AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

how is this any different from a toy or gift reward? at least this allows child to learn about saving and spending! good luck to her!

Your scheme quite possibly won’t address the reason she doesn’t work hard - she doesn’t think she needs to. She’s quite possibly right, that she doesn’t need to work hard, even to benefit under your scheme.

i was the classic bright but lazy. I didn’t do a single hour’s revision for my GCSEs. I was supremely confident that I didn’t need to. I got 9 A and As - which would have seen me benefit substantially under your remuneration system without me actually doing any work at all. I would have felt like I’d succeeded. Whereas what I’d actually done was let myself down - but not giving myself the opportunity to get all A. In the real world version where my parents didn’t pay me, I felt that disappointment and pulled my finger out for my A levels. I had to learn the lesson myself. You paying your DD will not teach her anything- except perhaps, reinforcing her belief that she can get good results without trying.

My Mum did it for me. My sixth form let us wear our own clothes and I didn’t have loads so I used the money to get my wardrobe ready.

My post will not let me do an A* even though I’ve edited it!

You’re her parent and it’s up to you what you do. Your SIL doesn’t get an opinion.

When I did my GCSE’s (although this was almost 20 years ago and was more in the £10-£30 reward) my parents were (jokingly!) annoyed that I did much better than they expected me to, so had to pay out more!

I think it’s a brilliant idea. It sends the message: you work hard you get rewarded.

I’ve been wondering this as my DC head towards the GCSE years. In 1990 when I sat my GCSEs some of my friends’ parents did this and I thought it was odd and unnecessary. But I was self motivated and competitive and academic, with a non academic sibling. Interestingly the parents who did that in 1990 were all teachers (though maybe they were the only ones with money, it was a working class area).

My DC are both similarly academic. The school doesn’t push them as far as I can tell - eg they get away with minimal effort on homework. And they are both boys, who typically do worse than girls (less mature? Less self motivated?). In some ways it’s good as they aren’t going to get in a complete stress like I did when I put pressure on myself. But they’re not fulfilling their potential either. If money motivates them to learn to study and learn to strive for better then at least they have learnt those skills, and seen the non-monetary benefit as well by being proud of their results.

So I’m interested to see the amounts that are being offered.

Got it.

I worked hard but was shit at exams
My siblings got rewarded for good grades, I got nothing and was just told to try harder
If you've got more than one child it needs looking at @BlackBean2023

Not all jobs give bonuses.

.

the message is that you get (financially) rewarded for working hard and achieving high - that’s the premise in most work places with promotions or bonuses so I don’t really see the problem

Unless you work for government and there’s no bonuses and everyone’s paid the say. Or you are a shop worker in min pay, with 10 years experience but paid the same as the new starter. Or work in care.

But that’s not what you mean is it? These rewards are only for the academic high achievers.

If you can afford it then why not?

Your money, your choice. Have to say it never occurred to me to promise my dc money to work hard at school.
I’ll have to check with dgc if they expect this bribe incentive.

It's not the only motivation though, it's a bonus / reward on top. 200 isn't enough if that was the only motivation for 2 years!! Throughout the 2 years effort should be rewarded in order to get good outcomes.
Nothing wrong with trying your best but they should be trying!

Such a completely self aggrandising post. Everyone is different. You are entitled to your opinion but that's all it is - an opinion. It doesn't mean that you are the best at anything nor above anyone else. Step back down off that pedestal and join the rest of us in the real world where we should be helping eachother, not putting ourselves above others.

As a PP has said, revising and working hard are within her control, the results aren't. So you're rewarding something outside her control.

As a method, it wouldn't have worked for me. I was stressed anyway. The thought of getting or not getting money according to my results, which were outside of my control, would have tipped me over the edge.

Also personally for me, I would not have coped well with the idea that my worth and the value of my exams were monetary. It's not a value system I appreciate. But these are personal things so if you think it will motivate your daughter, that's up to you.

We have never financially rewarded grades like that on a sliding scale. For both kids on the big exams done something on the night before the results like a meal out or other family trip to recognise their hard work and send the message that as long as they did their best, that's all that matters.

I would do it. Anything to motivate! That's a lot of money though!

OP, If you think it’s making no difference to your dd, then maybe it’s not right for her, whatever anyone else thinks. Can you think of anything which would be more motivating for her, or maybe she needs help setting shorter term goals - next summer seems a long way off when you’re 15

No, no. Never ever.

Why? Just why? Your daughter is already heading for brilliant results and doesn’t sound like a child who needs an incentive. Why are you paying her to do even better? What good could this possibly do?

Here is the loud-and-clear message it sends:

“Your worth in my eyes is attached to your achievements.”

Aside from the practical considerations. If her sibling(s) is less academic will they get less money even if they worked just as hard? If she doesn’t get her results then will you really withdraw the offer of the money, making her feel even more of failure? Or will you pay her anyway, making the whole thing a farce? What if she works really hard and the exam just doesn’t go her way? Has she ‘failed’ your test? Are results worth more than hard work?

I think you need to ask yourself why her GCSE results (which, aside from getting her to the next stage academically do not count for anything much) matter so much to you.

Seriously.

My dad did it with me, we did it for my step-daughters and have done it with 3 of the grandkids. Gives them the push to revise and take it more seriously. They're being financially rewarded for working hard at something they're about to do anyway.

I think it's absolutely fine. Consistent with the lesson that hard work yields results in life. No-one's business but yours.

Except OP isn’t her DD’s boss. She’s her mum.

Penny dropped for anyone yet?

Also sends the message if you’re unable to succeed in this way you’re worth less.

pointless thread though as those that can afford it and have never experienced a child with a disability that prevents them achieving top grades will just praise the OP. Bit like asking “Am I right or am I right!”