It's a wedding one, kids or no kids at the wedding?

[CornishBarbie]

Please be honest with me. As parents would you want your kids at a wedding? A majority of these kids are not kids I'm close to btw, just literally children of adult guests. I'm so torn whilst planning about whether it's something they should or shouldn't be invited to. One friend says it's a night off for her and dh to be child free and enjoy a wedding, there's always childcare or the option of not coming for those who are in this predicament. The other has said she would match her kids outfits with hers and it would be a lovely family affair. I really have no idea what is truly suitable and would be mortified if I said no kids and it offended people - I do get that it's my wedding and I can do whatever I want really but these are people I have invited because I really love them and their happiness on the day matters to me too. My original thoughts was no kids, mainly as I remember going to a wedding as a 7 ish year old with a sickness bug and it was a horribly long day, I certainly didn't know it was a wedding in the way and adult would appreciate it and it probably ruined in for my mum too. I have always just assumed weddings to be an adult event.

Tweaked the voting so I can see what all your responses reflect-

Yabu = no kids, parents can go a day or a day and night without them and wouldn't think badly of you for it.

Yanbu = have kids, the majority are well behaved and it's just easier when lots of people have them.

Thank you so much to everyone for replying, I have taken time to read them all and really think about what to do. I can see both sides and I'm glad that neither side seems to be outwardly awful from what I've read of the reasonable and balanced responses, it has given me faith that each option would be okay! I've decided to go with allowing parents to bring them if they want. I also, when considering going without loved the tip from a poster saying not to make it sound like a favour to parents on the invite to not invite them. Really good tip and I hope this helps anyone else reading in the same predicament! Thank you everyone

I prefer to go to weddings without lots of kids. I think kids of immediately family is fine, but kids of all guests gets too much. And I like an excuse to get an evening off as my parents can babysit.
But if you make it no kids you have to accept a proportion of your guests will turn down the invite.
Ultimate go for what's more important for you: a calmer, grown up day or everyone being able to be there.

The big problem is bedtime and possible disruption in church/venue that parents don’t deal with. Some Dc really ought to go to bed but parents don’t take them. Some parents should take Dc out of the ceremony but don’t. Mainly because it ends the party or ceremony for that parent. I didn’t take Dc to the few weddings we were invited to except one when DD was a bridesmaid.

Not inviting family children tends to stir up a lot of issues, particularly as the babysitting pool is often depleted.
In our case family children were essential or our family would have been severely depleted for travel logistics. We wanted our whole families there as much as was reasonably viable.

Friends tend to be simpler for organising babysitting.

Not all people have babysitters though. Is it worth excluding some guests because they have a baby of a young age or don't have babysitters? Do you mind if they politely decline or are their children worth their presence. We talked to our friends about it on an individual level. No one was prevented from coming because of childcare. We did have a capacity to bear in mind. We invited guests in waves when we were clearer about numbers; family, close friends then colleagues which reduced the guessing on numbers at each stage.

How do you provide baby sitting so parents can enjoy the wedding though? Or do you expect Dc to be up until midnight after a long day?

@TizerorFizz I certainly wouldn't expect the B&G to be running a creche at a wedding. The parents who bring their kids are 100% responsible for them. That includes dancing with them, or bringing a few toys, tablet or whatever to keep them amused.

If there are tiny kids I'd expect parents would put them in a buggy, let them sleep on a few chairs or take them away.
Some kids will dance to the death, others will flake out, others will become grumpy and tired - grumpy and tired take them home!

There isn't an ideal solution or a one size fits all, children are different, weddings are different.

But I definitely wouldn't be putting my kids into a crèche at a wedding.

They thanked us for the child free day which they had enjoyed, child free not free of just their children but of all children. It's quite easy to understand.

@Doggydarling yes of course they sent you a card to say thanks so much for not inviting any children to your wedding, it made the whole experience so much better for us, what a load of bollocks.

Not hard to understand just hard to believe.

It's your wedding it's up to you. Neither option is right or wrong. The only thing I would say is if you go for a child free wedding, you are ok with some people deciding to decline because they can't find childcare.

Money doesn't grow on trees...many people are on a budget so you can't expect them to spend more money to accommodate children. The complainers would still whine if they were told they can bring their children if they pay for them.

For me children make the weddings! In their little dresses and suits and dont forget childcare isnt an option for everyone so people you want there may not be able to go. Personally i believe particularly children in the family should be there as weddings are family occasions. Some of the best photos from my wedding were of the kids on the dancefloor or in my sons case sleeping in the church haha!

Yes. If I had young DC I wouldn't go without them. My DC are now adults but if family they still get invited to their cousins weddings etc. obviously not to our friends weddings.

At my wedding 18 years ago I had lots of DC of both family and friends and we had a bouncy castle and children's tent. We paid two carers from our local child nursery and one of my friends teenage DD who had just finished sitting her A levels and a balloon man to entertain them.

The only kids that are usually at weddings I'm invited to are the children of the wedding party and their immediate family. My cousin got married recently and it was her own DC and her sisters and brothers DC so her nieces and nephews and the same for the groom. We arranged childcare so mine were at home but I'd never expect them to be invited.

I'd vote kids, if people want to leave them at home they will, but we've not been to some weddings because of childcare practicalities. We have no relatives near here, for one wedding my mum had to travel 150 miles to look after our kids for us to travel 150 miles in another direction. By the time we'd added up all the travel costs between us the wedding cost hundreds. We only went because husband was best man. He went to another family wedding alone and hated it but I felt left out at home with the kids and would have quite liked it. The kids were too small to leave and see above about childcare options. Unless all your friends live nearby and have ready babysitters I'd say you should really consider it. When the kids have been to weddings they've loved it and been ever so good. One we didn't go to the sit down meal but had a lovely afternoon out together and then went back for the party in the evening so best of both worlds. I think the best weddings take into account what works for you and most of the guests. Ones where it's "my way or the highway" in either direction are definitely less enjoyable.

I've not voted because I don't think there's anything wrong with taking either approach.

If you invite kids and a couple doesn't want to bring theirs, they can get a babysitter. If you don't invite children then some people may not attend, which is ok too.

The only time I get annoyed is when I hear people say that they're having a childfree wedding so the guests can have a break/it's a night off being mum and dad / it's an opportunity to get away or anything else that tries to act like it's a favour. I quietly thing I wish they'd just own their choice than act like a wedding invite 4 hours away, staying somewhere expensive, spending 2 days away from my DC and assuming everyone has willing and able family at homs/will leave their children in a hotel room with a random babysitter is a favour to parents.

Remember children come in all shapes and sizes including 6ft tall young teens that couldn't left home alone all night.

People have limited budgets and venues have limited capacity. Why should they include cousins children they hardly know?

Then say no children on the save the dates or dont leave it very last minute to inform people of this clause. Its their wedding do what they want but at the end of the day this is thoughtlessness and poor communication on the bride and grooms behalf.

I agree with PP it depends where it is. If it's local we have a number of options for childcare and would enjoy the break. If not local, we don't currently have anyone who can have the kids overnight so would be a logistical nightmare