AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

Remind me how old your DCs are ?

Yes it really does matter, because nurturing, modelling, encouraging and providing opportunities for instinct motivation from an early age sets them up for adult life.

Sending them out into the world not wanting to do anything unless they get handed a tenner for it sets them up for long term failure and disappointment as they watch those with the motivation fly past them.

Of course there were be bumps along the way, not many people have bump free lives/pressures and challenges and for some those bumps are so catastrophic they cannot parent effectively. But for most it is absolutely achievable in some form or another.

Mine is an adult and I agree with @Blanketpolicy. I would have felt that I had failed to pass on basic values that I hold dear if my dd had at any point only been motivated by money!

I totally accept that some people think it's normal and natural to be motivated primarily by money. That's in line with their values and what they think is important, and they are of course entitled to their views. It isn't for me to say how others should live their lives, but honestly, I would be ashamed if I had raised my dd to think like that, and I would feel that I had failed to teach her about what really matters in life.

@Blanketpolicy I disagree with you here. My husband who had no motivation at school, was bright but never worked hard, scraped through a-levels and nearly failed out of his degree has found that as soon as he started working in a job his motivation to work changed completely. He often says how it’s like everything made sense suddenly for him. So it’s actually not guaranteed that a person motivated by working for financial compensation will fail in adult life, in fact I think for a lot of people who aren’t motivated at school by the mere promise of exams being their own reward excel once they start working for money.

@Blanketpolicy

You don't need to save my dc from getting money from for exams ( i hope) my dd is on course to get a flush of 7 - 9 next year without a hint of cash incentives mentioned.

But I was that child who lost their way and would have responded to anything to help me focus because that's what it comes down to. And I was nurtured and cared for and had highly literate educated loving parents who valued education as do i.
Unfortunately, they also wanted to kill each other and hated each other and it was impossible to try and digest the periodic table when I wanted to get out and escape.

You are massively over thinking it as well.

You don't set children up for life by a one off crucial time money motivator.

I mean I rewarded DS testers, £10 for a 9, £5 for an 9 or 7..... he's £30 richer than he was

Was trying to articulate this but you ^^ have explained it better than I can.

Adult, past school exam age. Why does it matter?

If a student has to be bribed financially to even study I would question whether university was right for them anyway. How will they have the drive to get through 3 years of that and further professional qualifications? Probably best to go straight into work.

I kind of disagree.

A 15yo is often not properly mature. They may realise too late of their wasted opportunities. Whereas by 17/18 they may be ore ambitious/motivated.

Plus not all DC are destined for university, but GCSEs still matter to get to the next step, whether that is a Level 3 BTEC, a Level 2, a Level 1 or an Apprenticeship. For some, GCSEs may be the end of their education at least for a while, so encouraging a 3/4 student to aim for those 4/5s might open doors for them later in life.

Yes I guess if the child is really not academic and not otherwise working can see it’s a last resort. But surely if you have to be paid to study opting for 3 years of self directed self motivated academic study isn’t a great idea.

I agree, that if not motivated in 6th form then uni would be a high risk

Exactly my point, your parents didn't do their job when it came to instilling the motivation in you in those crucial years, as they were too focussed on their own issues, so you yearned for something else

I totally understand a one off money motivator can be a temporary solution to a problem that has been allowed to happen. It shouldn't have been needed in the first place.

Why does anyone want to do well?

Maybe because they simply want to achieve
Maybe because they want bragging rights
Maybe because they want to be seen as better than others
Maybe because they want to please someone else
Maybe because it gets them material things
Maybe because they're afraid of failure

Why is it being argued that wanting to do well for material things is a negative thing in comparison to the others?

People get a bonus at work for doing well and it motivates some people. This has been happening probably since people paid wages (even non-money wages). Does anyone criticise that?
So why shouldn't a balanced 16yo be motivated by money? It's not necessarily saying it's the only motivation, but if it helps some people, then that's between them and their parents.

Blanket no.

I feel we are playing blind man's bluff and you are wandering around in the dark.

Unfortunately I see your thinking on this subject is immovable and ridged and there is little point in my trying to explain further.

The grades you get at exams are not just their "own reward", the reward is the awareness of your development, the skills you have learned and the potential doors they open to the next stage. Whether that is making you competitive in the job market or uni applications. The same at work, doing the best job you can not for the wage packet but to get that promotion, or next opportunity, or to work on a project that interests you or even just for personal satisfaction that you delivered something great. If a child does not understand that by the time they are 16/18 well before their exams then someone, probably a few people, has let them down.

Something changed for your dh when he entered the work place probably as a young man from having role models/mentors in the work place that were missing in his childhood and/or school education.

We did it as an after the event for 9's at GCSE and A* at A Level but we didn't use it as a carrot, just a well done for the hard work he put in once he got his results so it was a lovely surprise for him as he wasn't expecting it.
If you bribe it makes it about what you want rather than DD doing it for herself

"Please do link this research"

I can't be bothered. There's loads. You can google it if sufficiently interested or pretend it doesn't exist if you prefer. It doesn't make a jot of difference to me either way.

I agree with this. I would also be more inclined to praise for doing revision, rather than final grades. Rewarding by grade can slso seem unfair to other siblings

Gosh people love this "intrinsic motivation” buzz word. Such a broad notion that becomes meaningless if said motivation doesn’t fit in with the prescribed path defined by society. What human is motivated by this way for everything? Wouldn’t everyone who ever participated in a p.e lesson be intrinsically motivated to pursue sport for the health benefits? But alas not everyone enjoys this. My son is intrinsically motivated by health, fitness and achieving in sport. Other people I know are intrinsically motivated by the outdoors. But you cannot opt out of exams to focus on these other pursuits no matter how much satisfaction or pride you find in them. So if humans who are not motivated in this way need other incentives so be it. This also applies to people who do not develop this intrinsic motivation early enough to fit the timescale set by the education system.

I have a DS the same age and I wouldn't do this. He knows at his age why it's important to get good grades if he wants to do his chosen career. I don't bribe my teenager.

I don't do that because I can't afford it. But also because I have read research concluding that pay bonuses are a poor motivator in the workplace, contrary to wide opinion.

Wow seriously? That's blackmail and GCSE are hard enough with a pushy parent. How about supportive your child without bribing them with money? So wrong

Jeez I got a fiver for every C or above I got. How the other half live 😂

Do whatever works for you and your DC.
When my DS finished his A’levels, I took him abroad, to reward him for his hard work. I didn’t care what grades he got, because I knew he’d done his best, and I was proud of him no matter what the grades were. That’s what worked for US. You do you, you don’t need others validation to be the best parent you can be.