Harbouring a secret from DH

[Plutoshooto]

Mildly light-hearted but also serious... I got a 2.2 at a RG university. In conversation DH alluded to how everyone he knows has 2.1s or better. It's come up a few times and I've either kept quiet or played along. I'm embarrassed to admit it. On my CV is just says the name of my degree but not the grade. One time DH found out someone had a 2.2 and made a not nice comment about them. DH is Oxbridge educated, in a very 'intellectual' job where you can't really get in unless your academics are excellent. I'm a scientist in rare diseases research so I guess DH assumed I did well in my undergraduate degree.. I've done done a Master's where I got one of the top results (I think another reason why he assumes I have a 2.1). DH and I have been together for 4 years if relevant.
Should I tell him? AIBU? Or shall I keep it a secret forever?

Plenty of people at Oxbridge get a 2:2 so its not like going to those universities is any indication of your capability to get a “high” grade. To be honest beyond the first year after graduation I don’t know antibody who was interested in what any of their contemporaries got at uni. I’d tell him just to see his expression 😂

I have three degrees and my grammar and spelling on MN is often appalling. Only ever on MN. Everywhere else it’s fine. I blame autocorrect.

Yes, but they always say they got an “Oxford 2:2” which in their mind is a cut above the average Desmond.

What a pompous ass he sounds. I’ve never met anyone in my life who bases their views on a person’s character/personality by their degree grade. I’d tell him the grade (but not in a defensive apologetic way) and tell him to stop being a pompous prick and shut the f* up about people’s grades.

He's insensitive and stuck up (I would say a d!ck but not gonna), but then I know a lot of people from Oxbridge who look down on people who did degreesin 'inferior' universities and are similar, many came from very priviledged backgrounds and had a lot of things handed on their plates.
Who cares, some people with no degree earn double of what others with a first and are more successful.

My DH is Oxbridge with a PhD and a head of a University dept. He has never been disparaging about or even been concerned regarding someone’s degree classification ever and I have known him for 30 years.

Surely, everyone stops asking what degree you got about two weeks after graduation?! Who gives a rats arse?

Just tell him, and point out how it hasn't held you back.
You got a 2.2 in STEM degree and went on to do a Master's + research. If he really is that intelligent your capabilities are obvious and don't need pointing out.

I'm also not going to comment on your DH character because I don't know what the 'not nice' comment was. Despite PP here trying to be all nicey nice 'ohh a 2:2 doesn't matter' that's not true of all degrees.

These days there's massive grade inflation and university is expensive. I don't think getting a 2:2 because you're 'enjoying yourself' is something to be proud of.
These days many graduate programmes require at least a 2:1.
Someone trying their best, overcoming various challenges, getting the best of their ability fair enough.

Also some courses are more challenging than others...

If you are doing rare diseases research I am guessing you studied genetics?

So did I, and it is a challenging, broad, varied and important subject that it is entirely possible clever, able people would peak a bit later in. The proof is in the pudding, or your work, so to speak, not on your performance in some exams years ago.

My vagina would clamp shut if I heard any of that nonsense. What a horrible, insecure little man. Ugh.

My DH got a 2.2. I got a 2.1. The difference between us was our workloads. He held down 2 job and I got load of student loans. I would write and rewrite my essays and he would do it once and submit. A 2.2 isn't a reflection on your intelligence.

Go on op, tie yourself in knots to come up with yet more excuses for what is essentially a horrible trait.

Not sure why you would lumber yourself with such a snob

This, I would tell him just to see the screwed up face of disgust !

I would tell him just to see him backtracking this 😂

.....DH describes his old school as a prison feeder school. I think maybe that's why he still thinks it has some significance - he really was "the one who made it" out of his cohort and family really.

From this I'd assume he has a deep seated inferiority complex about his background. There's nothing wrong with him being proud of having improved himself but snobbishness is very unappealing.

This!

It doesn’t make you any more or less better in your field based on the result. I’m a teacher and although my placements were a huge part of my degree and I had to pass them to progress they weren’t included in the ‘result’ my degree was all project and essay based!

I got a 2:2 and I’m told I’m a good teacher. Although I do have an inferiority complex 😂😂

OP I'd tell him - it'll prove to him that there are exceptions to rules he's put in his head that don't really matter. 2.2 is 'on paper' a bit of a rubbish degree grade, but clearly there are a whole host of reasons people get it, not just ability, so it's nice to have a point proved to that effect because you've proven yourself at masters/in your career.

I don’t understand how anyone could care that someone got a few % more on their degree and therefore got a higher classification? He sounds a bit narrow minded and boring. Sorry!
Some of the wealthiest people I know don’t have degrees at all! I got a 2:2 and will out earn all my friends this year, even the ones that got firsts from Oxbridge.
There’s so much more to success than a few % and the fact he hasn’t realised that makes him sound a bit thick.

He sounds an insufferable snob and I would LTB. Only half joking.

Jesus, on.every.singke.thread!
I'm going to start a game of MN bingo, LTB is the easiest one to tick off.

I just wanted to add that I studied genetics at undergraduate level, but nearly wasn't able to as I failed a first year exam I needed to pass in order to study the modules I wanted to in the second year. I failed it spectacularly and got a -7%!

I went to the Professor in charge of one of the modules I wanted to study and told him about my conundrum. He said he thought I was the type of person who would do progressively better in my second and third year, and overwrote the system to let me enrol not only on his module but other genetics modules I wanted to, and that was the end of that, and was never mentioned ever again.

I haven't ever told anybody since, not out of shame, but because it is a boring story about a Russell Group university administrative system being overridden by a bit of humanity. Who cares?

I went on to, as he predicted get a 2.1 in my 2nd year, and then a high 2.1 overall for my degree and dissertation in my 3rd year. My job now uses my genetics background. Nobody has ever asked me about the exam I got -7% in.

OP, definitely tell him. It just makes things awkward otherwise. He risks hurting you our feelings again otherwise, and unintentionally.

When people say "comes across rude" what they are actually saying is "rude".

I got 5 x O levels over 2 years.
1 x A level.
2.2 on my JH Degree.
MA with Distinction from my RG Uiversity.
Perhaps your DH could enlighten me where I should feel ashamed and embarrased. Because obviously I must be a simply awful person.

And if you’re actually scared to tell him what degree you’ve got, that’s all the proof you need of what sort of man he is. Nasty. Just nasty.