A/A* kid but my daughter not so much would have probably failed a few if she wasn’t focused on this reward. She didn’t need passes for the next step in her education nor for any future career path so that thought wouldn’t motivate her like others. She struggles with exams is a more hands on learner - but I don’t care what people say GCSEs matter for the next couple years as it’s all employers/colleges can base decisions on. Yes mine don’t matter now they become irrelevant over time.

It motivated me, it motivated her. It’s not different to a salary bonus you get in many jobs so is relevant to real grown up world.

People that do it are going to agree with you and people that don’t are going to say it’s the worse I get very mixed signals but end of day my daughters sat their with 11 passes and the ones she could put the effort into are decent grades rather than scraping a pass.

Same rules will apply for my other children and A Levels etc too. You do you is what I say.

I've literally just done this for my son, he asked me. Alot lower amount though, £10 per 7 or up. It motivated him and he would have got the same results regardless I think.

Also I would have given him some money for working hard regardless of the results.

Not sure if I will do it with my younger son, he would probably find it stressful

We do something similar now with our younger children! They both got to choose something they would like and if their end of term report/ grades were good they got it. It helps to motivate them with their learning attitudes and they learn the value of hard work!
When the time comes we will be doing the same. Hard work = a reward. It's is teaching children that actions have consequences, whether they are good or bad!

Performance related bonus' are a real thing in the wider world! Parenting is all about preparing your children to be a functioning member of society, which includes teaching them how to deal with disappointment.

Ignore you Sil and do what works for you

It’s a terrible idea. Your child should want to do well for herself/ her future not for mummy’s handout. Why an earth is money also required? It’s all party if your DD learning to make good choices for herself, being self motivated and learning the value of hard work, which she especially needs if she’s a bit lazy. Also when does this stop? Are you going to offer this for A levels, her degree, or for getting a job? If you’re going to reward anything, reward hard work not pure results. What if she has a few bad exams, or just finds the exams more difficult than she expected despite working hard, and feels like she’s been hard done too as well as disappointed in herself?

On a practical level IMO this also just doesn’t work, if she’s not motivated this isn’t going to make a massive difference.

It has been established that offering extrinsic motivation actually erodes intrinsic motivation. However, I have a kid who is work shy and is motivated by rewards. I don't know what I'll do when the time comes.

I think the issue is that you're teaching her the value of money, not the value of success. Where will it end? When will she start motivating herself, rather than relying on a chunk of cash from her mum, in exchange for what she should be doing anyway? A Levels? Uni? Will you be employing her?

What impact has it had so far, if you made the deal last year? Are her mocks on track for 8s now, at least? Or is she going to get to the end of y11, cram revise for 4 weeks and then experience extreme financial reward, or a sense of loss for what she could've had, on results day?

I don't think expecting that amount of money at the end of GCSEs, and probably similar at the end of A Levels or Uni, will give her realistic expectations as she enters the world of work.

I think it's absolutely fine and good to reward hard work....like the real world 👍. My mum did the same with me and I think the amounts are fine too. My mum was single mum on min wage and gave me similar amounts 25 years ago, so I don't think it can be viewed as financially excessive. I used it to help fund part of travelling round Europe several years later 🎉👍

My parents gave me a financial incentive for my GCSEs but that was because I had a paper round so the deal was to give it up in exchange for studying but I wouldn’t be financially worse off.

I was offered a financial incentive at work - a considerable amount of money for specific achievements. So, why shouldn't you give your dc a taste of the real world? It also takes away a little bit of the pressure by introducing an element of gaming/fun.

Does that depend on when it’s begun though?
If a dc has intrinsic motivation until their GCSE’s will 2 years of extrinsic motivation knock that out?
I have 2 dc, as teens one would be both intrinsically and extrinsically motivated, enjoyed a challenge but liked the reward too if there was one.
The other teen lacked motivation most of the time regardless of encouragement or reward.

Up to you, but I'd be uncomfortable. It sends the message that you learn because you get paid to do so.

So you’d do training courses for work outside of your paid hours?

I agree with you. Dd3 is predicted to get 10 9s next year and an A in FMSQ and I couldn't afford a monetary reward but I know she'll do her best anyway. I'll probably buy her something and give it to her the day of her results - or the day before.
The results are a bit unpredictable any way ds in 2019 got 6 9s, 3 8s and a 6 ( he hated languages but the school policy was you had to take one). He was one or 2 marks off a 9 in 2 of them and 3 off a 7 in the other.
Many years earlier when dd1 took her Gcses we bought her an ipod as a reward (9 A*, 2 As) and we told dd2 she'd get the same the following year after her gcses (11 A*s).
Back in the dawn of time my parents bought me a large set of caran d'ache aquarelle pencils after my O levels- and I still have them. The gift was not attached to grades or number - I got 12 but they weren't all A!
Not sure why some is in bold!!

I don't like it because as others have said, there are other motivators for doing hard work other than money. But I work in a job where I don't get any bonuses for doing extra work, for working harder, and I don't get reprimanded for doing a half arsed job. I could do the bare minimum if I wanted as it won't effect my pay but I still do my best. Plenty of things wouldn't happen if people were only motivated by money... I think it sends a poor message at a young age. I have a friend who will not to anything unless there is something in it for her and it is painstaking to be around sometimes.

There are plenty of jobs where you will need additional job specific qualifications and you will have to do exactly that.

If you can afford it, and it’s something she’s working towards then there’s nothing wrong with that. We all like a reward after hard work. Many adults have it in work with bonuses etc. I’m a secondary school teacher and see many teenagers become tired and they check out so to speak around spring of year 11. Anything to keep her motivated!! Best of luck to her, and if she can get those grades then she’s likely going to go to university and graduate heading into a high paid job.

Loving all the armchair psychology about motivation, yet not one has mentioned the simple pleasure/pain principle.

People are generally in two camps (but can switch based on the situation). Either to move towards pleasure or away from pain. So if they lean towards moving away from pain, they may be motivated more by the fear of 'bad' grades and not be motivated by the reward of cash. However, if they don't care that much about grades, neither will motivate them.

This is why it's so divisive on here. Different people are generally motivated either by what they DO want to happen, or what they DON'T want to happen. The 'pain' teens would have to be encouraged to study by a 'fine' for every lower grade but please don't do that, it's cruel!

I've never understood why people do this for their kids. Surely they want to do well anyway and it's not about the money?

My kids tried their hardest just because they wanted good grades. If I told them theyd get more money for higher grades, it wouldn't have changed how much they revised.

How academic someone is isn't always something they can control. I especially dislike this when people have several kids and one ends up getting rewarded more than another, when a lot of the time it's the children with lower grades who work harder than those who are able to sail through and get 9s

And that's a crazy amount of money.... Mumsnet people seem to live in a different world to the majority of people.

I had a friend at school whose parents did this. It’s your money, it’s your kids.