Harbouring a secret from DH

[Plutoshooto]

Mildly light-hearted but also serious... I got a 2.2 at a RG university. In conversation DH alluded to how everyone he knows has 2.1s or better. It's come up a few times and I've either kept quiet or played along. I'm embarrassed to admit it. On my CV is just says the name of my degree but not the grade. One time DH found out someone had a 2.2 and made a not nice comment about them. DH is Oxbridge educated, in a very 'intellectual' job where you can't really get in unless your academics are excellent. I'm a scientist in rare diseases research so I guess DH assumed I did well in my undergraduate degree.. I've done done a Master's where I got one of the top results (I think another reason why he assumes I have a 2.1). DH and I have been together for 4 years if relevant.
Should I tell him? AIBU? Or shall I keep it a secret forever?

Well done on your MSc, many do require a 2:1 so it's not that weird to assume that is what you got. Your DH is still being an elitist wanker though!

And honestly, moat people who went to oxbridge see it as a stepping stone and don't particularly talk about it.

It's only the insufferable pricks who mention it, giving the rest a bad reputation!

"You must be good if you got onto an MA programme with a 2:1. And no, he doesn't need to know. Why would you tell him?"

This was my post earlier. Obviously I meant "with a 2:2"!!-

so maybe bizarrely he only really has memories of life itself from a very long time ago
or maybe you're clutching at straws to justify his obnoxiously snobby attitude?

He sounds like an insufferable snob and a bore. You’ve achieved wonderful things regardless of your degree result. And if he thinks a 2:1 is something to boast about, he needs to be reminded that it only makes him bang average. Everyone and their dog has a 2:1 degree in something. He looks like a right plonker lording it over everyone else if he only has a 2:1. (He’d still be a right plonker belittling people even if he had a First)

What you’ve done with your brain and career and life is really impressive and to be respected.

He's being an ignorant snob OP. Life goes on after getting a degree of any kind and often people go on to exceed whatever grade they got. My partner got a 2:2, in fact had to repeat his second year, he is now a highly respected person in his career with excellent earning capacity. I on the other hand have a 2:1 and am an abject failure!

I'd be inclined to bring up your 2:2 at an opportune moment so he'll see just how ridiculous he's being!

Thankyou OP for the job you do ,
my son has a rare epilepsy and people like you are helping those with rare conditions.Who cares what you got to get there ,you got there ,so who cares! Xxx

He sounds a bore tbh
Who cares about things like that, it's very insecure behaviour

It would give me the serious ick someone bragging how “smart” they are. A degree isn’t a sign of intelligence and your DP sounds rather stupid by his “not nice comments”.

He sounds an insufferable snob and I would LTB. Only half joking.

Anyone who thinks this matters, even professionally let alone among friends, isn’t very bright.

I got a 2.2 which I was a little disappointed in myself but my DH was so proud for me and hearing my eldest when I walked on stage shout that's my mummy made it feel better, I have to remind myself I was studying PT working FT in a career far removed from my study and at the same time started my family. So yeah a 2.2 in some people's opinion not great but you don't know others experiences and any manner of physical or mental health or personal life that could have an impact on grades, so your DH maybe lucky he didn't have that but he should never judge others. He proud of what you got and what career it brought you and next time he brings it up say " you know I got a 2.2 but look at me I'm successful in my chosen field because it's about learning and showing employers you can apply yourself it's not all about the final grade so don't look down on others"

Will he start divorce proceedings once you tell him?

I got a 2:2 and was really chuffed with myself. True workin class, first in family to go to uni 35 years ago. I'd give him a piece of my mind if I met him. 🤣teachin now.

I think my DH might be a tiny bit on the spectrum or maybe it is me who is on the spectrum, or both! Often something he says I feel is too curt or sharp and if I challenge it,.it turns out that he actually meant something in a kinder way.For example, I am maybe a bit of a people pleaser so tend to over explain myself whereas DH might reply with just a simple no and offer no explanation which I feel can come across rude. And the person he made the comment about went to private schools etc and so I think DH was surprised that he didn't do better whereas DH describes his old school as a prison feeder school. I think maybe that's why he still thinks it has some significance - he really was "the one who made it" out of his cohort and family really.

And finally, I am trying just to paint a fair picture of DH. He does have some very kind traits too.

Do people really talk about their degree results to eachother beyond results day?! I left uni about 10 years ago and can honestly say I haven’t got a clue what degree any of my friends got. I don’t recall it ever coming up at work so same applies to colleagues. No idea what my siblings got in their degrees. I guess I must have known at some point but because I’m not a boring prick and the highlight of my life wasn’t going to Oxbridge, I must have forgotten.

What a snobby knob. I also got a 2.2 at uni, for years I was ashamed (I guess I had the same attitude as your husband, but only towards myself). In any case, I also did a masters and went on to do a PhD and now work in research. My 2.2 means nothing in the long run, and anyone who tries to act like it does, is a mega twat. My DH went to ivy leagues and European equivalents from after his undergrad onwards (which he got top top marks in) and he never makes me feel stupid or inadequate with comments about academic abilities/past performance. he just says how amazing I am and how he's proud to be with me.

PI in the lab I'm currently working in failed several subjects at uni, did very badly in undergrad, and ended up being a pioneer in the field and is practically revered. What you get at uni is very often meaningless, and matters only to snobs and insecure people.

I would tell your husband in the way a PP mentioned to, to say that you got a 2.2 and were hurt by his comments and nervous to tell him, and that you don't like feeling small in your relationship because of his prejudices.

You've done amazingly, the 2.2 doesn't define you, and you shouldn't have to feel like it does because of comments from someone so close to you.

I would tell him, for your own sake so you don't have to worry.

I achieved a very average 2.1 at an average uni and went on to score best mark in my masters program in a very good Russel Group uni. My point is that undergrad result isn't an accurate representation of your intellect, for lots of reasons. I spent a lot of time partying, and then in my third year my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer. You "D"H is a dick if he judges people on something like this.

In my professional life other than my first post out of Uni my degree class has never been discussed at any job application.
Generally this is disregarded over the professional roles, responsibilities skills and training you have achieved after education.
Your DH seems to be stuck in his early 20's if he's bothered about people's Uni achievements, everyone else has moved on.
I know many underachievers (In your DH eyes) with 2:2 who have outperformed "higher achievers" when in professional situations and careers.
My brother went for a job after uni where the company disregarded applicants with 1st degrees, the consensus was that 2:1 & 2:2 applicants knew how to balance work/life/fun so would therefore be more suited to the role on offer.
I'd keep your 2:2 under your hat and maybe play it as trump card later on to really dispell the myth your DH has. Your DC might be pleased to use your professional excellence as an example of why a 2:1 or above is not always relevant.

The smartest people I know have no formal education, but have learnt themselves. As a result their knowledge is much more rounded and broad. You can ask them anything and they know. Very practical too. Just bloody clever.

Most people I know have degrees, and a few of them are not that bright. Some of course are excellent, most I would say are average. I honestly would not use it as a measure of intelligence.

I’m assuming you’re both quite young. No one I know talks about their degree classification after their early 20s. It’s pretty irrelevant eventually! I can’t ever think of a time we have hidden or cared about it. We are proud of each other for much more important things. If it’s so important to your DH he would have asked you about your qualifications when you got together! Sounds like it’s a bigger issue for you so I’d just let it go.

What a bore. There are many more paths in life than the GCSE to A-level to degree route. I would nip this in the bud now, OP, unless you want him to give your future children a complex? What if they aren't academic? Or what if they would prefer an apprenticeship? Or what if they struggle with their MH during their teen years and end up working instead of going to uni at all?

Oh just tell him! This says more about your feelings towards your degree. If he makes remarks about it, then he’s obviously not the man you thought he was. You’re wasting more energy fretting over this than just being open and telling him you got a 2.2 and making a joke about it. It might make him reconsider his assumptions! Enjoy his discomfort OP.

DH got a third, still has a really good job though, no one would ever guess. I think it's weird that you didn't mention it when it first came up tbh.
Ask him what he'd think if your child/future child got a 2.2 at uni. Then laugh, tell him you got one and make it clear it's really not the be all and end all.

My DS got a 2:2. He's potentially pretty academic but he enjoyed the social side shall we say 🙈. He had a ball!

When your DH next makes a derogatory remark about it, I think I'd drop it into the conversation then.