Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

It's a wedding one, kids or no kids at the wedding?

144 replies

CornishBarbie · 23/08/2023 10:33

Please be honest with me. As parents would you want your kids at a wedding? A majority of these kids are not kids I'm close to btw, just literally children of adult guests. I'm so torn whilst planning about whether it's something they should or shouldn't be invited to. One friend says it's a night off for her and dh to be child free and enjoy a wedding, there's always childcare or the option of not coming for those who are in this predicament. The other has said she would match her kids outfits with hers and it would be a lovely family affair. I really have no idea what is truly suitable and would be mortified if I said no kids and it offended people - I do get that it's my wedding and I can do whatever I want really but these are people I have invited because I really love them and their happiness on the day matters to me too. My original thoughts was no kids, mainly as I remember going to a wedding as a 7 ish year old with a sickness bug and it was a horribly long day, I certainly didn't know it was a wedding in the way and adult would appreciate it and it probably ruined in for my mum too. I have always just assumed weddings to be an adult event.

Tweaked the voting so I can see what all your responses reflect-

Yabu = no kids, parents can go a day or a day and night without them and wouldn't think badly of you for it.

Yanbu = have kids, the majority are well behaved and it's just easier when lots of people have them.

OP posts:

Nuca · 23/08/2023 10:35

We got married last year and kids were invited, but we do have a lot of family and friends with kids so I think a lot would have not come if they weren't invited. It was lovely, we had a kids activity table and they all had great fun dancing. A few of them organised for family members to come and collect the kids and take them home so that they could stay on longer and enjoy some kid free time, and a few organised childcare and didn't bring the kids at all

NewAgain123 · 23/08/2023 10:38

We go with, if its a close family members wedding then kids of the family are invited.
If its a friends wedding then I wouldn't expect my kids to be invited, I would see it as a (for me) kids free night out.

35965a · 23/08/2023 10:39

I think the only time a ‘no kids’ wedding is a problem is when the bride and groom are arsey when parents can’t come to the wedding. Childcare isn’t always an option. I think when the b&g are understanding it is OK.

StaySpicy · 23/08/2023 10:40

I had lots of children at my wedding and it was so lovely to watch them dancing and doing the activities we'd set out for them! A few people didn't bring their kids, but at least they had the option. Weddings are a joyous time for family and friends, imo, and by saying no kids at all you're potentially making it very difficult for some people to come. I'd rather have my loved ones there with their kids than have a child-free wedding but some loved ones can't make it because of that.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 23/08/2023 10:41

You'll upset someone whatever you choose so pick what you'd prefer.

For me personally it depends on logistics. Wedding close by, no problem we can sort childcare for a few hours. Wedding requiring an overnight stay would probably be a decline with no hard feelings from us.

Weddings in both mine and dh's families are very much family affairs though.

Genevieva · 23/08/2023 10:44

Babes in arms and children you are close to (nieces / nephews / godchildren) should be invited, with an expectation that fussing little ones are removed from the room if they are interrupting the wedding service or speeches. Children you don’t know don’t need to be invited and you can apologise and simply say you don’t have room for the children if all your guests, so have to draw a line somewhere (unless of course you don’t need to draw a line because the number of children is limited or the venue is suitable). This gives you flexibility to allow for exceptions, but a clear ability to say no to s as you requests if you want or need to. It also means parents who haven’t brought their kids don’t feel affronted that it is not a wholly child-free wedding. We chose the invite children. There weren’t that many, as we married before many of our friends, and the children who came were a delight.

Lottapianos · 23/08/2023 10:44

OP, you cannot please everyone. It's your wedding, so please go with what you would prefer. I think that childfree weddings are a great idea, so long as you realise that some people just won't be able to attend

Wendysfriend · 23/08/2023 10:44

I prefer children at weddings. If people don't want to bring them they can leave them at home. I struggled getting child care for 5 when mine were younger. What's funny now is all the child free weddings I did attend they now have children and are complaining that their children are not invited to weddings. I always offered to pay for my children as I've quite a few 😁

Summerscoming23 · 23/08/2023 10:44

If the couple getting married have kids I think kids should be invited...also nieces and nephews should make the cut regardless

Highlyflavouredgravy · 23/08/2023 10:45

Invite the children. Parents can always leave them at home if they want child free time but it means no stress about childcare.

I have never been to a wedding that was ruined by children. I remember at mine all the little cousins getting super excited and giving me little gifts like horseshoes and then dancing at the reception- lovely! They are part ofcthe family.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 23/08/2023 10:46

We had kids at our wedding because we love them and wanted them to be part of our day (at that point we didn't have our own). I prefer weddings where the children are invited so that we can make the choice if we want to bring them, though we have attended child free weddings. I think if you do a blanket no kids rule you could find some people can't/won't come and you can't be upset by that. If you invite kids some will not bring them anyway.

Campervangirl · 23/08/2023 10:46

I'd say no kids especially if you're not close to the DC.
However, I'd say yes to a nursing baby if it meant the dm couldn't attend otherwise.
I personally prefer a child free wedding (I love children btw)
It's nice to have an event without DC, I know this can put a strain on guests finding childcare.
Also the weddings I've attended with children usually involves crying, temper tantrums, running around, skidding across the dancefloor, drinks spilt on the dancefloor etc.
If it was a destination wedding and your guests were using it as a chance for a family holiday then I'd have children there.

Trisolaris · 23/08/2023 10:46

I think it’s better to invite if you can and then leave it up to the parents to decide whether they want to bring them.

We found that most people opted to leave them at home but loved having the few that were there.

RainbowUtensils · 23/08/2023 10:47

Everyone's kids were invited to our wedding, but some parents chose not to bring them so they could have a child free night (or their child might have been super bored). If you invite the kids you could make it clear they're welcome, but up to the parents if they want to bring them or not. Best of both worlds then.

peachgreen · 23/08/2023 10:48

If you don't invite kids, some people will be upset. That's okay though – it's okay to upset people sometimes!

I have a 5 year old and it doesn't bother me if she's not invited to weddings as usually I would prefer not to bring her anyway – if she is invited, I only bring her if I think the bride and groom genuinely want her there specifically, which is really only the case with close family.

Doggydarling · 23/08/2023 10:49

I'd no kids at my wedding, my son and 5 of his mates were the youngest there and they were 16. It was a personal decision for dh and I, we were 37 and 40 getting married, it was an adult day and night we wanted, no children running around, no wait staff having to dodge kids while working, no interruptions during the ceremony. We had a thank you note from one couple for the child free day, they had young children and appreciated the break, made the most of it by staying in the hotel and booking massages etc for the following morning, we understood that some people may not be able to attend due to child care but accepted that. The idea of a guest coordinating the adult and children's outfits actually makes me cringe but that's just me. Loved our wedding day and would highly recommend no kids.

bigbadbarry · 23/08/2023 10:49

Just don’t tell people you are doing it so they can have a night off, if you don’t invite the kids

Abs8 · 23/08/2023 10:49

How about giving them a choice to bring their kids, but making it clear that it would be a wedding tailored to adults and that it would be preferred if children can stay at home, unless they really needed to be there? I revived an invite once which said, in some fancy way, that if parents need to bring their children then that's fine (eg childcare issues, breastfed babies) but they would love guests to be able to let their hair down without children there and if every guest brought their child there wouldn't be enough room. (It was obviously worded much more succinct than this, but you get the gist!)

DappledThings · 23/08/2023 10:50

I'd prefer to bring mine bit would accept if they weren't invited.

But don't phrase it as being for my benefit. Other people deciding what is better for me is annoying. A childfree wedding is disappointing. A childfree wedding where it is sold to me as so I can relax and let my hair down is both disappointing and infuriating.

WeetabixTowels · 23/08/2023 10:51

It depends if I have childcare available. Because I’d rather not have mine there if it can be helped.

To be honest, I think if there’s just a few well behaved kids who part of the wedding party, who can sit and play nicely, it can be really pleasant to have their company.

However if it’s an open invitation for everyone’s kids, and there’s 20+ there from crawling babies to hyperactive pre-teens, it’s a nightmare. My SIL’s wedding was the latter and it was like being in a fucking zoo!

jannier · 23/08/2023 10:51

Not everyone can afford childcare but if they want a night off and can afford it they could choose not to bring the children.

randomsabreuse · 23/08/2023 10:51

Invite if you can, parents can have the option depending on logistics.

If someone needs to travel for more than 1 night assume they will struggle with childcare. If kids under 2 or 3 and it's a family wedding they might well be short of childcare if usual childcare is at the wedding.

Parents can decide if they can find childcare and have a child free night if they want one and have the childcare!

luckylavender · 23/08/2023 10:51

It's completely your choice. I had a (largely) child free wedding 32 years ago & never regretted it. I love children. I don't love them at weddings.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 23/08/2023 10:55

I much prefer a wedding with children!

It's your day though, do what you want.

ExtraOnions · 23/08/2023 10:55

We invited everyone kids … it was lovely, we sat them on their own table, with colouring books etc. Not one of them caused a moments issue.

Went to a posh-o wedding once, children were invited, and they had a room set aside for them with a children’s entertainer.. it was great

My DD was not in invited to a “child free” wedding a few weeks ago, she’s 17 .. thought that was a bit odd - not like she would be doing knee slides across the dance floor

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6