To think my friend is treating me like her maid

[Grabhands]

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

Make a show of licking everything in the plate whilst eyeballing her and then tell
her ‘I licked it so it’s mine…’.

@Grabhands you have my sympathy as she sounds bizarre.

it’s one of those weird ones isn’t it - just ask her and risk it being worse, just do as she asks and internally seethe with resentment, try joking and risk her sulking….

Aside from the CF behaviour is she the same good friend you remember or have the friendship dynamics changed from what they used to be?

Maybe you’ve both just changed over the years and you don’t need her in your life anymore.

How irritating for you. Hopefully she stops and you can just carry on and forget it.

My parents said much the same thing, except they said "servant" instead of "slave"

Stay strong OP. By standing your ground, you will be doing her a good turn. And she may learn the errors of her ways before the end of the holiday...

On the other hand, she may not...

That's so rude of her and you're aren't being petty at all. Is she generally lazy or could she have lost all confidence being on her own in the pandemic or something? That's the only things I can think of apart from she become VERY entitled!

How do people become so self centred? I think you need to turn this all back on her now and see how she responds.

Absolutely stop being her personal maid. This is ridiculous!

No more. You have been forbidden!

Ask her what her last servant died of.

I'm normally very against petty/passive aggressive behaviour but in this situation I would definitely be bringing backthe wrong things. Full fat coke when she wanted diet/pork when she asked for chicken/a fruit scone when she wanted a chocolate muffin. Either that or go back to the table with your things and say "they didn't have any" if challenged "ohhhh, i walked right past them!"

I've learnt from watching others that nobody seems to kick off at incompetence the way they do when you directly say no/point blank refuse. So people who will sulk when told no, if i cant avoid them I just do a deliberately bad job so they dont ask me again (aka the British Married Man Tactic)

I might have fetched someone something if I was going that way but surely the sensible response would be 'what's wrong with your own legs CF?'

I know it’s too late for this situation, but it wouldn’t be as big a deal if you had called it out sooner.

Yeah! good one! I’m not your maid
what did your last slave die of?
Sure, I’ll get that next time I’m going to the bar/when I’ve finished my chips.
eh? Fingers!

Just say it as you think it. It’s really not a friendship if you can’t say what’s on your mind.

At first I wondered if she was self conscious or of larger build. Because I absolutely hate going to the bar or getting food etc as I feel people are judging me for being overweight (I do do it, I just find it very uncomfortable). But then I read she couldn't even manage to get you a towel when getting her own, and realised she's probably just a lazy cow!

Hahaha that’s some serious escalation

Yes, I want to know too! I was wondering if she's self-conscious about how much food and drink she's consuming. Is there any chance she feels she's eating less if it's off your plate or if she doesn't fetch it? Kinda like some people think the calories in snacks don't count!

She's being doubly rude to you for being a twat about being called out for her CF behaviour. She's doing it to manipulate you because she doesn't like being called out.

I was wondering this. Is she very shy or self conscious? Feels embarrassed being an overweight person helping herself to food? Still, feeling anxious doesn’t excuse ordering others around without apologising and paying back in other small ways.
Towel gate suggests she’s just being very selfish!

Im surprised you haven’t noticed this before? Being self centred usually tips over into all facets of a persons character.

just say no

not sure why you didn't stop it in the first place. Especially taking from your plate.

She's being absolutely ridiculous and stupid too because if you fall out with her, she hasn't got anyone to hang around with.

I wouldn't be able to eat my dinner if someone else had put their hands in it.

Perhaps it’s a really unhealthy dynamic for her living with her parents? They do everything for her and still treat her like a child?

She’s certainly acting like a petulant child now by sulking when you chided her.

Thank god you’re not in a self catering apartment 😂

How did dinner go?

Yanbu. Especially getting her towel 2 days and her not getting yours this morning!

I would offer a drink when i am going to the bar anyway and not do a single other thing. Carrying two plates at buffet is awkward. She can sort herself.

I mean if I was being completely honest I'd say I'm probably lazier than a lot of people, but even I wouldn't expect to be served like that, and I would most definitely have got you a towel whilst I was there! That's ruder than rude!

I'd stab her hand with a fork if she tried to eat off my plate.
It's a buffet fgs, she can go up and get her own.

Awful woman. She thinks she's special and it should be an honour for you to serve her. I would just refuse or "forget" her orders. If she objects tell her it would do her good getting some exercise even if it's only walking to the bar. I mean she doesn't want to get a thrombosis sat on her arse eating non stop does she?

And I agree with licking everything on your plate so she can't touch it. We'll siblings have been doing it for decades and it works haha!

Not being petty. She is a CF.

Does she struggle with social anxiety. Maybe she avoids things that involve interacting with others