Ex MIL wants to take my 1 year old away for 3 months

[diamontee]

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

She's batshit

The difference in such cultures is that children are likely to be brought up in an extended family situation, with several adults sharing the parenting, so if the birth mother does have to leave (for a day, for a year, whatever), the child at least knows its alternative caregivers.

That's clearly not the case here.

You keep "hogging" your baby, OP!

She’s a nutcase!

My thoughts too.

Just want to add, in her culture, it's very normal for grandparents to have their grandchildren for extended periods of time. She left her son (my ex) with his grandmother from age 6 to 12 while she came here and studied to be a nurse so I don't think she's intentionally being crazy, but needs to respect my decision that it's a no!
I can relate to this to a degree. My MIL is also from a different culture and has some similar tendencies. Her parents controlled a lot of her life so she sees it as her "turn" now. But it isn't. Fortunately my DH has always agreed with me so it hasn't become as big an issue as it could have done, but I do understand how this type of thing arises.
But stand your ground. You are right. It is sad that circumstances meant she was separated from her child for a long time but yours is not a replacement for her missed parenting time.

Fuck no. Have read some crazy shit on here then there's this! 3 months is oddly specific, any reason why?

It's not up to you to replace the precious years she lost as a parent.

Tell her, her son will have to upduff some other mug for that honour.

It's easier to get a first passport than replace a passport which is why people are saying get one and hide it.

Crazy lady.

If your dc has a passport, hide it!

Given that he is already an ex, I’m guessing the 6 year hiatus didn’t really work out that well
for him.

There's a big difference between a 6-12 year old (after all, UK has a culture of sending quite small children away to boarding school, although it is now falling our of favour) and a 1 year old. The only reason we send babies away is if the mother can't care for some reason - happened to both my father and my DH. Don't know the effect on my father, but it didn't do much for DH's attachment to his mother.

That's her culture. Her son had a child with a woman from a different culture. And you're no longer with him. She has no rights.

Sounds like Afro Caribbean/African. One of my best friends was taken by her DF to live with him and his parents in Barbados when she was 9. She has 2 older siblings (about 10 and 12 years older) who stayed in England. My friend missed her mum and siblings a lot and returned to England as soon as she could at 16 to take A levels and go to uni.

Just say no to the MIL’s ridiculous demands. In theory when your DD is older if she would like to stay in MIL’s home country for a month eg in summer holidays then I don’t see a problem with that providing you’re all on board with it.

YANBU.?? Yet another set of letters we have to try to understand! Is everyone too lazy to write the full words? I give up! It’s taking twice as long as it should to understand all this, and I am not stupid! I just don’t have the patience!

Just seen your update.

It’s still a crazy thing to suggest.

OP I sympathise! When I was pregnant, my mother said she had a plan to take my child to live with her in the other side of the world, so I could work.

I'm sure she thought she was doing me a favour - she herself had lived with her grandmother so it was partly cultural - but I was SO angry when she told me! She discussed it with my brother too before she brought it up with me - he didn't think I would go for it. 😂

Yes I've looked after a couple of children ...Caribbean...whose parents were put under a lot of pressure to send their children home to be looked after by grandparents so parents could concentrate on their careers and establishing a good life.

I do think that the six years she left him for have caused him major issues that he's brought into adulthood, but that's a story for another day!

Extreme reaction! It's possible to say no and assert yourself without having to completely cut all contact.

Do people never read the updates? Op has a passport for the baby. Also my ex husband was reared by his grandparents from the age of about 4 or 5 until he was a teen and he has abandonment issues.

That's fine nothing wrong with that it's her culture and was her son so her choice to do as she wished.

However if it's not in your culture to do the same it's your choice to say no, she's your DD and your Ex MIL needs to understand that'not all cultures do and it's definitely one that you won't be following.

Not really she's seems to be constantly critical of OPs parenting, and Is trying to steal the baby away.

This 100%. If you don't apply for the passport then her father could.

That's very easy to fix with the simple block function.

ODFOD