Harbouring a secret from DH

[Plutoshooto]

Mildly light-hearted but also serious... I got a 2.2 at a RG university. In conversation DH alluded to how everyone he knows has 2.1s or better. It's come up a few times and I've either kept quiet or played along. I'm embarrassed to admit it. On my CV is just says the name of my degree but not the grade. One time DH found out someone had a 2.2 and made a not nice comment about them. DH is Oxbridge educated, in a very 'intellectual' job where you can't really get in unless your academics are excellent. I'm a scientist in rare diseases research so I guess DH assumed I did well in my undergraduate degree.. I've done done a Master's where I got one of the top results (I think another reason why he assumes I have a 2.1). DH and I have been together for 4 years if relevant.
Should I tell him? AIBU? Or shall I keep it a secret forever?

YANBU - and also, are you actually me..!?

Husband also a v. Clever double 1st from Cambridge bod. I got a 2:2 in history from Exeter - because I was a v. Lazy toad who coasted through three years on cheap Prosecco + the bare minimum.

I haven’t actually ever told him, although I would if he asked directly - but he wouldn’t have married me if he didn’t think I was fundamentally smart. I think he’d probably find it funny.

not at all concerned he doesn’t know. But he sounds like a complete prat for being so disparaging about other people’s results…

If it was me, I’d tell him to cut it out and explain why - he’s actually embarrassing himself with this attitude.

This! A thousand times this. It should make him rethink his smug assumptions. Just slip it into conversation mischievously!

What if someone had got a 2:2 and it was the best they could do?!

Does he think he's better than other people because he's more intelligent? Because that would make him very unpleasant indeed.

Tell him you have a 1st and that you regard 2.1 as a badge of mediocrity.

YES! Do it 😈

Your husband is an oxbrigde prick, no one cares where you got your undergrad degree from or what grade you got beyond the course you study immediately after your degree or your first graduate job. I know a couple of people who messed up their undergrads, one did a higher degree, granted she had to fight to get onto the course, the other managed to get a place on a top grad scheme, he got his place after doing a placement in year 3 and having the backing of his manager at the time. They now both earn 100k plus. We are all pushing 40, I highly doubt anyone has asked them about their undergrad degree in years. Only people who go to oxbridge still want to brag about a degree you did years ago, which for many people is simply a stepping stone to the next stage of your career.

Don't tell him, he's a knob.

Do tell him. His reaction will show his true colours. And hopefully he'll stop being so publicly disparaging of others. Quite immature behaviour actually from someone who should know better

My dh has a Desmond. It's in a really cool subject and I'm really proud of him.

You must be good if you got onto an MA programme with a 2:1. And no, he doesn't need to know. Why would you tell him?

Ooh a delicious secret. Tell him in 10 years!

Jesus, who cares, OP!

You've done really, really well. Don't get sucked into his gaudiness, it's a horrible personality trait.

What a prick!

I wouldn't bother telling him now, personally.

Would have told him at the beginning but 4 years on...not worth it.

I'd tell him. He sounds like a huge snob and I'd tell him that too.

It is me too!
My partner VERY smart- Oxford educated; got a First, Masters and phd, all Chemistry related.
I coasted through Uni partying, drinking and having a great time - got a 2:2.
Ive never told him and fortunately he’s never asked!

YANBU

Oxbridge 🙄 what a surprise.

I have a 1st class degree from a Russel group and I wouldn’t classify myself as particularly smart. My dad has no o levels but is an extremely smart man who struggled in a school environment. I hate smug people who think they’re better just because they had more opportunities.

In 30 years of marriage, my husband has discussed his degree once - because I asked if he had first class honours. He laughed and said of course he had first class honours and I have seen his academic transcript which showed an almost straight A degree. That must have been about 28 years ago! I have two undergraduate degrees in related fields and they were not straight A degrees by any means. He has never otherwise commented about grades because after all if you are really smart you don't have to put other people down.

I wouldn’t bother bringing it up proactively. If he makes any more comments about 2:2s I’d just say “you know I’VE got one, don’t you?” and if he said anything more disparaging I’d tell him (truthfully) that it’s incredibly embarrassing for a fully fledged employed adult to be talking about degree classifications. That should be left in student unions and even then it’s cringeworthy.

In general terms OP, does he store information “as evidence to be used against”.

If yes, it’s a much bigger issue than the trade of your first degree

He doesn’t sound very interesting. What else does he talk about?

It's not that bad though his comments on degree classes are wrong. It's not as if you like Mrs Brown's Boys or Coldplay, is it?

Or maybe he’s an obnoxious intellectual snob?

Nothing wrong wii you with a Desmond, it’s the sign of a good time, and then once you’d had that you pulled your academic socks up and got a masters. So that’s ideal really.

I’d just drop it into conversion when it comes up with a niece or nephew ‘oh you know if it doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped you can do what I did’.

He seems strangely narrow minded for an adult. For many careers no one asks you about university.

University grades have inflated like GCSEs and A levels, so it’s hard to compare the past with now when you’re talking to younger rellies

I would be pulling him up on stuff like this though. It’s weird.

Is he a snobbish prick in other areas of life?