Harbouring a secret from DH

[Plutoshooto]

Mildly light-hearted but also serious... I got a 2.2 at a RG university. In conversation DH alluded to how everyone he knows has 2.1s or better. It's come up a few times and I've either kept quiet or played along. I'm embarrassed to admit it. On my CV is just says the name of my degree but not the grade. One time DH found out someone had a 2.2 and made a not nice comment about them. DH is Oxbridge educated, in a very 'intellectual' job where you can't really get in unless your academics are excellent. I'm a scientist in rare diseases research so I guess DH assumed I did well in my undergraduate degree.. I've done done a Master's where I got one of the top results (I think another reason why he assumes I have a 2.1). DH and I have been together for 4 years if relevant.
Should I tell him? AIBU? Or shall I keep it a secret forever?

Why does that make him such an insufferable arse about it though?

Are people without degrees lower than the low to him?

I bet his Dad is bigger than your Dad too 😂 He sounds weird. Fancy measuring people’s worth like this. I say that as a proud recipient of a 2:2 🤣 It’s never held me back and my DH didn’t even go to uni because he knew exactly what he wanted to do for a career and he succeeded. He’s nearing retirement now but he’s had a fabulous, very well paid career with loads of travel and all without meeting your DH’s criteria!

If it bothers you then might be better to tell him, it doesn't sound as though he is doing it deliberately to upset you. (I got a first in mine and I guarantee that no one has ever cared, except for one employer who wondered if it was just an easy exam that year - I know, right.)

Completely agree with everything you said 👏

Absolute douchebag. I’d have flat out told him I got a 2:2 the first time he made a horrible comment.

I got an excellent degree at a respected university and I'm now a care worker. We all follow different paths, which would not be news to anyone of even middling intelligence or maturity.

@Aquamarine1029 THIS all day! 👏

This tbh

As someone who hasn't been to uni I can't imagine why this is important, it's a couple of numbers. You are doing a fantastic job in research for which I thank you 😊

My dc got a Desmond and I'm proud of them because they were suffering from mental health issues and were suicidal unbeknown to me at the time , yes they didn't get the 2.1 that they could have done but They are now happy , settled in a loving relationship with a very good office job that they enjoy .

I wouldn't tell him at this point. Maybe the first time he gave his opinion on a 2:2 but this late you're giving him ammunition that's it's something to be ashamed of.

I used to teach at a university and the things I’ve seen get a first is unbelievable. The grade means NOTHING. The reason why I left.

My DH got a first and was so brilliant he skipped a masters and went straight to a PhD. He was one of the youngest Professors in the country for a while and has gone on to achieve great success.
I got a 2:2 and have only ever worked as an admin assistant.
He's never once made me feel small about it. If your DH would belittle you, he's not a very nice person.

I'd just tell him. Whilst it's tempting to publicly humiliate him next time he says something derogatory, if he does have a kinder side maybe wait until afterwards, take him to one side and say 'what degree result do you think I got?' It might help him be a bit less judgemental in future.

My DP had a rough time at university and his degree result may or may not reflect his ability. I don't know, because he's never told me and I've never asked. I don't really care. I'm with him because he's a lovely man, not because of a qualification he got 30 + years ago.

Depends on when you graduated. Back in the 90's, a 2:2 was perfectly respectable. Over the past 15 years, everyone seems to be getting firsts. It's so unfair to those who genuinely deserve them.

How old is your DH ffs?

This obsession with degree results sounds a sign of some deep insecurity to me!

Are you ready to handle this conversation ? It might be a difficult one for you because his reaction might show him in a different light.
Of course he is wrong and a number on the degree doesn’t make a person. Would he be able to understand this ? It’s the main question. People often are too narrow in their views and too fixated on their own experiences in their youth so it’s ok but further down the line it’s not an attractive quality in a partner. How he would cope with you not being absolutely perfect all the time in everything?

Plus the financial aspect of university now make it like private education. You pay x amount so expect to get a commodity in return. I’ve seen students hand in absolute rubbish and get a 2:2. These students also haven’t attended any sessions within the semester. It’s so sad.

I think it’s a real shame you clearly feel so inferior to your DH.

So what, you got a 2:2?! Own it - not that it even matters!

I mean, academically and professionally, you’ve done very well for yourself. What do you have to feel ashamed about?! You obviously had more fun at uni than him. Next time he makes a twatty comment about someone getting a 2:2, just say ‘Hey, I got a 2:2 and I’ve done ok thank you very much!’

What a ridiculous thing for him to even think, let alone say.

Say nothing!
Frame your degree certificate in a really nasty, tacky frame and hang on the back of the toilet door (because that's where it deserves to live)
😀

Who gives a shit about grades after graduation? Or after applying to masters/PhD?

It sounds like your DH defines himself by his intellect so he brackets the world into “intellectuals” like him and others.
However, the world isn’t as simple as that.

He is reinforcing his own sense of self worth by denigrating those who haven’t reached his lofty standards. He is missing out on learning from people who have other skills and insights.

I have a 2.i and a Masters. DH has some tertiary qualifications from his home country in North Africa but not at the same level as me. Guess which one of us just about gets by in one other language and which speaks and writes 4 languages to a good standard.

This! I know many accomplished people who haven't breathed a word about their academic credentials and sometimes, I am shocked when I find out they have doctorates in maths when they vaguely wave off working in fintech. I did practically fuck all in uni but my learning never stopped.

i take it he wouldn't want to even entertain the idea of speaking to us plebs who didn't go to university at all.

I’d tell him in a it’s not nice to say these comments kind of way. Because it’s really not nice to be so disparaging of those who have a lower intellect than you, I should imagine he looks down in supermarket workers for example. It’s not a great personality attribute.

Remind him that some people are bright but don’t have family support, so either don’t go to uni or have to pay their way through it. People have off days when taking an exam. Some people find exams easy, others might flourish with more assignment type degrees. People in lower paying jobs might have degrees but take those lower jobs to fit in with family life.

Whatever, he is no more of a better person than people with a 2:2 or with no degree at all. And it’s a shitty attitude and a personality negative to even think so, let alone express it.