AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

Well, there's a difference between getting 7/8s with minimal effort and getting all 9s by working harder. My brother actually missed the 9 (equivalent) in Maths that he was almost a shoe-in for because he's a very talented mathematician, but he was lazy and complacent. He wouldn't have missed it if it meant getting more money.

And lazy kids can be charming at interviews 😂

Having lived in East Asia for many years, there are many, many things that I admire about East Asian culture. However, the intense pressure that they put on their children is not something that I would choose to emulate. There is a price to be paid for that pressure and it is not one that I would ever want for my dc.

Yes, it's good to encourage a strong work ethic, a growth mindset and always striving to improve. But there needs to be a balance and mental wellbeing is also very important.

It's good that your strict regime seemed to work for your ds. Of course, he may well have found his own motivation without your intervention. Lots of bright kids coast in Year 8 because they're bored, but as they start to mature, they begin to put the effort in anyway.

TBF it’s A level psychology, DD told me all about it while struggling with her own motivation 🙄😂 All theory, no application.

’We’ rewarded GCSE results, quotes because I was anti and DH pro. With hindsight it would have been effective had she not been 2020 cohort and not sat her exams. Extrinsic motivation to show her what she was capable of if she worked, hopefully leading to more intrinsic motivation at A level.

No rewards for A level but there’s an extrinsic reward there for specific grades anyway - university place.

So parents are paying so the children will do what the parents have decided?

"I will pay you as I have decided you have to do this"

Is this all so parents can tell all on social media?

I'm not convinced that "charm" is what they're looking for tbh. But my college was more progressive than most, so I guess it's possible that some of the backward ones still operate on this basis.

I didn’t say there is no difference if you want to do medicine or go to Oxbridge which is why I said ‘in most cases’.

Surely ‘in most cases’ universities are looking at A Level results over GCSEs?

I'm a teacher and think a lot of parents do this. I think it is the intuitive thing to do when you are desperate to motivate a lazy child. Unfortunately, all of the research suggests that it doesn't work and can be counter productive. But I guess advocates will never be convinced of that.

I was given £1 for every O Level pass
£5 to pass maths Level

Zero for any further education

I passed, because I worked hard & enjoyed my education. I did not pass due to the monetary incentive

Is it inflation to offer such high amounts of money ?

GCSEs are what you have when you apply.

Please do link this research

Ds asked me if I'd give £9 for a 9 going down to £1 for a 1. I said "no".
He said "bother, I thought I had an easy £14 there" (he was taking 14 subjects).

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving a financial incentive; but I would say what you're offering is way beyond anything I've heard among ds' peers.

You've also got to be careful if you have more than one dc with different abilities.
I had a friend whose parents offered her dbro a big present if he got a certain level. He was a lazy little one, and it did give him an incentive, so it worked. But she worked far harder than him without the incentive and got I think a box of chocolates for her exams, which she did feel a bit hard done by.
But being equal isn't always fair either, my dm taught a pair of siblings. The older was bright, arrogant and lazy. The younger had some birth brain damage and worked her socks off. They offered them the same incentives, when the younger was never going to achieve above a few D/E and he did like to rub it in her face that he was getting A/B/Cs without trying.

The main issue with this plan is when you decide to tell other people about it

XelaM
And lazy kids can be charming at interviews 😂

Maybe, but that won't get them through an Oxbridge interview in my experience.

Yes, the highest academic grades are the minimum requirement for Oxbridge but then they are looking for a sophisticated level of interest in the subject, the ability to think, argue logically and for the potential to benefit from the particular type of teaching which Oxbridge offers. It's not for everyone.

Oxbridge tutors/interviewers have seen it all - and they're not fooled by superficial charm. Many is the over-confident 'charming' student I've seen shocked when they didn't get a place, having felt they aced the interview.

Oh, and most Oxbridge interviews include a pretty testing exam for which you can't prepare except in the broadest sense of reading around your subject and having a genuine interest.

*Scarlettpixie - I didn’t say there is no difference if you want to do medicine or go to Oxbridge which is why I said ‘in most cases’.

Surely ‘in most cases’ universities are looking at A Level results over GCSEs*

I know this thread is about GCSEs, and I've already said that i offered my daughter a financial incentive. Unfortunately I didn't do the same for her AS levels the next year, and she had started coasting again. She got a B for one of her history modules and was still not working when she resat it, and although she increased her marks, she still didn't quite get an A. When she got her university offers, she was turned down by the LSE on the very last day, which was her first choice over anywhere. She got feedback on the reasons for rejecting her application and was told that it came down to that one history module and not getting an A. She started working properly after that, but if I'd offered her a similar incentive to her GCSEs then she would have got her first choice offer. But it shows that universities don't just look at overall A level grades.

Ds asked me if I'd give £9 for a 9 going down to £1 for a 1. I said "no".
He said "bother, I thought I had an easy £14 there" (he was taking 14 subjects).

I love this 😂 Your DS sounds awesome

It's your choice, but I don't think it is good to reward "success", isn't it better to reward hard work? I can't imagine how she will feel if she doesn't get the highest grade given how much you've put pressure on with this. And the grades don't matter that much, just do her best and do well enough to get to the next stage. I don't know if you have others kids but I'd also worry it would create sibling resentment.

Do you have teens btw? If so, what are their ambitions? Apologies if I have missed it.

Only non academic families do this in my experience

I agree with this.

Well now I’m finally glad we did it, if only to provide a counter-example.

I have one teen (Year 9) and her ambitions don't match her school efforts unfortunately 🙈 I come from a very academic family where Bs were considered akin to Fs, but I'm a lot(!) more relaxed with my own daughter about grades. Although I have now asked her if having the OP's would motivate her to work harder for GCSEs and she said the most resounding "YES"! 😂 So we'll see how that works out

I think parents do what they think best to get their kids through GCSEs. Then they always have those grades 'in their back pocket' regardless of what comes next. Kids mature at different times and you don't want them to do poorly through immaturity.
6th form, whether it is A levels, BTEC or Apprenticeship is the time for all of them to step up, even if they needed pushing through GCSEs.

Isn't that the parents job to teach them this from a young age? Instead of taking the easy short term route of throwing money at them because they have somehow reached 16/18 years old and still don't get it.

Baring any SEN, I would consider my dc not understanding or having any intrinsic motivation at the cusp of adulthood a huge parenting failure on my part.

Well, parents do fail Blanket? Children do get knocked off course. It can be hard to get across to dc with no life experience that exams are important..
Many very successful people have failed.
Does it matter to get the end result if for whatever reason rhe child isn't motivated? "

@Growlybear83 exactly, it's just better to try and open up chances isn't it.