AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

My son has friends whose parents punish for 7s and 8s 😆

Find out the standard before you make the offer. Great to reward 9s. But what is usual in that school, how talented is your child, what can she achieve with steady work?

Research shows you should reward small improvements along the way, rather than the final result.

My parents did this for both me and my sister. I think it was £50 for every grade A* to C.

It wasn't particularly motivating, as I already had high levels of internal motivation to do well, but it was a nice little extra. I came away with a tidy sum!

I think it really depends on the kid.

This is exactly what my Dad paid me for my GCSE’s 14 years ago (oh god I’m so old!). It was lovely - I was a hard worker anyway which is why he did it but it was a great extra reward, and I couldn’t work that summer because I only turned 16 on the last day of August so had no option to get a weekend job until the autumn, so it was lovely to have a chunk of money at that point of my life. It didn’t affect my work ethic at all - and I never really understand that criticism because you DO get paid for going to work as an adult! That’s one of my main motivations for working hard at my job these days! Well done to your daughter and I think it’s a lovely thing to do if you can afford it.

I think that's lovely, Catkin. I accept that financial incentives don't work and aren't appropriate for every child but I do believe it can be important in certain circumstances.

My daughter was in the top sets in a super selective grammar school and we had been told from when she had first started at the school that she was extremely able, even by that school's standards. As she got older, she realised that she could get by with doing less and less work and became increasingly lazy. I had been incredibly invested and supportive in her education from a very early age and she had been really motivated and happy to be the class geek in primary school. Once hormones kicked in halfway through secondary school and her social life became more important to her, then she became increasingly lazy with school work. Her teachers were despairing in Year 11 and thought she was throwing her education away. By that time, it didn't matter any more what sort of work ethic I had instilled in her because she wasn't interested any more and like so many 15/16 year olds thought she knew best and also knew that she was bright enough to pass her exams with the minimum of work. She didn't appreciate at the time how important the grades would be to the universities she was planning to apply to. I was always mindful thst she only had one real chance with her education and I honestly don't know what else I could have done by that stage and in her circumstances to get her to actually put in enough work to achieve the high grades she got apart from offering her money for doing so.

Definitely reward effort not outcome. I had twins get their results yesterday - both good but one got higher grades in all but one subject. It must be tricky seeing your twin get those better scores, she doesn't need to see her getting lots of extra cash too. We celebrated both of them equally.

That's why you constantly get posts on Mumsnet about "how is it possible that they can afford holidays/big houses etc and we can't". The answer is - they earn more money.

@XelaM I know, right? It so silly. I hope my kids are a bit motivated by money, not to the exclusion of anything else in their life but because statistically if you earn more money you have a longer, healthier, happier life. There’s nothing immoral about working to earn money 🙄

The grades themselves are the reward. Having some 8s and 9s are a valuable asset that your DC can keep forever.

Getting mostly 8s instead of mostly 6s and 7s is the difference between (say) becoming a solicitor vs a legal secretary. Or a doctor vs a HCA. Or an engineer vs a mechanic. Nb absolutely nothing wrong with the lower paid jobs and they are crucial for society. But we are talking about financial incentives here.

It could earn your DC more than £100,000 extra in their lifetimes, if they get mostly 8s instead of mostly 6s/7s.

What's £100 quid now, compared to that.

I’m not being combative but I’m genuinely wondering what world you live in where money is not an external motivator? That is literally exactly what a job is. Almost everyone would not do their job if they weren’t paid for it because they would not be able to work for free. Money is the primary external motivator in the real world!

One of the most mediocre if not below average kids in my school was paid per hour of revision when we did GCSEs. His dad was rich. He got really good grades and shocked everyone. I'd never heard of it before or since but always thought I will pay my kids to revise. I think somehow that's more acceptable than paying for the grades they get but possibly I feel like that as I have a very very bright child who I expect to do well and an average child I feel bad for when people compare him to her

We all have be grateful for the differences between us.

Who would clean a banker's teeth if we all cared for money more than people?

Society needs all of us. The risk of focusing only on individual wealth as a society is it degrades all of our quality of life.

Sure, we need some money-obsessed bankers and some entrepreneurs. We also need some people-focused teachers and artists.

We didn't pay our DS a penny for passing exams, but despite that, he's motivated by money, but he think long term, not short term. He was motivated by getting a very high paid profession (actuary) and he did his GCSEs with an eye on that kind of profession, then his A levels, the subjects which he chose for better chances of a finance profession, then his degree, again which he chose to give him the best chance of a finance profession, and now, having achieved a First in Financial Maths at a top university (for Maths), he's secured his job in a blue chip international insurance firm, in a training position to become a qualified actuary. Eye on the prize from the age of around 15, highly motivated to get there, and needed no "incentives" from us to make him work, except for our time and effort to help and support him (ensuring he had resources, a desk, books, laptop, etc.). It helped that a lot of his school friends were doing the same, i.e. looking at top careers (doctor, lawyer, IT consultant, etc) and working backwards so they knew what qualifications/subjects/grades they needed to get there.

I also think it has knock on effects for other kids. There will be loads of them who won't be getting any money to do their school work. Do you think the kids who are getting paid will keep quiet about it? Of course they won't. They'll be boasting to all and sundry. This will definitely have the effect of making some children go home to parents who can't afford it or who have different values, and saying "Well x is being paid £x per GCSE" and demanding the same.

People will say "Well why should I be concerned about other people's children?" This misses the point that they are all part of a community and a well educated population that does somethings because it's the right thing to do rather than simply because they are getting paid benefits everyone.

I don't think it's good for society myself.

People will say "Well why should I be concerned about other people's children?" This misses the point that they are all part of a community and a well educated population that does somethings because it's the right thing to do rather than simply because they are getting paid benefits everyone.

Well said.

We rewarded all our kids for their hard work but not financially and not for specific grades. The DC ranged in ability from straight A's to one for whom 5 C's was a challenge. They were all rewarded with a present and a family celebration. But they were given a reward not a motivation.

Goldencup
In our family we don't celebrate mediocrity.

So..."only winners come to dinner?"

Nice! I hope you aren't cursed with any 'mediocrities' in your family, then.

It's all about expectations. People need to look at other cultures including the far East. If a child isn't doing as well as they should at school, I absolutely encourage them to put more hours in. DS of the Oxbridge success was coasting in yr 8, I implemented a strict 60 supervised minute homework slot every evening. Amazingly his grades picked up. It really isn't rocket science. Actually he now says he wishes I'd pushed him harder. I am an unashamed Tiger Mum.

I am not sure I agree with your approach and £2k is a lot of money!

My son got solid results yesterday and we celebrated with a takeaway and cake! His real reward is doing well enough to get onto his chosen course at college. After that I doubt anyone will care. If he hadn’t got onto his chosen course and enrolled on L2 instead of L3 we would still have celebrated his achievements.

As others have said, some of the grade boundaries are tough this year and lots of students have got lower than predicted grades. Why add to their disappointment by giving out less cash than they expected when you know they put in the work.

In most cases it really doesn’t matter if they get a 7 or a 9 in terms of next steps so why push and put them under additional stress.

If you believe a 7 is the same as a 9 for medicine or Oxbridge I am afraid you are deluded.

I don't have intrinsic motivation (cheers mum for never teaching me that one 😂)
I'm similar to how you describe your daughter. I'm motivated by money but left to my own devices I'm a lazy sod. Hasn't held me back in my career. The motivation of more money makes me work for the next qualification which leads to the next promotion which gives me more money.

If it motivates her and you're comfortable with the amount it's going to cost you if she smashes them all then go for it. My only worry if I were you would be the double disappointment of missing out on money as well if she doesn't do as well as she hopes.

Ignore your SIL and do it your way. All the people talking about intrinsic reward, that's great if that's how your kid works. My son works like that, my daughter doesn't. Both brought up the same way. Different personalities. Also some people are money motivated and will do well in sales careers and other positions where it matters. Other people aren't like that and will do well in different careers. All good as long as they are happy. My husband is money motivated, I am not. Different strokes for different folks.

Will you pay her if she gets into Oxbridge, but less for St Andrews?
Will you pay her if she gets a job- call centre £0 but Cabinet Office £1,000?
Will you pay her if she has a child in wedlock? But less if not married?

Do wallets and bank transfers speak louder than love in your home?

Exactly. We can pretend that money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure helps towards it!

Anyway, I just asked my teenager if she would like to have the same deal as OP's kid and if it would motivate her to work harder. She said "Definitely- yes!" 😂So there we go. I very much doubt I'm risking £2000 given her results so far, but you never know what she might do now that the incentive is there 🤣

I think your sis was rude to comment but I agree with her.

To me paying depending on grade is showing your child that you value them more if they achieve more. Comparing it to a job is a red herring, wtf thinks that their employer has unconditional love for their employees? Of course they want to incentivise good hard work. My DD got GCSE results yesterday so I've been on the results thread on MN and whilst DD did really well, it's pretty clear that many students worked incredibly hard, were predicted really good grades and still fell slightly short - some were clearly devastated by just missing out on a grade. I can't imagine saying to an upset child 'whoops sorry you missed out on a 9 so you only get £150 instead of £200'.

Plus sometimes being lazy and 'only' getting 7s is a kick up the arse for kids going onto A levels. I think that would be a far better way for her to learn that being lazy has consequences.

Of course they look at grades but most Oxbridge applicants will have top grades in any case. What they are looking for at interview is the extent to which the applicant will respond to their way of teaching, or so I was told by the admissions tutor for my subject at my college. The grades are a prerequisite, of course, but not sufficient by themselves. I can't imagine that a kid who does well only because mum pays them to work hard is exactly going to wow at interview! There will be a few exceptions who slip through the net, of course.

As for the bright kids who apparently get top marks without effort...no need to pay them anyway, really, as they seem to be doing well enough without having to work for it?