To think my friend is treating me like her maid

[Grabhands]

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

Is she nervous about speaking with ‘foreigners’? That’s my most charitable reading of it.

If I say no, like now, she says something along the lines of I'm so relaxed grabhands, so need a break, can't you go.

The answer to that is "No, I can't, I'm even more relaxed and I need a break more having gone the last six times"

WTF!!!!!!

I've never heard of such behaviour! Tell her to get off her ass and get her own food and drink!

I certainly wouldn't be fetching a single thing for her from now, even if I'm getting something myself.

I am totally gobsmacked. Who the hell does she think she is??????

I just came here to say that!

I would definitely have said that to her, without even thinking - it was something of a refrain in my family.

(Of course, my dad's 'classic response' to that was 'beaten to death for giving me backchat', said with a smirk.)

Food for thought , forgive the pun!

No, she is not anxious socially at all, very much life of the party.

Had dinner tonight, I went to bar and got us both a drink at the outset, and said I didn't want another one when she asked about getting another, she didn't go herself so sat with empty glass.

I did repeat I didn't like other people taking food off my plate and that didn't happen tonight. She did point to one thing and say what's that, could you get me some, I just said maybe later I wanted to finish my meal and didn't do it.

I don't think we will be going away again, after dinner she asked me to get her a coffee from bar, I just said I didn't feel like going to the bar.

Deffo CF behaviour - surely she can see this. As to sticking your dirty fingers in someone else's food 🤢.

I hope she has a word with herself.

Oh cross post. Can't believe she's still asking you to get her things! Wtf?!?

I agree! I hope you are able right still enjoy your trip. Don't lift a finger for her and I'd reconsider this friendship you are home

Oh well paid OP . I like the not actively saying No, but not doing it. Will really wind her up.

How on earth is she justifying her behaviour to you to herself?

Why don't you ask her why she can't go herself ?? I understand not wanting things to be awkward while away but she's making it so.

I have no clue if she is aware of how lazy she is coming across

I wake up early so usually get fresh beach towels, as she sleeps late, so tempted to only get my own, like she did, but don't think I could be so rude. Surely if you are with someone you always get 2 towels , I do!

Can you not just say “Friend, you know it’s not customary to expect a friend to do everything for you? I don’t mind if it’s reciprocal but that means taking turns and you don’t seem interested in that? I just want to let you know I won’t be fetching and carrying for you anymore so please stop asking me.”

Getting just your towel will show you her reaction and how she behaves.

If she says anything, just say ‘oh I thought we’re just getting our own towels now, as you didn’t get me last time you went’.

Why don’t you ask her? She’s in a funny mood now I suppose, so maybe you don’t want it to kick off tonight but if it was my mate I’d be genuinely interested to know why she’s doing it. Like, are you the ‘Capable Friend’? Or, is it that she’s worried they won’t understand her? Or does she feel self-conscious about food/ the size of her arse so doesn’t want to be seen multiple times at the buffet? My DH makes me ask for things all the time, it annoys me. He is apparently afraid of waiters. When I go away with my best mate she tends to order/take charge and I quite enjoy the break, it’s like having a mum. She also says it’s like being with a mum cos I wipe the table when we sit down in bars etc 😂 Is it worth falling out over, if it’s something you can hash out?

I absolutely would raise this asap, no need for confrontation or a fall out, just ‘Look, I’m not going to the bar/buffet when I don’t want anything. Why do you keep directing me to get you things when I am not going to the bar?’ She sounds incredibly lazy. I’d make a big point of not getting her a towel, selfish cow!

Yeah, rather than just push back, I’d want to ask her why she expected me to do all the fetching and carrying. Has she been to the bar at all?

Can’t you ask her? I mean she’s obviously going to be pissed off now anyway. Send her a text.

WTF is wrong with her?! She sounds like a nightmare 😂

Was she like this when she was younger? Sounds like there’s something wrong with her. It’s not normal to behave the way she is.

Id absolutley have to ask her why she keeps expecting you to wait on her? Hold her gaze and get an answer.

She is being ridiculous now

We are sharing a room, I did gently say something earlier, and she just repeated she really needed a break and to relax and she knows I don't mind?

I will make the best of the next few days and enjoy the beach, but I am not fetching and carrying any more unless I am going anyway.

I think its just laziness, if she wants anything from the room and we are on the beach, she would rather wait till I go back and then ask me to bring her glasses or book etc than go herself, which can mean she is waiting an hour to avoid the 10 min walk

I just can’t understand why she’s still asking you to do things for her and get her things even after you’ve very politely told her to stop it. The mind boggles.

I’d have to say something - “I need to relax too and I didn’t come on holiday to wait on you hand and and foot, I came to have a nice time together with my friend. It’s fairer if we take it in turns to fetch and carry and it’s definitely your turn to do some of that today.”

Tell her you do mind and you find it really odd that she expects you to go to the bar in the middle of your meal because she can’t be bothered to go. Ask her why she would treat anyone like that?